Alicia: Dear Ram, the only thing that bothers me is that I feel like I should be meeting someone right now, but have an inner resistance to it. I feel that soon no one will want to be with me, because I am getting older. A part of me wants to meet someone and a part doesn’t. I think I have a fear when it comes to meeting someone who I can really be with, and that bothers me. It’s not a priority for me right now, but a small, nagging voice inside tells me I should. I wish I didn’t have this influence in my life. Any suggestions?
Ram: See your conflict. The reason nothing works for you on that level is because of your conflict. You want it, but you don’t want it. How can the self give you what you want when you don’t know what you want? In fact, dear Alicia, everything in life is like that. There is an upside and a downside and you do not get over on yourself by choosing one thing over another. So what needs to happen is you need to see though this whole desire business. I’ve lectured you on this a lot, but you don’t seem to want to understand what I’m saying. When the needy, wanting part says, “I need a man,” ask some critical questions. When the fearful part says, “I don’t know if I need a man,” look into who is saying that. That voice inside that keeps wanting things to be different is not you. Why identify with it?
Alicia: I think I like being more quiet and alone now, but being an extrovert, I feel a need for a special person in my life too.
Ram: Ask yourself what “special” means. The problem as I see it is quite simple, Alicia. You are afraid to love. Perhaps you felt you were hurt before in love. But if you want a relationship with a special person you are just asking for more heartache. Why? Because there is no special person. Or put it this way, if there is a special person that person should be you. If you feel special then the need for specialness from the outside will not arise and you can get into any relationship with confidence. But if you are not self-confident, if you feel that you need something from the outside for your happiness, you will have a lot of fear and that will sap your confidence, and nothing will work. There is nothing wrong with wanting love, but you need to know that love is a dangerous game, that unless you are ready to be hurt and are capable of a quick rebound you should not even try. When Lennox Lewis knocked Mike Tyson down, Tyson got up and went at it again. This is the mark of a spiritual person. After you’ve been knocked down enough, nobody can ever touch you again. And then love is very fulfilling.
Alicia: You’re lucky that you don’t have this feeling. Did you have to work at losing it or did you never have it?
Ram: I had to work at it. I got hurt plenty, but I didn’t sit around and moan. I just got over it, went out there and fell in love again.
Alicia: Well, I’m at the library and am about to be kicked off the internet. Thanks again for the lovely cards! I wish we could’ve gotten together this time, but maybe next year. Take care, Ramji. I miss you! I am so glad that you are on the planet, and so appreciate knowing you!
~ Love, Alicia
