Dear Edward,
No need to apologize. Not only did I enjoy your well-written story it was very helpful. We need information before we can offer suggestions to save both of us a lot of time. The first thing I need to know relates to an apparent contradiction in the following paragraph. “At this point I have zero intellectual doubt as to my true nature being non-dual awareness, the logic adds up and it is my irrefutable experience when inquiring, be it casually as I go about my day almost constantly watching and negating the objects experienced or formally in meditation. That said, based on your book, prior study and experience it’s very clear that I am not yet self-realized.”
James: Zero intellectual doubt as to one’s nature as non-dual awareness is called self-realiztion and/or self-knowledge. It is tantamount to freedom and non-dual love because the suffering is caused by not-knowing this fact. The caveat, however is: since the removal of ignorance has a psychological impact which is to say (1) that you feel happy compared to previous suffering the result of self-knowledge is perfect satisfaction with one’s self, however one defines it, which includes one’s relationship to the limited, inadequate vasana-driven part of one’s self and (2) one’s relationship with the world, basically your environment, i.e. daily life. Of course, you are completely satisfied with awareness as your identity in so far as awareness is perfect experiential bliss.
We call this state of perfect satisfaction “the fruit of self-realization” meaning freedom from dependence on objects, non-dual love and self-actualization. If you understand this…and perhaps you do…then why did I explain the terminology so carefully? Because, if you understood this, you wouldn’t have written the letter asking for guidance. You know that a firm intellectual conviction about your true nature is not enough. This is not to say that your seeking to know what you are hasn’t stopped. It has because there is nothing more to know. However, actualization of this knowledge is actually moksa, freedom and perfect satisfaction as defined above. In reality, your spiritual life has just begun when you discover Vedanta or Vedanta discovers you.
So what’s next? Removal of the effects of self-ignorance, which means cleaning up the vasanas that accrued from a long stay in the ignorance. I just posted a satsang called “Throw the Dog a Bone” which gives a good idea of the power of these latent tendencies to disrupt even a self-realized person’s life. Self realization is the fifth stage of enlightenment. The next stage is self-actualization, successful implementation which requires a long term professional approach, unless you were completely qualified/purified when your knowledge of who you are as awareness became hard and fast, in which case you automatically skip to stage seven, perfect satisfaction (tripti) immediately.
A professional approach means starting at the bottom and working through the stages. Bottom means learning the proper terminology because both the teacher and the inquirer need to be on the same page when they communicate. Assuming that you understand this fact and want guidance, I have attached a copy of Tattva Bodh given by one of my guru brothers, Swami Paramarthananda, a mahatma from Chennai, India. Take your time with it. Make sure that you understand the definitions because understanding the more advanced texts depends on it. Once you are clear about the words (Vedanta is the Science of Existence/Consciousness) and difficult to understand because the premise…that reality is non-dual…is counterintuitive, which means there are always obstacles to your spiritual growth. I can tell by the way you write that you are intelligent, so it may seem like you are being asked to go backwards in so far as you figured out who you actually are, but if you don’t learn the basics, you will regret it later and have to start over anyway. So to save you a lot of grief I suggest you follow this suggestion. The suggestion is also self-serving, in so far as, as much I would like to hold your hand and teach you from scratch, it is not going to happen because I am in the sunset of my life and I have many very advanced committed students who are one tiny thought away from perfect satisfaction, not to mention my ShiningWorld duties and my relationship with my wife and dear friends. Having said that I’m happy to make suggestions and answer your questions and/or refer you to other ShiningWorld teachers if appropriate.
Much love,
James