Shining World

The Smallness and the Hurt

Dear James,

I want to thank you.  I don’t always read the satsangs but somehow today I did and it was clear you were talking about me even though the satsang was written to someone else.  I always looked down on Rush Limbaugh’s Ditto Heads because they were working class and we were educated and well to do.  But I realized that I was just a Trump Ditto Head.  I hate to say it but I was brainwashed from an early age.  He so much expresses how I feel sometimes, the anger and resentment, like I got the short end of the stick.  If we talked in person I don ‘t think I would have understood because I get confrontational and cynical around liberal people so the satsang was perfect.  It was kind and logical.  It made me see once more how emotional and irrational I get when I am trying to defend my point of view.  I couldn’t get that satsang out of my mind for a whole day.  God wouldn’t let me leave it.  I am so embarrassed and ashamed of myself.  I also saw that my cynicism, which I thought was just being realistic was based on low self esteem which I have had since childhood.  My parents were alcoholics who abused and neglected me.  They were also lifetime country club Republicans and went back to Barry Goldwater.  They loved Reagan and hated hippies and democrats.  The house was full of cigarettes, booze and politics and my dad’s fat bald business cronies and the state representative from our district was a family friend.  My sister went into local politics too but she died of alcoholism in her late forties.  It was so extraordinary when I read it, like it was so obvious that Trump is what you say.  He isn’t a bad man; he’s just immature like a kid.  I was thinking about what you said and one of my friends called.  I’ve known her since childhood and she’s an independent voter.  She told me about what Trump’s niece said in her book and everything made sense again.  Anyway, I don’t want to bother you with my story.  I just want to thank you for ShiningWorld.  But I couldn’t see it before.  Anyway, thank you again.  I know how these things are.  It will be a while until the smallness and the hurt goes away, I’m afraid.     

With respect,

Mary

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