Betty: Hello, Ramji!
This has been an unresolved question in my mind for a long time. I have let it sit as my understanding and knowledge changes hoping that clarity will come. I have even thought that I would just hold on to this for a time that I could discuss this with you in person. I am finding myself rereading The Essence of Enlightenment. My question did not motivate me to pick up the book. However, the book has caused this long-term question to resurface. The top of page 94 is generating this email.
One of the most helpful gifts of your Bhagavad Gita teaching was that there is ultimately no free will. That there is no place to go and nothing to become. I am born into the illusion Isvara delivers according to my vasanas as well as the eternal manifestation of the whole. Yes, I still have my role to play as long as I inhabit this body but to let go of this notion that I am in control.
On page 94 no free will is presented, but then within the context of one’s svadharma one is “apparently” in control of choosing not to go against one’s nature. I have never felt like I have a particular “svadharma” other than the basic fact that I have been born into a female body with strong rajasicenergies. I have also had a sense very early on in my life that there is a bigger truth or picture to this deal that I am not seeing, thus the years of “seeking.” I do not feel like I am seeking any more, just remembering.
So I am troubled with making such a big deal over one’s svadharma. It does not make sense to me. I really feel that even the actions one may take that appear to go against one’s nature are just the way it is meant to unfold. I struggled in the world of addiction, then I found relief and clarity in sobriety. I do not feel that either of things are exclusive to my nature, yet they appear to be in opposition.
I spent YEARS chasing solutions to what I labeled as adharmic behaviors, that somehow I was in control of the solution and also that it was my fault. This is a frustrating, dead-end solution. Truly grasping no free will in this big illusion has been a piece of the puzzle that has allowed me to experience whatever shows up and not make myself “special” because I “think” I have made a dharmic action or choice. Of course it is prudent to abide by universal laws but if I fall off the wagon it is just the way it is unfolding at that moment in illusionary time. It does not affect anything – really. I also know that there is something about my vasana load in this life that is propelling me towards more dharmic activity. It isn’t up to me.
So – the whole idea of hanging one’s hat on one’s perceived svadharma just seems like another obstacle. I hope that my concern/question makes sense.
I hope you are well and happy.
~ Love you
Ramji: The svadharma question is based on the belief that you are a person with karma in the world. If you think you are and you are not happy doing what you are doing, then it may mean that you are not utilizing your God-given talents effectively. But sometimes people don’t have a clear sense of what they want from the world, because they basically don’t want anything from the world. You say, “I have never felt like I have a particular ‘svadharma’ other than the basic fact that I have been born into a female body with strong rajasic energies.” Fair enough. But then you say, “I have also had a sense very early on in my life that there is a bigger truth or picture to this deal that I am not seeing thus the years of ‘seeking.’ I do not feel like I am seeking anymore, just remembering.” This seems to suggest that you had the svadharma of a seeker. I had a friend who was a famous Beat poet who wrote me a poem which was entitled It Is Not Here on Earth That I Am Seeking. Most “spiritual” people have the svadharma of a seeker. It means duty to one’s self. It is a perennial archetype. Svadharma is one’s basic orientation in life. I suggest that you have fulfilled it. As you say, “I do not feel like I am seeking anymore, just remembering.” When Vedanta came to you, you gobbled up the Isvara teaching and stopped trying to control things, and the seeking stopped. This is commonplace for serious seekers. If you apply yourself, Vedanta makes you a “finder.” So what is the svadharma of a finder? Remembering. It means you know who you are but you forget from time to time. So you keep the teaching in mind and remove the forgetting. Ramana says that surrender to Isvara is equivalent to Self-inquiry because the effect is the same: you quit worrying and leave everything up to Isvara. It’s not necessarily freedom from Betty, but it is freedom for Betty, which is a great relief, one might say happiness. If you are free of Betty because you are certain you are unborn awareness, then there is no need to remember, because awareness is free of Betty. Betty is as good as non-existent from that point of view. Whether she tries to control things or not doesn’t make any difference, because she is not a real entity, only an imaginary one, a story, so to say. People who have no doubt they are awareness leave everything up to Isvara too but, as you see, for a different reason. It’s something to think about.
~ Much love, Ramji
