Simon: I feel blessed to have found Vedanta. You and James are amazing at helping to unfold the teaching.
When you write “Dismiss all thoughts of dissatisfaction about your wife or yourself as they arise” how does that look on a practical level from your perspective?
Sundari: Thank you for your feedback, you are welcome. This advice is not from ‘my’ perspective because James and I are just mouthpieces for Vedanta. It is not our teaching, nor anyone else’s. Vedanta is the timeless teaching of the logic of Existence, the science of Consciousness, revealing your true nature as the non-dual Self. We do not remove your ignorance. If the mind is properly prepared and dedicated to the scripture, it will do the work of removing ignorance. The scripture is not up for debate. If you do not understand this and lack the prerequisite faith in the teachings, they will not work for you.
Dismissing all thoughts of dissatisfaction is the essence of taking a stand in Awareness as Awareness and dismissing the opposite thought, one thought at a time. It is called mind or guna management. Karma yoga is the most practically applicable tool there is to accomplish this because it works to negate the childish ego, the one that wants things the way it wants them and is never satisfied, even when it gets what it thinks it wants.
No object is capable of delivering satisfaction because all objects are value-neutral. But a mind under the spell of Maya, duality, does not know this and ceaselessly chases objects to make it happy and fill what is missing. And there is nothing missing. There is only ignorance of the fact that you are that which you desire; you are the sought.
Thus, dissatisfaction about anything is never about the object of dissatisfaction, or of desire, for that matter. It comes from a lack of Self-knowledge, from the hypnosis of duality. When Self-knowledge has permanently removed all ignorance of our true nature and we no longer relate to objects as an object, i.e., from duality, then everything is known to be me, the non-dual Self. This is a complete game-changer because what this means to the individual jiva is that it is free of the jiva, meaning, free of its dissatisfaction and never-ending desires.
From that perspective, to follow dharma is determined first and foremost by the aim to maintain peace of mind. We act appropriately and automatically in accordance with what Isvara presents to us. All desires are preferences, not commands because they no longer run the mind. The Self does. This may or may not involve changing the jiva’s life circumstances. But if it does, we do so not because we desire things to be more, better, or different, but because we wish to maintain peace of mind.
We do not project our dissatisfaction onto anyone and therefore do not expect anyone to make us happy. We act not for happiness because we are already happy. We do everything happily, even if that means doing nothing. Our lives are totally surrendered to Isvara and our happiness is not dependent on any particular result.
Taking a stand in Awareness as Awareness means taking a stand in our fullness, not in smallness. As long as I try to turn the ‘other’ into ‘my’ husband/wife/son/daughter etc. and try to work things out with him or her on that level, I am keeping the concept of duality, smallness, limitation, alive. There are no ‘others’. Let that be your mantra.
The jiva can never compete with the Self, obviously. So, the jiva overcomes its smallness by living as the Self and consciously doing battle with desire and dissatisfaction as it arises. It does not try to defend it. To do so only works to strengthen it and therefore, binds us ever more strongly to the small, limited, suffering jiva chasing happiness.
It is difficult at first, because you feel like a fraud, that you are trying to be something you are not. However, if we are hooked by the turbulent thoughts and emotional patterns inherent in being a jiva, even in seemingly small day-to-day issues, we will never be free of them. The ever-changing and limited idea of who you are trying to keep alive as the person is just a memory, a guilt-inspired thought. For the most part, it is a toxic program. So, pay it no heed.
I have attached a satsang on what self-inquiry entails. We have several recommendations on this important topic on our website. If you are serious about moksa follow them, they work. It sounds to me like you are pretty new to self-inquiry. At this point in your journey, your best course of action would be to dedicate yourself to self-inquiry and stick to it, before making any life-changing decisions. You may just find that if you are happy with yourself things change in your marriage because you are no longer need them to.
Om
Sundari
