Dear Sundari
Thank you, your last satsang precisely describes what I as Jiva needed to hear, especially with the two Satsangs attached.
As happens more when we communicate in the last year my initial reaction upon reading is like getting hit in the face with a wet fish of “wake the hell up” but this is not a complaint at all, quite the opposite and especially this time. I let it sink in and came back to it this morning.
This is like coming up for air.
It puts certain things I had weighted incorrectly into context, my mind needed a course correction while knowing there is no course or path – I as the Jiva was (for whatever reason) stuck in yet another eddy in Samsara – the usual flavor of thinking I as the Jiva can’t do this when I had tried so hard – all of which is ironically true because as the Jiva I cannot.
I think this is where further dispassion and discrimination is needed in the mind now. Time to get a grip; but holding onto the knowledge not “myself” which is like holding onto a rope and continually sliding back down (versus the Self).
Sundari: I am not sure what you mean here – maybe you meant to say sliding back down into the Self? If so, who needs to ‘get a grip’ or is holding the rope? You cannot ‘slide back into the Self’ because you are the Self. The only sliding is done by the ego, which thinks it is separate from the Self, and needs to course correct. Maybe that is what you mean.
Dario: Your points regarding Freud’s unconscious – but in Vedanta terms in “Are you the candle or the sun?” make this clear to me. Freud and modern psychology, I think as you pointed out in a recent Video, never gave / give the basis for the individual to “Peer into the Abyss” without just dropping into it or becoming highly dependent on the psychologist to pull them out. While this is logically impossible (as the Abyss is by nature Unconscious) most humans, even with just modest Self Reflection, are aware of the immensity of the Sun versus “they as the candle” and suffer – good for the psychology business, good for duality religions, good for the drug companies.
Sundari: Yep! As you point out, without nondual guidance, even the most objective reflection by a worldly mind, no matter how brilliant or switched on, will still be limited to and stuck in the box of duality. And this is grist to the mill of most religious systems, and of course, those who profit from fear.
Dario: What is missing in Psychology is perhaps the knowledge of who is observing, witnessing this person looking at the Abyss as well as the Karma Yoga view which is Life is not just “My Abyss” – there is a much vaster system, like the Unconscious, but way more massive, around me as the Jiva and including all Jivas and things with the same governing principles which is astounding – one apparently massive sun amongst billions of suns.
Sundari: Yes, the missing factor, identifying as Consciousness, the only factor that can get the mind out of the mess of duality, is completely missing in standard psychology, science and most other places.
Dario: So it is no wonder that as a Jiva I feel doubly overwhelmed – by the particular unconscious Vasanas I mistakenly associate with “me” (and this is where I am as the Jiva, the knowledge is not yet firm) and then how these inevitably interact with the world (and everyone else’s Vasanas) and, whatever the Universe happens to be doing that day which may be totally not “in line” with my wishes which is hilarious now versus a decade ago when it wasn’t.
Sundari: I think its time to take a good look at that persistent and recurring overwhelm. The ego has had plenty of bandwidth on that score, but is it really so? Maybe you are just a tad too diligent, and hesitant to claim your identity as the Self. I address this below.
Dario: You said “ “Free will” is the conscious mind’s ability to veto the stimulus before it morphs into automatic action generated by the unconscious.” – in Vedanta I understand this to be Sama (regarding the Gunas) and Dharma: Free will is not the ticket it as purported by common culture – if not exercised with these two it automatically means more binding, more misery which I as the Jiva (unconsciously!!) chose in ignorance, it was free will but it wasn’t because “I” and most people once bound would probably say “I did not want this” or “I only tried to do the right thing” (even dictators). This is a crucial part of the puzzle I have not seen yet.
Sundari: Yes, spot on. ‘Free will’ in mithya terminology is determined by the objectivity the mind has developed in understanding its conditioning. But, that objectivity alone is not ‘free’ nor does it have much to do with freedom because it does not address the main problem: the doer who believes they need something to be happy and/or do something to be a better person. For most worldly, small-self-aware people this translates into more binding vasanas. As in, ‘I don’t want this, but that’. And it is interesting that every dictator alive today or who has ever lived has plundered, oppressed, and murdered in the name of ‘freedom’.
Dario: I had not heard of the “Red Queen Hypothesis” but love the books and it’s close to my heart. I am horribly familiar with feeling like Alice – “that in her world you have to keep running just to stay in the same place”.
This has been how I as Jiva have felt most of my life, out of place, trying to escape the treadmill, many treadmills, all manner of “escapes” of “misled inquiry” (just intellectual rebellion) – but through this – I as Jiva am still here, still on the treadmill; no apparent “change” for the Jiva. This is a fact. Wiser in the mind but even this can hinder – knowledgeable about my own mental “vomit”, knowledgeable about all kinds of intelligent sounding things but honestly inside still staring at the apparently impossible.
Sundari: I came across the ‘Red Queen Hypothesis” term recently myself, and realized its relevance with reference to the samsaric treadmill. It describes everyone’s experience under the spell of Maya—running like mad to get where they think they need to be, but staying in the same place. Honestly, I think you are too hard on yourself, Dario. I do not think you stuck on this treadmill any more, at all. You have made great progress. Again, I address this below.
