Dear James, I hope you are well and having a good time in Bali. I am doing fine.
James: All good here. I marked a few sentences that show that you are assimilating Self knowledge very well. Or should I say Self knowledge is assimilating you? Good for you! I attached a couple of documents on the topics in this email.
Ten days ago, my mother passed away at the ripe old age of 91. She spent her last three months in a nursing home and, due to severe pain, received pain patches (fentanyl). I spent many hours by her side and watched as her mind gradually faded away. This time was truly challenging—having to see a loved one in pain and utterly helpless. Your teachings and personal stories helped me a great deal. I could see that “I” was truly suffering, and then, a few moments later, “I” remembered the teaching that suffering exists but is unreal.
James: This shows that Self knowledge is a vasana that has become a samskara due to your commitment to the teaching. Good for you!
This shift had an immediate, and then a liberating, effect. Finally, she fell asleep peacefully. When I learned of her death, I wasn’t really sad that much—I had the impression that she had been released from her suffering and that her last great wish, to be allowed to die, had been fulfilled. Today I think, what a shame she’s no longer here—but she’s still here. So everything is fine.
James: Death is a zero-sum win. You gain the absence of suffering. Of course, it’s nice you “die” before you die, but…hey…she can’t quibble.
Nothing has really changed. Except perhaps my point of view regarding this world. I often notice myself walking through the house or garden, listening to the silence within me.
James: The only thing that changes when you are clear about your nature as unborn awareness is the status of the world. Formerly, it seemed to be real (satya), now it is known to be unreal (mithya) because although the world is you, you aren’t it.
The need to do things has gradually dissolved. It’s not that I do nothing anymore—I still have my activities—but it’s more as if they happen on their own. This has happened gradually and feels very pleasant. I also take breaks much more often between these activities. Then I sit in a garden chair and listen to the birds chirping and enjoying the stillness inside of me. Well – I can say, everything has changed.
James: The absence of the sense of doership and the lack of pressure that accompanies it, not the absence of doing, is another sign of firm Self knowledge.
You are often in my thoughts, and it is nice to think of you. Love T
James: I am very happy for you, T! And I can’t help thinking of you always because you are everything that exists.
Om and Prem James
