After our last series of exchanges, I took karma yoga to heart, making a conscious effort every day. It’s like trying to drive a new car where the controls are the opposite of what my Jiva is used to. You know those joke bicycles at country fairs which steer left when you want to go right? It’s just like that.
Sundari: Good for you. Karma yoga is the only sane and intelligent way to live, especially if you understand how our likes and dislikes colour and control everything about our lives. Wanting things to be other than the way Isvara presents them to us is deeply problematic. Though of course there are times that it is very wise to say no to Isvara because it manifests in our lives both as dharma and adharma. So learning to discriminate between truly appropriate and gratuitous action is vital to peace of mind.
Yes I know exactly what you mean about karma yoga feeling like learning to drive in a different country. Coming from South Africa, as you do in Britain, I learned to drive on the ‘wrong’ side of the car, the right! I had to train my brain to respond appropriately to driving on the road on the right side of the car, which in Europe is the left. This is a good metaphor for Maya. It reverses the truth of life and conditions the poor jiva to live according to its binding likes and dislikes – a sure recipe for suffering. Self-knowledge reverses that reversal, but it does involve training the mind to think differently. Along with the application of guna knowledge, karma yoga is life and insanity burnout insurance.
Michael: When I was a teenager, I got ditched by a beautiful girlfriend. It felt like the end of the world and I remember walking a long way home in the dark and despite the “loss” was hit in the forehead by this “pulsing” – a profound feeling that it was all OK – even though my emotions and especially identity were in turmoil. This point above the eyes, about the size of a penny, continued pulsing on and off to this day. The Jiva has never been able to control it or make it “happen”. It comes and goes like a compass, when it likes but seems to be associated with things like listening to the scriptures, exchanges with you or just being quiet.
Sundari: Interesting, I have heard this phenomenon happens to some inquirers – the activation of the pineal gland as the third eye physical sensory signal. It can be helpful as a reminder to discriminate and apply Self-knowledge when strong emotions threaten to take over the mind, which is something they are very good at doing!
Michael: As I continued with the karma yoga practice in the last weeks the pulsing went up to the crown of my head and much larger – for the first time ever in 40 years. This continued on and off for a few weeks, a bit like the matrix film where all these bits are moving in and around me, including all that I thought was “me” the Jiva and I want literally nothing, just seeing any act as giving to the field.
Sundari: Excellent. A sure sign of Self-knowledge assimilation.
Michael: Then about a week ago, just before you wrote, I went out to a party and let go a bit, feeling I needed a break from everything. It promptly disappeared, I found myself back as the Jiva. I knew what had happened as a memory but was now “lost”. But I knew now I was lost, like someone enveloped in fog, groping for a map. So I got back to the scriptures, listening to Satsang, cleaning, picking up Vivekachudamani, from the beginning. I also realised, possibly for the first time, the value of the 3 Gunas teaching.
Sundari: Maya is incredibly powerful. If we still have residual likes and dislikes, or binding vasanas, it can easily hook us and pull the mind back into its samsaric whirlpool. There is nothing wrong with ‘letting our hair down’ occasionally, but eternal vigilance is the price of freedom. We must ‘sin’ intelligently. The fact that the pulsing disappeared when you got sucked back in is a good indication of what was happening. But don’t get seduced into thinking that unless the pulsing is present, you are off course. You are never not the Self and, though it can be helpful, you don’t need any physical reminder of that. Only keeping the mind on the Self, and discriminating satya from mithya.
Michael: With our exchanges and the incredible gratitude I feel, this is all grace. To answer your kind question – I am fine, back to basics, feeling as grateful as ever and having learnt another lesson along the way. Nothing develops faith in the teaching like grace picking one up and then one’s Jiva dropping one down – the resulting knowledge is crystal clear. Much love to you both and thank you,
Sundari: I am so happy to hear this, Michael. Good for you, and keep up the great work. Vedanta works to produce the most elusive and prized thing, peace of mind. It makes sense of the craziness of life, while at the same time, delivering to us it’s true sanctity and incredible gifts.
With much love, always and all ways
Sundari