Dario: My inquiry is now who is staring? How can “awareness” stare at anything? It can’t as awareness, can I as awareness via the mind illuminated by awareness with the knowledge Vedanta provides? This subtlety can only be supported by the qualifications (I think) – if I as the Self (identifying as the Self) inquire with dispassion, discrimination (and the others) then those miserable identifications with the not-Self can be seen – not as impending Goliaths but as “just Mithya”. David was not alone – he did have tremendous skill with a sling shot, perhaps not unlike Arjuna with his friend Krishna.
Sundari: Awareness does not ‘stare at anything’ other than itself. Everything ‘you’ see with human eyes is you in apparent form. You are the seer who ‘sees’ only itself even as you transact with the world of apparent objects. The presence of Awareness makes seeing possible, but you as Awareness only ‘see’ objects when Maya is operating. Macrocosmic Maya does not disappear when your personal ignorance (avidya) is removed. You can enjoy the show without getting fooled by it. It’s all ok.
Dario: Had I not met James and Vedanta and with both your help this would be a lost cause. I’d like to say now “I get it” but this would not be honest, even after all this time but it is no burden at all. I do know now that that this is not a lost cause at all and am so grateful, it is beyond words to describe.
Sundari: Everything you say is so well put as always, Dario. My previous email to you, and the two I attached, all speak to the incredible subtlety of grasping nonduality for the human mind; it is beyond its normal ‘scope’. Though the human mind is the most complex and sophisticated piece of equipment in creation, it is bound by duality, and subject to the Causal body. No matter how sophisticated our understanding is, whether that is scientific, medical, philosophical or spiritual, there is no way to step out of the box of duality without a valid means of knowledge that can do it for you – and the only option there is Vedanta. There simply is no other way. That is indeed a sobering realization to come to for most inquirers. You were one of the blessed ones to have found Vedanta, that is for sure. And we are so honoured to be of help to you.
As I said previously, as much as nonduality makes it clear what your true identity is as the Self, what the mind is, how and why it is programmed the way it is, and what the solution is—the process of liberation is far from easy. It takes not only firm Self-knowledge, which means the mind is no longer conditioned by gunas (even though they still play out), it takes unshakeable confidence to stand as the Self. The confidence not to proclaim it. The confidence to claim it.
I have been fortunate because I have lived with James for the last 16 years, and been exposed to how that works. It is not easy for those such as yourself who have no-one in their immediate proximity to model freedom for them. This very often is the cause of recurring doubts and confusion, which really have no basis in truth anymore. But somehow there is still a catch, some strings of ignorance have not been severed even though they are seen. Nobody can do that for you.
You know who you are, but these patterns still arise like dust that gets kicked up when we walk on a dusty road. These mental/emotional patterns cause endless rumination and loss of confidence: “how could these thoughts still appear if I know who I am’? Well, all thoughts are universal vasanas arising from the Causal body. It’s ok to ‘be human’ when you know your true identity. Thoughts and feelings are objects know to you, and I will bet that the habitual patterns are mostly burned ropes by now. It’s Ok to say: ‘So what?’ at this point.
I can assure you that being the Self can still mean you can be a pain in the ass as a jiva, to yourself and ‘others’, at times. Neither James or me are in any way perfect as people. You will never expunge every bit of mithya and you are never going to be perfect as a jiva. Again, so what? When you know you are the Self, it doesn’t matter anymore. The jiva is what it is, with a certain personality and some of its ways will remain unchanged. Rendering binding vasanas nonbinding means you have overcome your biggest downfall: chasing the joy in objects identified as a doer. And imperfection as a jiva does not mean that you do not follow dharma perfectly. As the Self, there is no other option. And as a jiva, following dharma is your main protection from all the vicissitudes of life. James is going to talk about this on Sunday.
Chasing the world is over for you now. Will you never feel lonely again? Maybe not, and maybe you will. But you will be the knower of the apparent loneliness. So, is it loneliness, or all oneness? It can be both. Love is nice. Being loved and ‘seen’ is lovely. Who doesn’t want that, and why not?? Even when you know you are the love that makes love possible and the ‘seer’ that makes being seen possible.
Maybe you think you are holding onto to the tightline and sliding back, but you can never again get lost because you are home. You are not ‘at home’. You are Home. Maybe the solution is to get off the dusty road? Or, just enjoy the dust. Say—oh, this is nice, a little trip in the country on a scenic dirt road. I wonder what wonders I will find? Allow yourself to feel the uncomplicated awe of just being alive in this beautiful creation, with all its wonder, beauty, cruelty and banality. And let some dust get up your nose!
We have a friend who is dying, experiencing terrible physical pain. But she is completely consumed with ecstasy so sublime she has no words for it. Just the raw, pure, powerful bliss of the Self, unfiltered. That is who you are. That is what life really is, all of it. For her, to took facing death to fully realize this, though she always knew it. The seeming loss and gain, the zero sum. The one sum.
Time to stop worrying. You are nothing like Alice in Wonderland who has to keep running to stay in the same place. You are the place, the only placeless place that is nowhere and everywhere. Trust it. Life will continue to serve up lemons along with the good stuff, but hey! Life is beautiful all the same.
Highly motivated and qualified inquirers like yourself, with such a great intellect, can fall into the trap of overthinking and ‘falling in love’ with your doubts. Maybe you need to cut yourself some slack and relax a bit. Take it easy, as Swami Abedhananda instructed James when he cut him loose on the world, with a wink and a big grin!
Being the Self is not difficult because it is a fait accompli—something that can ever be disputed or lost. For sure the mind can still play tricks, but it cannot fool you for long. You are wide awake, dear friend. Celebrate it.
With much love
Sundari
