Serena: I watched a recording of your first satsang a couple of weeks ago and was able to join the second one live. I wanted to say a quick thank you and encourage you to do more please! You and Ramji have different styles and experiences – that’s all good.
The thing I found most helpful from your satsang, is the acknowledgment that it is difficult… really difficult… to clear up your stuff, to disidentify, even when the knowledge is clear. A part of me relaxes knowing that – and it’s not complacency – the belief that I’ve failed is undermined and that’s a good thing.
It’s normal. Even when we’ve understood clearly our true identity, disidentification is likely to occur! It’s just normal. This needs to be said more often.
Sundari: Thank you for your feedback, it is much appreciated. You hit the nail on the head, that is the point I was trying most to get across in the zoom sessions I taught on the steps of self-inquiry. Self-inquiry is tough at any stage because it requires qualifications, it challenges everything you thought you knew about anything, plus it requires total surrender to the teachings. That is a big ask for any ego.
But even when you are on board with the process as an inquirer, it is still really difficult to clear up all the jiva’s unconscious programs. This is such a sticking point for most inquirers. The final stage of inquiry is not the firefly stage, because you already know you are the Self, so the knowledge does not flicker on and off. But there is still the possibility of re-identification because some residual ignorance remains, so Self-knowledge can be temporarily blocked. This is ‘normal’, part of the process of self-inquiry, and most, if not all inquirers go through it.
Maya is highly convincing and will not be dispelled without a good fight, even for inquirers who are highly qualified. Vedanta is up to the task, assuming qualifications and surrender on the part of the inquirer, of course. Vedanta is like the heavy-duty detergent we use to clean a pot with baked-in grime. Elbow grease will be necessary, but what works best is to leave the pot soaking in hot water and detergent for a good long while. So it is with ignorance, we need to soak the mind in the teachings and allow Self-knowledge to ‘do the work’. There is no detergent like the Scripture for purifying the mind and removing the accretions of ignorance, the grime of duality.
But you need to show up and expose the mind to it – which is where the elbow grease comes in. If the teachings are not applied to the mind on a thought-by-thought 24/7 basis, don’t expect them to work. As James has been teaching on the topic of what a classy mature, free person looks like, if the same dumb person keeps rocking your life and creating problems for you, then you know you still have work to do on residual ignorance. Or some qualification is missing, your lifestyle does not comply, or how you are doing self-inquiry needs revision.
Self-inquiry requires total dedication, and the ego does not like working so hard, especially when no quick results are promised or possible. While the surface ‘dust on the mirror’ vasanas may dissolve more easily, Maya makes it very difficult to remove the ‘foetus in the womb’ conditioning. What I call the ‘Durodhyana factor’, the hard part of the psyche that is very difficult to get to and only accessible when the time is right and ripe for it to surface.
It does not matter how subtle the remaining ignorance may be, it can still cause major drama and suffering for the jiva as it will surface out of the blue. This is a process that will come and go for as long as it takes. I have shared my experience of this many times. Even the slightest vestigial ignorance, especially when Self-realization has occurred, is very painful, which is why Self-actualization is so hard and seemingly illusive.
Serena: Is there any way that this tendency to re-identify can be headed off at the pass, streamlined or made easier to avoid?
Sundari: If you are really serious about freedom from and for the jiva, the answer is no. Vedanta is brutal for the ego. That is why there are so few people who are qualified for it. Most people do not have what it takes to ‘go the distance’, because they are not prepared to face what this may mean for the jiva. An unqualified ego may superficially get that it is the Self, but when it gets that self-inquiry entails addressing every single aspect of the jiva’s life, with no exceptions, it invariably backs off. Freedom from bondage usually requires changing a whole lot about who you think you are and how you live as a person, which is huge for most people.
While moksa is not about perfecting or changing the jiva or its life, it does so because Vedanta changes the ego’s entire orientation. To get there, you cannot look away; all things jiva-related must be seen and understood with reference to the Self. There is no way to reserve a patch for weeds in the garden of the mind. There is no assurance that you will be superior in any way, nor will you gain anything you don’t already have. There is no fast comfy track to enlightenment, no easy pass. Of course, the ego does not take kindly to this!
