Dear Sundari,
Since your most helpful letters in the last months, a crucial piece of knowledge was not fully assimilated. In the mind yes, I knew it – but I didn’t (as odd as this sounds)! It was only in the mind. Even thinking “my” intellect can discriminate what is in the mind is a cop-out.
Sundari: As we discussed before, everything is just a thought in the mind, even the thought that your knowledge was only ‘in the mind’, or that the intellect can or cannot discriminate. This is what makes self-inquiry so tricky – who is inquiring/discriminating if there is only the Self and the Self is not an inquirer? The ego can easily co-opt this, which is why what we call ‘enlightenment sickness’ is par for the course for most inquirers, even the ‘advanced’ ones. The reason is simple.
The ego is the gatekeeper of any information or knowledge that enters the mind, and your personal filters/vasanas will colour it, no matter how much awareness you have of them. It can only be this way except for adhikaris. But even then, the vestige or overlay of the jiva identity must be seen and understood in light of jnana yoga to be truly negated as only apparently, not actually, real.
You do not show the typical signs of enlightenment sickness, which usually comes with some kind of spiritual arrogance. But not always. It can also be there when the inquirer is humble, like you are. It can take the form of too much doubt about what you actually do know and have assimilated. On the other hand, no matter how much you can repeat the scripture, some people have what I call an ‘ignorance set point’, and they stay outside the knowledge. It remains purely intellectual. They mistake indirect knowledge for direct knowledge.
The ‘shift’ comes not with knowing the scripture by heart, but in the full assimilation of the understanding that you no longer need the scripture. As I said to you last time, the last stage of nididhysana, the dropping of the remnants of the teaching and the teacher, are the most subtle, and essential for moksa to obtain. A humble, realistic mind like yours finds it quite a leap to stand fully as the Self, with full confidence in your true identity.
The intellect can discriminate because the light of Consciousness shines on it. It is a function in the mind that is necessary for meta-cognition – thinking about what you are thinking – and to discriminate satya (Consciousness) from mithya (mind/jiva). A mind without a functional qualified intellect will not assimilate Self-knowledge and be able to discriminate or ‘step out of the limitations of the mind’.
Stepping out is not a cop out if you know that the real question is always: what is, and where is, the mind? Both are just objects appearing in me, Consciousness. Another way of looking at/naming the seemingly personal jiva. Remember that the definition of a jiva is Consciousness plus a Subtle body.
We can substitute the word ‘jiva’ for ‘mind/intellect’. I.e., the Subtle body. As I pointed out in my recent correspondence, it is only because we have a mind/intellect as humans that we are eligible for moksa, and also, why we have so many problems. The most successful jivas on the planet (bacteria) have neither a brain or an intellect. Animals do not have a mind and intellect either, and they in many ways have much easier lives because they do not know or evaluate as humans do, what is happening in and around them. As stated, as much trouble as the mind/intellect give most people, we need a pure mind and fine-tuned intellect (reflective medium) to realize the Self.
Frank: In a perverse way this is the truth: there is indeed nothing one can do to “fix Maya” (aka become enlightened) or “control Iswara”. It’s futile; I as the Jiva have really really earnestly tried to do both most of my life and it is absolutely a story of the Mad Hatter. Going a long way for nothing – except perhaps the knowledge gained along the way which was simply, “This is not working”. In hindsight (not at the time), this may lead us to Vedanta with a lot of luck.
Sundari: Moksa is about realizing that the common identity between God and the jiva is you, Consciousness. They are you, the knower/witness of both, but you are not them. When you know this, you have no problem with the world or the jiva, so what reason could you possible have to control Isvara or fix Maya? Neither are real, along with the jiva identity, yet both are the Self.
Frank: When I first found Vedanta or it found me, and I met James, there was this profound 100% knowing: if this is not it, then there is nothing. Like a mouse who had been through labyrinths then sees an exit with no knowledge of anything other than the labyrinth – this mouse just knows it is not “more labyrinth”. This is knowledge.
