Lucua: Currently, I am witnessing a few inquirers having a fear of non-existence, they talk about worrying that nothing will be left of them.
How can this fear be addressed directly from a scriptural point of view?
Sundari:There is no such thing as non-existence because everything is Consciousness. Why? Because objects (which is anything known to me, Consciousness, including the ego identity or person) don’t exist without knowledge of them. And knowledge depends on Consciousness. Existence exists because it is Consciousness, but non-existence exists only as an idea in Consciousness.
The purpose of this teaching is to refute the idea that the Self is non-existent because it is not an object of perception. Many people, particularly Buddhists, believe that the Self does not exist because it cannot be perceived. They do not realize that it is the Self that is saying that it doesn’t exist, and there cannot be a perceiver without Consciousness. We cannot get rid of Consciousness, the knower, because it is subtler than the perceiver, and ‘perceives’ though the perceiver, the Subtle Body – or body/mind/ego. There is no such possibility as non-existence because if you can find non-existence, you (Consciousness) have to be there to find it. Everything real and unreal is an object of or ‘in’ Consciousness, which is Existence – capital ‘E”.
This is basically a useless inquiry because it is obvious that you exist and that your existence is Consciousness. You know you exist because you experience your existence. A non-existent person born in non-existent world would not. The only real issue is whether or not you understand that you are Consciousness and whether that knowledge destroys your sense of doership – i.e., the ego identity. However, this doubt is understandable from the ego’s point of view. Duality is hardwired and very counter-intuitive, even if the inquirer is qualified.
The first inquiry is: Who is asking this question? Only the small limited ego identity would ask such a question because it alone has a lot invested in keeping the mind in bondage. The ego under the hypnosis of duality has nothing to gain by being negated, so it is rightly afraid of nonduality.
When an inquirer asks this question, the problem is usually lack of discrimination, which means there is a lack of understanding of the two orders or reality – satya, that which is always present and unchanging, and mithya – that which is not always present and always changing.
Secondly, this inability to discriminate means that not only does the inquirer not understand the difference between duality and nonduality, the witness and the witnessed, they are most likely lacking in all the qualifications and/or values required for inquiry. So a fearless moral inventory needs to take place, as well as a checklist of the qualifications.
Thirdly, a recap on whether the foundational teachings have been assimilated. If the inquirer has been properly taught and has followed all the steps of inquiry, they would have completed, or at least be engaged in srvanna and manana. If this is the case, and they have covered all these bases, then they would be in nididhysana, but the ego has survived Self-realization, which happens to most inquirers.
As Ben so importantly pointed out in his teaching last night, many people who approach the nididhysana stage still think they are going to gain something – that Consciousness/the Self is an object of experience. Self-knowledge is not firm yet. For Self-actualization to take place, i.e., for all ignorance to be removed, including the remnants of teaching, the doer/ego/personal identity must be totally negated and as good as non-existent. This is no walk in the park, and the ego certainly does not want to hear this. Maya does a very good job of keeping the mind in bondage.
Once Self-knowledge starts working on the mind and the inquirer begins to realize that there is nothing ‘out there’, that life is a zero sum, they can ‘hit the wall’, and the fear of non-existence can arise and must be busted. We call it ‘the void’ because all objects are seen to be devoid of intrinsic substance and meaning, which of course, they are. In particular, when the person they once took themselves to be is revealed to be no more than a construct, a mirage, a guna-generated program.
The Self-realized inquirer knows, at least intellectually, that their true identity is not the limited small, fear-based ego, but the fullness of the Self. A more accurate description is ‘lacking nothing’, which the ego absolutely does not believe. Self-knowledge is a threat to the ego because it destroys the idea that you are a limited human being with a name and a story, and the ego does not give up without a good fight. The worst part for the ego is that for Self-knowledge to work, the mind needs to surrender to Vedanta as the boss. The ego MUST be demoted, not destroyed, mind you. We need a functioning ego to transact in the world. We just don’t need the ego in charge. You cannot ‘do’ your way to moksa as the doer/ego who is afraid of non-existence is the problem and in the way.
What to ‘do’ when you realize the pointlessness of all doing and you are not the doer? Knowing that we are the Self does not magically translate into the disappearance of the jiva with all its stuff. That can take years and years for some in the last stages of self-inquiry. Nididhysana is the purification of the remaining vestiges of mental/emotional patterns (jiva identification) once Self-realization has taken place. Only when this stage is complete does Self-actualization take place naturally.
The ‘all is emptiness’ stage is created by tamas, which presents another Self-actualization problem that often, but not always, affects older Self-realized people who have had families and/or careers. Jobs and families solve the problem of financial and emotional security, but they don’t take care of the doer problem, so the tendency to act has no place to go when you realize the zero-sum nature of life. The risk here is that the doer slips into a depression because you cannot in good faith distract it with the mindless samsaric pursuits that previously occupied it, i.e., jobs, entertainment, sex, shopping, sports or endless family events, etc. Recently the chaos of life has made this much worse because things on the world stage seem pretty gloomy when looked at through the lens of tamas.
What all serious inquirers who are dedicated to the last stage of self-inquiry, nididhysana, are aiming for is to transition directly to perfect satisfaction – tripti. Unfortunately, this can only take place if you are totally qualified when Self-realization takes place. I.e., all the jiva’s binding conditioning (mental and emotional patterns) have been transformed into devotion to the Self, meaning rendered non-binding. This is seldom the case when Self-realization takes place, which is why nididhysana, is for most inquirers, the most difficult and the longest stage.
Swami Paramarthananda, calls nididyasana ‘requalifying.’ You never know when, during the manana phase, firm Self-knowledge will take place and you never know how long nididyasana will take. In fact, if Self-knowledge makes you a perfect spontaneous karma yogi, it doesn’t matter because time doesn’t exist for you. So, if you don’t experience perfect jiva satisfaction when Self-knowledge is unshakable, you need to remain humble and keep up the practices that qualify you for understanding as they will eventually remove the obstacles to limitless bliss.
Again, as Ben pointed out in his last meditation, if the inquirer is not ‘there yet’, just keep going, keep up the sadhana. One thought at a time. The good news is that you are never not the Self, and the steps to ‘get there’ are the qualities of ‘being there’. The inquirer can take heart in that, and trust Self-knowledge to ‘do the work’, but keep the commitment and dedication to moksa their main priority in life. Leave it all in Isvara’s hands.
What price freedom?
Much love,
Sundari
