Hello Ramji,
Given my karma these days I’m unable to participate in the streaming teachings from Suryalila but we continue to watch the Complete Teachings series from January. This morning’s video was particularly impactful. Thinking about death we realized that we had been seeing the person we loved, now deceased, as a frozen wave with unique qualities and beauty. However, seeing her as a manifestation of Isvara that appeared, was sustained, and dissolved in Isvara, helped to accept that what we loved hadn’t disappeared, that wanting to ‘see’ her again was like wanting the wave to remain permanent. It was painful.
We then watched one of the later videos in which you examined fearlessness in light of change, particularly in regard to the fear of death. You said it’s the body/mind that’s afraid of dying, of the end of life as it’s been known, the same finality that we were exploring. As long as we identify with the body we fear its end. Then you said something that clicked that was very liberating. I can see that as long as I identify with the body I see everyone as separate people and ‘my’ death is scary. But by claiming my identity as Awareness (which I know), I have the choice to see everyone as Awareness and not as real people. Instead of focusing on the peculiarities and apparent uniqueness of everyone, I can see them as me. The conditioned belief that I’m a real person is sustained by ignorance and that ‘others’ are real too. We’re all just waves in Isvara’s ocean of Maya. It’s not just with people, but animals as well. Amazing that with a flip of a thought, a person, a dog or a chicken is Isvara reflecting me. There is the dawning of understanding that the question of death and after-death is irrelevant. I, as Awareness, shine everywhere, from every eye. I could never appreciate that because I was convinced that there was something missing, something wrong with me. That belief has finally been purged through understanding. We jivas are beautiful and perfect just as we are. As you always say, we didn’t create anything, didn’t ask to be the way we are, so we’re not writing our story, at least not the way we think. My search for love, for non-dual love has come to an end thanks to you. I’m always at the beginning . . . watching the fears and desires rolling in and out like waves on the beach, but there’s a new sadhana presenting itself. It’s fun to play with this view instead of focusing on the details. There’s no hurry, I’m already home.
Ram: Good for you, Karl. The Isvara penny finally dropped. I admire your perseverance. Kudos all around. There is only one of us, wearing seemingly different costumes. We didn’t create ourselves an we don’t uncreate ourselves. Isvara gives and Isvara takes away. Understanding Isvara is love of Isvara and because there is no difference between Jiva and Isvara, love of God is Self love. I am as always
Your own self,
Ram