If you really are qualified for inquiry, meaning you are sick of the person you show up as, sick of living in uncertainty, ‘sick of being a slave to your fears and desires, and you know there is more to life, then Vedanta is the court of last appeal. And it does not mess around or play games; it tells you upfront who you are. So, why is this not game over?
If only it were so easy, Maya being what it is. There is this persistent belief in the spiritual world that some people are ‘special’ and ‘get it’ with ease, but that is rarely, if ever, the case. Maya is extremely efficient and hard to shake, and you are not complacent, stupid, lazy, entitled, or flawed if you stumble along the way and ignorance returns. Although all those things can be used to describe the jiva program, nonetheless, it is just a program, not who you are. You did not make the jiva the way it is.
Who you are really is perfect, unchangeable, and always present, untouched by the jiva program and the knower of it. No matter what is going on for the jiva, you are never any less the Self. Remind yourself of that when you are inclined to beat yourself up about any apparent slip-ups or brief ‘re-identifications’. See it all as part of the process of growth. And remind yourself also that the ‘steps to get there are the qualities of being there,” which is the same thing as saying you are never not the Self.
Write that up and put that somewhere you see it often. Meditate on it. Ultimately meditation is just being present with the Self, with you. Sit in silence. Silence is not the absence of sound. It is the presence of Self. You can be in silence no matter what is happening around you, because silence is a word for you. The silent ever present, impartial witness.
Also, very important at all times but especially if jiva stuff comes up for clearing, is a devotional practice. I am sure you have one, but if you do not have a place of focus, an altar, make one. It is a place in your life where you show up for God; not to find God but to be God. It is a place of worship, reflecting the love that is your true nature. Chant a mantra that appeals to you. In Vedanta, we chant identity mantras because we want to affirm our identity as the Self.
Put beautiful things on your altar as symbols of the Self. Photos of your teachers, your loved ones, a candle, maybe some incense. Any symbol will do. The Hindu religion has so many religious idols because they know that everyone has their own take on the divine and any take will do because you can’t miss. God is Life. And the God of Vedanta shares your identity in the Self.
Though the teachings are not designed to change the jiva, it will change if the teachings assimilate. It will become a classy, mature, kind, and cool person, free of worry and desire. And it will be free as a jiva to live a normal, happy life in the world without ever being “in it”. Many inquirers, once they see the jiva program in its entirety and know the game is up for it, stumble a bit on what the “new” iteration of what the jiva program will look like. Who will you be as a “free” jiva when you are no longer a jiva? Let Isvara take care of that, as it does with all things. And don’t resist those things that need to go or change. for the jiva.
Just keep applying the teachings to your life. Tell your internal hedonist and critic both to take a hike but practice tough love on your jiva. Know when it needs a kick in the butt and when it needs some compassion. Don’t indulge it, but be sure to banish shame and blame at all times. Root out those two imposters as soon as you see them arise in the mind because they are like psychic vampires out to destroy everything good about you.
They are the voices of diminishment, designed to keep you identified with the jiva. The seductive siren of desire and the toxic voices of shame are not the truth about you. They are the eternal tamasic vomit of the Causal body and are lethal to peace of mind. Self-inquiry is hard but stick with it. There is nothing in life more rewarding.
Understand the gunas with the predictable thoughts and feelings that arise with each one, and how they arise with your jiva’s guna profile. Know its ‘fault-lines’, which will be the typical response pattern established in childhood: the adaptive child program. We all have one as jivas. Get into the practice of doing what I call a ‘guna scan’ of everything that arises in the mind or situation you encounter. It is the most potent form of ‘instant psychotherapy’. No need to pick through the vomit. As all three gunas have very predictable patterns associated with them, just see which guna is dominating the mind.
Make sure you know what they are: sattva (clarity, intelligence/peace) is the nature of the mind, coupled with either rajas (desire/fear/action/passion) or tamas (dullness/tiredness/denial/sloth). Neither rajas nor tamas are a problem unless the relative proportions are out of balance with sattva. Watch how they play out in the mind, and make it a habit to catch the automatic unconscious identification. It will eventually become an automatic disidentification. Trust Self-knowledge, you are on the Vedanta bus, and that is all that matters.
Keep up the good work, you are doing great!
Much love
Sundari