James: Sorry I missed your chat request. I don’t always check my Skype. It’s best to contact me by email first. But before we chat you need a rap on the knuckles. I know how much psychological, not to mention physical, pain you are in but you need to know that you need to think, i.e. consider the situation, before you act. God is not interested in an individual’s suffering, only in facilitating one’s actions. God (Isvara) is “the desire that is not opposed to dharma.”
You already pissed Sundari off by that inconsiderate late-night call. She’s now blocked you. If you hadn’t been so focused on what you wanted and had actually considered the time difference, you wouldn’t have called. I’m a bit more patient but if I’m going to help you, you need to show some respect. Love is not enough. Wednesday’s request, which I just discovered, is the right way to go about it. You must have felt a bit guilty, which is good but not good enough. Because you know how to give love, you perhaps assume that people should accommodate your demands, no matter what. But love freely given to a loved one does not entitle you to do or say anything you want when you want to do or say it. Love, an emotional value, should be its own reward. We are not love-starved, because love is our moment-to-moment experience. You can’t add any love to us. We don’t need respect, an intellectual value, either, because we respect ourselves completely. However, if you feel that we can help you, then it is your duty to consider our needs for a good night’s sleep. It is a simple thing. For you to become an altogether well-integrated person, the head and the heart need to be united. The intense stress that you experience is a sign that your subtle body is not in yoga, which is the first stage of the journey to liberation.
The Solution
The whole point of karma yoga is to objectify the person, meaning to see it in context, which is always other people. When a person is ego-obsessed, he or she has little feeling for the feelings of others or the appreciation of one’s actual spiritual needs. I was accommodating when you were here, all right, not because you are a charming person, which you are, but because that is my nature, but it was impossible not to notice how self-centered you are when you visited. My friends noticed it too. The point, however, is that Sandy notice how self-centered she is. Yes, Sandy is an object to the Self, but Sandy needs to appear as an object to Sandy as well. The number-one qualification for liberation is dispassion, which is just a healthy distance from one’s desirer/doer entity. I think that is what your friend was trying to tell you when he wrote you off.
If you had actually been more aware of your spiritual needs and the dharma of the tradition when you decided to attend the teachings, you would have put your worldly business on hold so your mind would be available for the healing effects of the satsang. You even took up a relationship since you professed a desire for liberation. People with common sense don’t take up relationships when they are stressed by heavy karma, because relationships don’t help; they are just one more ball to juggle. One certainly doesn’t go into relationships for freedom.
Anyway, what happened is good because it showed me what needs work. So the ignorance of which I speak is not ignorance of the doctrine; you’re okay on that level. It is not appreciating the dharma of each situation, particularly when you are out of your element. Your behavior is understandable in light of your career but not in light of Vedanta. Vedanta is for mature, classy people who put the needs of others first when appropriate. You’re a bit primitive and were never properly cultured. It’s not surprising, knowing what I know about your family situation.
If you want to please me, you need to be a good karma yogi. And you need to please me because I can help you because I know more about Sandy than Sandy does and I can show you how to set yourself free. Sandy’s desire to succeed blinds her to certain facts. I can’t tell you what to do and I don’t want to – it’s not like that – but you need to be sensitive to my suggestions. I give hints and see if a person picks up on them and implements them. If they do, they grow quickly. If not, I leave them to Isvara and Isvara corrects them in ways that are not always pleasant.
I suspected that I was going to have to write this letter when we first met but I didn’t say anything, because I wanted to let things unfold naturally so I could see where you are at spiritually. You have the desire but it needs to be paramount and it needs to be accompanied by several other qualifications, particularly discrimination and dispassion. As long as it is one among several goals, you won’t be successful in any endeavor. So I suggest that first you get your career under control, then figure out the relationship business if you can’t convert your emotions into devotion to the truth. Obviously, relationships in the world only work as karma yoga. If you subtract the spiritual component – the desire for freedom from Sandy – and do your life as a kind of secular karma yoga, you will probably be as happy as any worldly person but if you appreciate the desire behind your desire for security, control and love as a proxy for the desire to free yourself of the wanting person, then karma yoga will take you all the way.
People come to the Self for various reasons, the main reason being suffering. Others see the advantage of having God on their side so they kiss Isvara’s ass to get what they want. The best class of seekers are sattvic, curious people, who have their lives in order; their minds are subtle and capable of growth. Karma yoga sattva-sizes the mind.
Enough already. If you want to have a satsang, I’m home alone with time on my hands this week. I’d like to hear your views on this email but I won’t be surprised if you write me off although a simple apology would set things straight.
~ Much love, James
