This woman realized what she really is, was uplifted and expanded by the knowledge and experienced the predictable tendency to spread the word. She wrote the story of her sadhana to get my opinion on how to deal with this feeling.
Hi Mary,
Nice well-written story. It’s not uncommon in the spiritual world. I’ll cut to the chase. First, you probably missed it in your study of the Gita and you finally figured it out on your own, however it bears repeating. Several times Krishna says, “let not the wise unsettle the minds of the ignorant.” So this inner stuff needs to more or less stay hidden because as you know, the world, well-meaning as it is, invariably calls the little men in white coats with their bag of pills and the results are generally not pleasant, as you also know. One of the most important disciplines is speech discipline (vak tapas.) I had a case of messianic enlightenment sickness too but Swamiji busted me right away and when he realized that I actually understood how silly it is, he mentioned that he was pleased to discover that I could keep my light hidden under a bushel. Shortly after my realization I became a scavenger on the streets of San Francisco and kept my mouth shut, although I could have babbled enlightenment to the heavens and experienced no blowback one way or the other, in so far as I fit right into the world of crazies acting out their stuff. Everyone is well aware of the price Jesus paid for dabbling in miracles and publicly claiming to be one with God. The yoga sutras make a big point of dismissing siddhis and the sense of inflation that comes with it. And honestly, Mary, nobody has a way of verifying one’s story, nor do people lay awake nights thinking about what other people experienced or are experiencing inwardly because nobody has access to anyone else’s thoughts. Experience and knowledge stay with the upadhi.
The next point is that this feeling doesn’t belong to either to the Self or to the jiva. So if anything is going to come of your realization Isvara will manifest it…or not. So, I wouldn’t trouble myself with it. If Mary is meant to save the world, the world will come to her and when it does she should get the request in writing in triplicate and let it sit on her desk for a couple of years while she thinks about it. It’s just another thought object known to you, existence shining as consciousness. Let it die. When Mary is totally satisfied with herself as she is, in spite of the attendant insomnia and pain, this idea won’t be attractive.
The perfect satisfaction that is self-actualization is simply the appreciation of the bliss of self-knowledge, which is non-different from the bliss of existence itself. It doesn’t have any mithya based ramifications. And it’s not really about the jiva because there isn’t any jiva. We only say that to keep jivas doing sadhana for a long time to make sure that enlightenment sickness doesn’t take root and their minds become worthy vehicles for the dharma. At some point the knowledge is assimilated and the doer disappears. Instead off thinking that you got something special, it’s best to think that you got rid of something unspecial i.e. ignorance, tuck your spiritual tail between your legs and slink off into obscurity. The doer seems to have survived the firm knowledge “I am the Self” so it needs to get rid of that notion too. Nothing actually happened except that ignorance unhappened. There’s nothing romantic about it.
However, it is natural to want to ring the bell and call the faithful to church and you do have something to share, are a good person and very articulate, but I’m saying think twice about it, which it seems you are since you are asking for my views. If I was in your shoes I’d work on my health and build up my energy patiently and gradually. In the course of your life Isvara will send people your way who are attracted to you and once you have established a loving connection you can teach them.
I don’t know if you realized it, but I didn’t write Mystic by Default because I was trying to get famous. I wrote it about 30 years after I was freed from the idea that I was James to simply save myself the trouble telling it to people who wanted to know. I was bored to death with the whole spiritual business and refused to talk about it so I just recommended the book for those who wanted to know. It’s a useful book but will never be a bestseller. In the intervening years between 1971 and 2010 when I wrote How to Attain Enlightenment and gained a certain degree of recognition, I basically went fishing, dabbled in small things, travelled the world and enjoyed being nobody. Pray to the God of Small Things.
Finally, it would probably be beneficial to ask yourself what you think you are actually going to gain by “not playing small. It’s going to be a while before your mind calms down. Your obsession with Vedanta generated so much sattva that it suppressed the tamas and keeps you up nights. I’d say forget Vedanta, sit in the sun, eat good food, exercise your body so it gets physically tired, cultivate the sleep vasana, do your art and play life very small. Slowly the energy will return. Slowly the bliss of existence will take over and the doer will dissolve and the future will disappear.
Mary: Thanks James, that was exactly the perspective I needed, time to settle down and relax.
James: Yes. Take it easy. Go fishing.
Mary: Can you please clarify the “there is no Jiva” point? My current understanding is that in Reality there is no Jiva because there is just Awareness but in the apparent reality there is Jiva (awareness plus the 5 sheaths).
There is only one Self, Mary. Do you experience your self as two or more? No. You are just one conscious sentient being. You exist and you are conscious. This much you know. This much everyone knows. It is innate knowledge. Nobody ever asked you what the word “I” means. If you only say the word “I”when you meet a stranger that person knows what you mean because he or she is the same I.
Now the question is: do you know that you are full and complete? Do you know that you are limitless, meaning that you are unaffected by the discrete experiences that present themselves to you in the waking and dream states? Are you aware of the constant current of bliss that is your fundamental experience, the reason why you want to live another day? If so you are the Self.
If you don’t you are also the Self that doesn’t know. The scripture says the Jivatman and the Paramatman, the self in you and the self in everyone, are non-different. If you don’t understand that, it is because you include your body and mind when you say the world “I.” The “I” is the Self always. There is no other option. But it looks like it is limited and subject to change because you are including the body/mind when you think of it. So you have to subtract the body and mind when you think of yourself. When you aren’t thinking of yourself you are just Awareness thinking of something else.
Mary: Also I’m a bit confused at this point about how I should place my relationship to Isvara, lately it has been feeling a bit strange to pray to Isvara because it’s clear that reality is non dual, so who am I praying to but myself? Is this me and Isvara, Father and Son type relationship notion an erroneous idea that I need to drop? If there is no Jiva then there is no Isvara?
James: Assuming you think you are Mary, a body/mind entity, Isvara is the power that created you, sustains you and will remove you from the body. It is the factor that delivers the results of your actions. So if you think you are a body and mind, then you need to have a good relationship with that factor or you won’t succeed. I find it hard to believe that you have been through the whole full set and missed the karma yoga teaching. It is the most important teaching because you won’t get the steady bliss of self knowledge if you haven’t purified your vasanas.
If you are the Self, then you don’t worry about your karma, life and death, etc. because Isvara has no impact on you. Yes, if there is no jiva there is no Isvara. They are both mithya, seemingly but not actually real. Knowing this is freedom. Freedom from what? From Mary, the body/mind entity.
Mary: And finally when you say “the future will disappear” what do you mean by that exactly/practically speaking?
James: You will be happy as awareness. There is no future or past or present for awareness. They are all only thoughts in you. You expressed enthusiasm for a new way of life. For whom? What’s wrong with the life you have now? How would a different life make you different? If you understand Isvara you see that whatever is manifesting in you at every moment is perfect and you don’t want it to be different.
Much love,
James