Sundari: When you are ready, Vedanta and the teacher come to you, and you will recognize them instantly because you have always known you are the Self and not the jiva/world. You just didn’t know that you knew or what it means. The first time round this is a megawatt realization which can keep you high for a long time. But though you may know that neither is real, making Self-realization permanent still requires going through the process of inquiry into the jiva and the world/God. That is what the scripture is for. As the Self, you do not need the scripture.
Frank: It is profound logic known by the mouse then structurally supported with real knowledge by Vedanta. For a mouse to then forget again and (a) go back into the labyrinth (b) explain to other mice who knew nothing else than food and traps and, like some disney escape film “I can’t explain..but its not food (whaat?) nor is it a trap (ok…) but it is also not another Dead End (“er what do you mean?”) – “look, I am really really sick of all 3 you know?” and the other mice then say “nah..look someone says there’s cheese down there let’s go!”
Sundari: Yes, mousehood comes to an end when you get the big picture. Making it permanent nondual knowledge is what counts. Trying to convince other mice that chasing the cheese is pointless, that there is no joy there and no escape from the labyrinth of Maya – is what is futile. Self-knowledge is the only way out of the labyrinth of mithya.
Frank: This analogy kind of explains why I have such respect for you both as teachers of Vedanta. In contemplating your words as a daily practice for the last two months I realised God was not in the picture, I can now admit this ignorance. Instead the idea of God was still of a duality higher power “up there”. But knowing now that God is everything – meaning therefore all that I see and know, therefore leaves nothing left for “me” to be – separate to God or, for the apparent little me “to do”. I wasn’t even a co-pilot.
Sundari: I think God was always in the picture for you, just not the nondual God. That God is never ‘in’ the picture. God is the whole picture and the one looking at the picture, and both are known to you, Consciousness. Yes, as the jiva you are not a co-pilot with God and do not have control of much. Even though you share the same identity as God. You are not God. God is the Total mind/Causal Body, and jiva is the microcosmic mind/micro causal body.
Frank: Crucially I see there never was a “little me”; this re-enforced steel concrete idea is dispersing. For decades I really believed there was a me and a big God was watching and within those decades flavours of “atheism” (but I don’t like it…), “Buddhist” (are you kidding?) ricocheted. To say no to God as a duality seems like heresy, to say no to me as the Jiva rings of brainwashing. But it is not “no” to either (and I know what brainwashing is like – contrary to belief it is impossible.
Sundari: Disidentifying with the jiva/personal identity is extremely difficult and subtle. Isvara does not make it easy. It is a case of saying no to ignorance and the brain being rewired, i.e., ‘washed’ clean by Self-knowledge. There is nothing wrong with duality if you know what it is, how it functions and the cost of being sucked in by it. As the Self, you are not conditioned by anything, and Self-knowledge allows the jiva to enjoy life for what it is (temporary/zero-sum) without worry or dissatisfaction taking over the mind.
Frank: Even the best efforts of various esoteric groups or large corporates are only fragile veneers. The Jiva idea is incredibly tenacious and I can only say to all those organisations good luck with that – trying from the outside is ridiculous; Jivas grip their own apparently personal ignorance as if their lives depended on it!) instead, it has flipped – it is the closest to God I can imagine.
Sundari: So true. The ego will defend itself to the death because it’s life does depend on it. Allowing even a bit of Self-knowledge to take hold spells doom for it.
Frank: I am certainly not God, nor as the Jiva am I enlightened – an oxymoron – like a stone suddenly sprouting legs and a face and creating itself as a living being (best also kept for Disney).
Sundari: As stated, you as Consciousness are not God or the jiva, but both are you and have an apparent existence only because of you. God and the jiva are inextricably linked in the dance of mithya until nondual vision takes hold and ends personal ignorance (avidya). The music and the duality dance end, though duality (macrocosmic Maya) is eternal and does not end when your ignorance ends. But it no longer has the power to delude you. You are free of it. Discrimination is no longer a conscious thing, even the discriminator is no longer necessary. Discrimination is the default and automatic. You never confuse mithya with satya again, it is not possible.
