Love you, Ramji. Isvara is taking care of everything for jiva. Its worries and fears, so I can be. I just listened to a satsang about the transmigration of jiva at death. It seems the same as waking, dreaming, deep sleep, that is comforting. Any remnant of grief is an attachment to name and form. It is just a matter of perseverance and patience now, loosening the grip on ignorance finger by finger. At times it has felt like the body is on fire, and the mind finds such deep despair. I must say it made me a little worried. But normalizing death makes this bearable because, whether rational or irrational, the main fear is always death of the body. I guess there is also fear of losing the mind, but if that is lost there is nothing to fear, existence remains. What you said last night also helped, samadhi, the pleasant and unpleasant vrittis are equal in duality, one is needed for the other to exist.
I am writing this out in the hopes that this sticks next round of the rodeo. Or at least so I can read it again. I suspect there is more to be churned. I’ve encountered this purifying/tapas previously in yoga before vedanta explained it, and still it’s important to keep a beginner’s mind. I liked what you said last night, to be confident.
Ramji: Yes, there is always more to be learned until there isn’t. What’s important is that you trust Isvara to take care of you. This way your mind stays quiet and you can make deliberate rational choices with reference to moksa.
