Backstory: This satsang is about person whose father was recently released from a federal correctional facility. Out of a sense of duty and a flawed understanding of the second karma yoga ritual…the idea that discrimination, compassion for one’s self, was not involved in worshipping one’s parents, he invited his father to live with him in spite of the fact that his emotions did not want to look after a very selfish person.
He asked me what I thought. After explaining the correct way to view this teaching, I told him God was his actual father and that it was not right to jeopardize his hard-earned sattvic lifestyle out of a sentimental need to convince himself that he was a dutiful son, particularly since the father was unappreciative of his son’s sacrifice. Here is his reply.
Honesty is the Best Policy
DearRamji,
I did end up leaving my father to fend for himself.
Ram: Let’s think of it as consigning him to the loving embrace of Isvara.
In the end I decided it was best to be honest with him. I told him that it wouldn’t do to bring him back to my house so he can repeat the same irresponsible behaviour, expecting me to make up the difference. This precipitated a long discussion about my opinion on his lifestyle, which he poorly attempted to defend. In the end, he was forced to concede that his gambling and self-centred perspective had not done anything for him or anyone else for that matter. I felt good being honest with him.
Somewhere along the line I had made a decision to just love him for “who he is ” and not try to change him. But now that I know I am the Self it is obvious that co-signing his bad behavior isn’t loving him for who he is. It’s just avoiding conflict.
Ram: His behaviour is not who he is. At the same time, how much luck have you had changing anybody’s behavior.
The Gita is very clear about this issue. If it’s true that Arjuna, who was rajasic/sattvic, is meant to engage in battle with the dark parts of himself, appearing as an unfortunate relationship with his cousin, who was a gambling cheat, how much more important is it for someone like you, who have struggled to sattvasize your life for a long time, to engage in battle with that needy part of your self?
He swears he is gonna change and all that.
Ram: They always do, but at his age it is a hollow vow.
I really don’t care at this point. But it does feel good to choose to protect the life I have been striving to live through concrete action. I am a little worse for wear and it was a set back to my peace of mind but nothing a little sadhana can’t handle.
Ram: Good for you. You are just starting to appreciate the value of a pure-minded lifestyle. It’s wrong to jeopardize it. That’s why Isvara disturbed your emotions when the “good” son part was about to fuck things up.
Always remember, Isvara is your Mom and Pop. At some point you need to become your parent’s parent.
A Careful Dog
If I chose to stand as awareness, then Mike becomes an object known to me that is worthy of my care. If I had two dogs, one of which was neat and tidy and one a sloppy eater, it wouldn’t be fair to give the careful dog’s food to the careless dog. It would rob the careless dog of the opportunity to learn from his actions and the careful dog to get proper nutrition. Maybe on some level the causal body has the power keep an individual from doing the right thing.
Ram: Yes. Pain gets normalized as virtue, the martyr complex; If I’m suffering on your behalf, it proves I’m a good person. All it proves is that you like suffering, which is definitely perverse.
Virtue Signalling
Seeking to remove other’s pain does nothing for me or for my dad unless I’m virtue signalling to myself, which is beating a dead horse.
Interesting how the need to be “good enough” arises from inadequate love and support. But then it brings one eventually to spirituality. So, no harm done. Thanks again. Non-duality rocks!
Ram: No doubt about it!!!
