Cathy: What a “tempest in a tea pot” I’ve caused in myself. After I read your letter, and you used the word, karma, “ …It triggered a truth about myself. I became aware that I had sunk into the “D” factor, yet again. My self was so threatened of dying that it created chaos and craziness. I was not conscious of how deep my resistance to truth, love, really is. There is a part of me that was kicking up a storm and not wanting me to travel to be with Ramji and Sundari, as it could mean the disintegration of my shadow self. Rats! This was a fine moment of clarity for me. I’m not yet courageous enough to just be in total trust and love.
But, I’m not giving up…I can’t.
Sundari: How crazy the mind is, and what trouble it creates for us! It is just so amazing how tenacious that hard part of the jiva identity, the ‘D” factor as I call the ego, is to love, to the truth of its identity, and to the true source of all joy. It’s not to be found chasing or avoiding anything, that’s for sure. Thankfully, you have the knowledge which allows you to objectify the jiva, and see the “D” factor in action. We all must face that entrenched tyrant at some time, if we are true inquirers dedicated to moksa, though it is the hardest thing anyone can do. You would be amazed to discover how many so-called seekers of truth just cannot do this because it is not fun, even when you know that you are the witness of the one not having much fun! Good for you for not giving up, and God for you. I admire your tenacity , honesty and clarity, so pat your (not) self on the back and tell her to take it easy!
Cathy: I can’t thank you enough for your words and your love. I have been in tears of sadness and tears of relief and gratitude. You had no judgment whatsoever, and I see how I’m buried in layers of self-judgment. Thank you for the beautiful gift of love. (It’s the only cleansing agent that works).
I hold you as a loving friend and teacher and I’m so grateful for your presence along with the great Ramji. This teaching is my life, everything.
Sundari: Bless you for your kindness, dear friend. We feel so honoured to know you, such a beautiful pure soul. Judgements only apply in mithya. When you see that all life is you, what is there to judge? We only ever judge ourselves, and that small fearful ego so full of pretenses who wants validation so badly, is its own harshest critic. How much suffering it causes, and so sad, when the truth of our being is the limitless Self. Yet Maya makes this so hard to accept. We are the lucky ones because we found the only way out of the trance dance of ignorance.
May you stand with confidence is the perfection of your divine being, shining brightly
With much love
Sundari