Dear James,
This is a very difficult letter to write because, after listening to you for the last three years, I just realized that the ‘you’ I thought was OK, is not me. That, of course, sounds strange from the point of view of an ordinary person, but I know you know what I mean.
I was the lady who sat in the back on your left by the water faucet with the sunglasses and the big hat at Trout Lake last fall. I didn’t ask any questions. I didn’t want you to know who I am. Then in February, I decided to watch the videos because the teaching had such a big impact on me. I started to feel better three years ago when I started karma yoga and I started to feel a lot better after Trout Lake, when I “got it.” So in February I went back and listened to the whole seminar again.
I watched carefully. Up until yesterday, I thought I knew what you were talking about but something unexpected happened, and I’m in a state of complete shock. I’m really disturbed if you want to know. I can’t blame you because you don’t know me. We never spoke.
I want to tell you the back story because I think it explains why I got it wrong for the last three years since one of my friends suggested that I read your website, which is fantastic. But I must admit that I didn’t think you were as fantastic as your website because I don’t agree with many of the things you say and do.
I don’t like it that you criticize other paths and other teachers. I think it is wrong to eat meat. I also don’t agree with your views about the vaccine. These things don’t seem right. There are a few more but never mind. My friend, who agrees with me about the meat-eating and disagrees about the vaccine, said that it doesn’t matter what we like about the teacher; the teaching is what is important, so I kept listening. I almost fell out with her too because of the vaccine but she is the only one of my friends who has a spiritual path and I’m attracted to the spiritual life since I lost my husband of thirty years.
What I wanted to say is that I am in a state of full shock, confusion and embarrassment and I don’t blame you. Yesterday, after I finished Trout Lake for the second time, I realized that I had made a simple mistake all these years. I realized that we weren’t talking about the same ‘you.’ You always say that Vedanta says you are OK as you are and I now know that you meant the Self but I thought that you meant me, the jiva!
The reason I’m so upset is because my jiva is not OK, even though it has been mostly happy since I started listening to Vedanta. I was on a Vedanta high and now I’ve crashed. I know you mention this all the time but I thought it didn’t apply to me but it does. I’m upset because I realized how narrow-minded and opinionated I am. I even started to think that my beliefs about the government and the corporations, black people and the virus and a lot of other things are wrong. It is like a dam that is starting to break. I don’t know if I can stand it. Please help me.
James: I think that you are very lucky that you stuck with Vedanta and that Isvara was finally able to break through a thick wall of denial. Vedanta doesn’t say the jiva is perfect. It says there is a jiva with karma but that it is as good as non-existent because it has no impact on the perfect you. So when we say that the jiva is perfect, we mean that it is perfectly imperfect and that is just fine if you know you are the perfect Self, which is the only self.
Now, it’s time to ask yourself who is witnessing that disturbed jiva. That “person” is the unborn perfect you. That’s the “person” above who said, “That, of course, sounds strange from the point of view of an ordinary person, but I know you know what I mean.”
I do know what you mean because we are that Self.
Anyway here’s what I have to say. My guess is that your jiva is very rajasic, always busy and maybe quite successful in the world. The flip side is that your jiva is equally tamasic, but not in terms of worldly activities. Rajas and tamas are always equally balanced. This fact is pointed out in Chapter 16 of the Gita.
The rajasic-tamasic energies permeate every aspect of the human personality. In the case of your jiva, your obsession with doing necessitates a powerful denial of jiva inquiry. You can’t question your opinions and beliefs because questioning them will take away energy from an insane need to keep “moving forward,” which means you need be “right” about all your beliefs. You need to be right because you are actually “wrong” about who you are. You think you are that person with beliefs and opinions, when you are actually the opinion-free Self.
The truth is that you aren’t right and you aren’t wrong. You are free of duality but when you have the wrong idea of yourself, you are living in a fantasy bubble, which it seems Isvara has popped. The good news is that you can’t unpop it. The cat is out of the bag. Denial, from now on can only be consciously lying to yourself.
So my suggestion above that you consider yourself lucky and get on with demolishing the house that ignorance built is a realistic view. Throw all that stupid stuff in the fire and say, “Good riddance to bad rubbish! I don’t need to support myself with beliefs and opinions. I am the opinion-free Self.”
You won’t regret it. Your jiva will like itself a lot—for the right reason if you do. Not because it needs to hide the truth of itself from itself. There’s not much else I can do except pray that you surrender to Isvara. But if you want to keep me posted on your progress that would be nice. It will be helpful for others hopefully. There are still people in the ShiningWorld orbit who are waiting…albeit unconsciously…for that moment. Let’s hope that they pray that they too will start to question their opinions and beliefs.
Much love,
James
