Hey James,
As I compose emails to you I always imagine that I am talking things out with you, and the new I always goes through a few rewrites trying to be more clear and succinct. So by the time I hit the send button I’ve had a nice long imaginary conversation with you. Often that alone is enough to make things shift for me.
Something like that happened today.
This big attachment that I’ve had of self-criticism shifted quite a bit for me a couple hours after I sent the email. The experience has changed to something metaphorically similar to working around the house, while there is a soap opera playing quietly on the television in another room. This particular soap opera stars Ken, scolding and blaming Ken, and what is different now is that there is no remaining identification with that story at all. It is just background noise that has nothing to do with me, and it doesn’t matter if it ever resolves or not. I sort of expect that it will but it doesn’t matter, it isn’t me or mine, it’s just the story being the story. If I have any attitude towards it at all it is a little gratitude. That sounds fake and pretentious to say but it’s real, the self-criticism story does have a little value as feedback.
I wanted to let you know about that and tell you again how deeply grateful I am to you and the teaching.
Hi Ken,
It couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. Your email about the motorcycle was creeping up toward the top of my list when this one came in. Simple and undramatic as it is, this shift of the story from the foreground to the background is the most important event in your life and your understanding that although it is more or less meaningless chatter, it is useful feedback and worthy of gratitude because it always points to the ever-present real you, the knower, which has been exposed by your inquiry. It will become increasingly faint and transparent as it fades into you, the background, and one day you will have a good laugh that you spent so much time watching that particular soap. The light that you are will gradually reduce all events large and small into one simple beginningless non-event and the sunset of your life will be filled with peace. As the Ken topic becomes less interesting to you, he will probably become more interesting to others and maybe one fine day as you cruise into a small town on your cool bike, you’ll catch the eye of the woman of your dreams, which should add a little spice to a life well-lived. It doesn’t matter how you get “there.” That you get there is all that counts. Good for you. God is great.
Love,
James
P.S. If you have a few bucks to spare, you could make a donation to ShiningWorld as I would like to increase the functionality of the satsang section of the website, which involves getting my tech guy to write some extra code.
