Dear Ramji,
I wanted to send an email to check-in. I continue to study Vedanta through your writings, Shiningworld satsangs, and the scriptures daily. I’m thoroughly enjoying Ed Faust’s commentary on Vivekachudamani (I am reading Swami Dayananda’s alongside it). I have also started listening to your Yoga of Love audio lectures.
I believe my confidence is steadily growing and my conditioning gradually dissolving. I keep my mind on the self with regularity–it is like an unceasing prayer or meditation throughout my day. I most notice my vasanas/conditioning when I (i.e., the jiva) feel agitated by social/relational issues usually having to do with thoughts about being liked/disliked, approved of, judged, etc. It is during these moments I recognize how I am identifying as the experiencing entity with its “story of me” rather than centering my identity as awareness and recognizing these thoughts/feelings as mithya. I, as awareness, am not affected nor changed by these thoughts/feelings/experiences. The discomfort does not necessarily dissolve immediately, but eventually, it does as I remind myself of the truth of the scriptures, my nature as awareness, and the truth of this apparent reality.
I spent my early years as a devout, evangelical Christian and upon eventually recognizing the intellectual, logical, and spiritual shortcomings of Christianity, I abandoned it feeling quite disillusioned and distrusting of any systems proclaiming the absolute truth about life. I developed a fear of being “duped” again as I was with Christianity for so long. Furthermore, In studying the philosophy/psychology/science of mind, I’ve learned how prone to deception, distortion, error, and bias our mind/intellect is. This doubt was also bolstered by a passionate pilgrimage through existentialism, postmodernism, atheism, and “a journey to the East” that included Taoism and Buddhism. Thus, my doubts concerning Vedanta usually arise in the form of these thoughts: “am I being duped by a spiritual system again? Do I have a weakness for needing a comforting meta-narrative about life? Is Vedanta merely a psychological trick for bypassing a “human person-identity” and substituting it with a “mythical spiritual identity” (e.g., I’m not this flawed human being, but a cosmic, witnessing non-person which can safely ignore the human person)? Rather than being the truth is Vedanta merely an elegant psychological sleight of hand for escaping psychological suffering (while pragmatically speaking, what difference does it make if it is the “Truth” if it works to eliminate suffering?
In other words, I developed a healthy (I think) skepticism toward grand metanarratives about life and ultimate truth. I’ll admit to a bristling reaction when I heard that Vedanta is the truth revealed to rishis as this strikes a chord similar to the alleged revelatory nature of the Hebrew/Christian scriptures. Given my history, I am prone to doubt any system that claims to know the absolute truth about anything. However, saying I am prone to doubt does not mean I am not open to accepting such truth.
As for Vedanta, I listen with an open heart and mind to your teachings about the history of Vedanta and its rigorous and empirical investigations into the nature awareness and existence (sravana). While these doubts and fears of “being duped” arise, they pass as I study and meditate on the teachings. The logic and teachings regarding the changing nature of the world and life and the unchanging, ever-present nature of awareness are sound, powerful, and compelling. When these doubts and fears arise I take a stand as awareness, center my mind on the Self, and note that these doubts and fears are thoughts/ideas arising in awareness. I try to simply let them be while I continue my devotion, study, and practice. I remember that I am on the Vedanta bus and need to trust the process: sravana, manana, and nididyasana. Still, sometimes I wish these old fears of being duped would leave me be. Ha!
With love and eternal gratitude
Hi Charles,
Lovely to hear from you. I’m sorry for the delay but I’ve been very busy lately and all the Vedanta emails go in a cue. Today yours popped up. I’ll bypass the chit-chat, cut to the chase and introduce another idea just to see how you relate to it.
For spiritual growth and for freedom, it is not necessary to accept Vedanta’s claim of revelation, although it is a very helpful teaching if you understand it properly. It is not necessary to accept it if you just listen to the teachings with an unbiased mind because the unexamined logic of your own experience will recognize and accept it naturally. The logic of the teaching produces knowledge, which removes the effects of ignorance and produces growth. However, what beginning people don’t realize and shouldn’t realize—until they do— is that Vedanta is going to eventually destroy its own methodology and with it the one that has the doubt about it.
Vedanta is a pathless path, meaning the one who walks it, will sooner or later realize that he or she never walked it. It’s so sneaky that you don’t even realized you are being duped until you are informed by the teacher that you’ve been duped all along and that the duping is good for you. It’s not in the same ballpark as dualistic faith religions, which try to link you back to God on the basis of blind belief. Yes, we insist that you provisionally believe in God pending the result of your investigation into God but this belief (sraddha) is going to be converted into knowledge first and then Vedanta is going to destroy the knowledge itself because knowledge is still duality. It depends for its existence on ignorance as ignorance depends in it. Anything that depends on something else for its existence is not real. In the end you are going to discover that you are a pure non-doing entity that faces life without beliefs, opinions, knowledge, ignorance, desire or fear.
I’m attaching a few verse of commentary on the Invocation mantras of a book of commentaries I’m writing on Ramana Maharshis Sat Darshanam, which has the status of an Upanishad, Vedanta’s source texts. If its a stretch at this time, forget it and stick with your program in so far as it seems to be working for Charles. It’s often difficult to understand what we mean when we say that freedom is not freedom for Charles but is freedom from Charles. Anyway, I’m just fishing, trying to see if you’ll bite. If the worm looks suspicious, ignore it and stick with your present food source. Please get back to me either way.
Much love,
Ramji
