Dear Ramji,
How are you and Sundari?
Ramji: All good here.
I just took a vacation. I spent 4.5 weeks on the road, camping, immersed in nature. This trip raised many questions. I feel somehow at the moment out of balance. What strikes me most is that despite my strong desire for freedom, I am still very much caught up in the search for security. I still hold myself personally responsible for ensuring my physical, material, etc. safety. This is sad as it weakens my bhakti for Isvara. And holds me in attachment to Jiva. “My persona is responsible for my safety.”
Regarding security, from a very early age I took charge of the financial situation in my life and saw financial security as a matter of freedom. My Jiva has a vasana: security is freedom. I see how I try to preserve the objects, so that they do not break and so on… How I try to maintain everything clean and safe… I see how financial losses, defects in objects that are expensive to repair, loss of students, etc. move me, bring conflicts to the mind, activate my aversion, activate insecurity and mistrust.
As I am taking myself to be the doer, when I try to be safe, I take myself also to be the doer and I wonder, how to break this? How to break this illusion? Do you understand what I mean? I think I am responsible for my security and also to make something to burn this vasana. Do you think that observing the obstacle and practicing Karma Yoga is the solution? What would you advise me?
Ramji: It’s your sacred duty as a karma yogi to take care of your karma on behalf of Isvara, so you should diligently and enthusiastically look after your material needs. You should feel good that you are looking after these things, not guilty. Isvara is both Awareness and Matter so you are looking after Isvara’s money, body, automobile, etc. Your attitude is dualistic. Ultimately karma yoga results in liberation, which is the discovery that you are completely secure with or without worldly stuff. In fact you will realize that the worldly stuff isn’t worldly at all. It is, was and ever will be only you, the Self.
Francine: Upon returning from the trip, Isvara presented me with some indications of financial losses. Situations were presented that normally cause me discomfort, distress… One of the situations seemed very difficult to solve and could cause me considerable financial damage. My impulse in the past would certainly be to get into the despair modus, to act impulsively, to get emotionally out of control. But I tried to keep my mind focused on reading scriptures, doing Asana, Pranayama, Meditation and trying to keep as much balance as possible as I tried to solve the problem.
Yesterday a light came to my mind. I started to play with a potential loss, as if it was a gain. I thought: what is the biggest gain I can have from all this history, even if there is a financial loss? I thought: keep myself balanced, keep myself focused on what is bright; to think of the ephemerality of everything in the field of existence as a certainty; verifying that this situation is Isvara helping me to face my desire for security etc etc etc.
Ramji: Good for you! This is the right attitude. Duality has a bright and a dark side. You can chose one or the other…. or both. Both is best.
Francine: I started to see a difficult situation as “profit”, the biggest gain of all. Do you understand how I play at the moment with the situation? Even though I have a material loss, I am actually making a super profit by taking a step beyond the vasanas I need to take care of.
Do you think this strategy makes sense? I really do not know what will happen, but I try to maintain myself focused. I pray that Isvara blesses me to burn this powerful vasana- the desire, the attachment for security.
Ramji: It’s about time you figured it out, sweetheart. I’ve been saying this forever. You’ve been faithful to Vedanta for several years now and the teaching is starting to assimilate.. It’s the only strategy that makes sense. Good for you!!!
Much Love,
Ramji