Frank: God includes now what arises in this mind and every other mind. The mind of Iswara is unimaginably big and complete (unlike my Jiva mind!). The “idea of me” deep down – that too is just a slightly more solid but still temporary apparition. This I know now, and it led me naturally again to Dharma – something I always felt as instinct—but I was tapping around in the dark. The Jiva, and all its apparent separate parts, are in and part of God.
Sundari: There is nothing that is not God, and nothing that is personal. There is only God and one jiva/world appearing as a dream in Consciousness. It’s ok (imperative actually) to be very ok with your jiva persona when you know what it is and binding vasanas are nonbinding. Following dharma is always the way home out of any mess ignorance can still conjure for the jiva when Self-knowledge is not firm.
Frank: That I may not be able to write down what “my” purpose is (as Swadharma), or a book of rules as Dharma, is not plausible even though I so wanted both. What am I, as the Jiva, then supposed to “do”? Wave a little Red Book like in the Chinese Revolution at myself? Or study a special Blue Book given to me by a Guru or an Angel “Now I know my purpose!”?
Sundari: It does not matter what you do when you know you are not the doer, and always follow dharma. Find something noble fand interesting for the mind to pay attention to, give and support life in whatever way it comes to you, without trying to fix anything. Leave that to Isvara, where it belongs. Love yourself, love everyone. Don’t take yourself too seriously, laugh, have fun. Your only purpose is to realize the Self and live free of the jiva program while living free as a jiva.
Frank: Both are ridiculous and impractical in the very real time complexity of Maya. Religion has its place for sure as a moral code, as do many other moral codes from school to the military to a stamp club’s codex of behavior, but they do not lead to freedom.
Sundari: Religion has its place and is a great help to worldly people, as are other moral codes. They can also be extremely limiting and destructive of course, as we have witnessed on this planet from time immemorial with the acts of horror that are perpetrated in the name of righteousness and ‘morality’. You have the ultimate map and out card from all the madness. You can never be lost again.
Frank: In the last few weeks friends have called—one I had not talked to for years—with problems, always involving others. But there were two odd new things: one, they never used to call for advice. And two, while listening, the phrase from Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita echoed in my mind: “all beings follow their nature…what use is control?”
I could see them, I could see me talking with them, the issues, the complexity playing out – and instead of launching with them into a “strategy”—I, as Jiva felt calmly helpless while knowing that this will play out and all will probably be fine. There are still actions to be done, maybe some words, but this is Iswara.
Sundari: This is how it is interacting with ‘others’ as the Self. You are not invested. You are not really helpless either, because though you appear as a jiva to them, you are not. You see and hear their stories, their suffering, you know there is not much you can do about it other than just listen. But because inwardly everyone does know they are the Self, someone who is seated in their true identity always brings comfort just by being present. If there is a word or two of wisdom to impart and it is appropriate and asked for, why not give it? But often, it is comfort enough to just pay attention with love, to just be there.
Frank: Its a huge relief – there is more mental energy instead of mental exhaustion. To “be free” now means admitting none of what I thought was me, or attached to, or tried to control, belonged to me.
Sundari: It is a huge relief to be seated in this wisdom, and will vastly improve most relationships. Though some who take your un-investment as indifference, may end. When there are no longer any emotional hooks for other egos to boost their investment in their stuff, you will either be made wrong or cut off. That’s just the way it is, so no problem.
Frank: I know I am not God nor the Jiva – this is now Self evident – even though I can feel echos in the body mind feelings saying “but this means I was never right or will never get x or y”. Yep, that may be – but who is saying that really? (A Disney stone, that is all.). And even if I did, is that what you really “want?” You have had both and lost both before, and none helped – other than the knowledge of this fact, along the way.
Sundari: I have said this so many times now – you are not God OR the jiva, but they are both you. Remember that as when it truly sinks in, this is where you are not only free of the jiva, you are free AS a jiva. Live your life!
Much love
Sundari love
