A Salmon Swimming Upstream
James: Today let’s talk about the three simple steps to freedom, the application of knowledge. Shankara calls it jnana abhyasa, practising knowledge. If you say I’m sad, I’m depressed, I’m angry, I’m happy, I’m guilty, I’m satisfied, etc., etc., these are stories that have nothing to do with yourself.
Yeah, I understand that.
James: You are not producing the story. The gunas are. If you say I’m happy, virtuous and satisfied, sattva is producing that story. If you say I’m agitated, angry, and competitive rajas is generating it. When you say I’m depressed, listless, and dull, tamas is at work.
We are not concerned with (1) the story or (2) the guna that causes it. We are only interested in (3) the storyteller. What is #3? It is awareness, the knower of the first two. If you objectify and drop the first two, you immediately go Awareness. You have identified yourself.
I understand that. In the voicemail, I wasn’t claiming a story.
James: I agree. You weren’t, but your voice was. Right?
That’s where it’s unconscious?
James: Yes. You were your voice because if you were awareness, you would not speak in a depressing tone of voice. There would be bliss in it because awareness is bliss. The knowledge was right, but the voice was wrong. When you signed on a minute ago your voice was cheerful and happy because the self answered the call.
Umm…
James: So, to get to bliss all you have to do is monitor the gunas, move your attention to awareness and know that awareness is bliss. It’s totally simple.
I understand that. These are subtle thoughts
James: Which are also a story.
Yes.
James: What guna are they?
Well, they are knowledge, which is sattva.
James: Yes. Now, what you didn’t say is very interesting. Where are you speaking from now?
From the I, from the observer, in this moment. There is only this moment.
James: There you go, there is only this moment. Now keep thinking. Therefore, what? Therefore, who gives a damn about subtle thoughts? If I ask if you want to be rid of subtle thoughts, you will probably say yes because you want to be awareness, right?
Umm…maybe.
James: The “maybe” means you are thinking now. The answer is you don’t need to get rid of the subtle thoughts or any non-subtle thoughts. Why?
Because you are awareness before you can think a thought. So, the thoughts only mean something if you think you aren’t awareness.
I will come back to this and own it but please give me the liberty to ask a question.
James. OK. I’m going to indulge you and pretend that you’re not awareness.
What I noticed is that I have a bad attitude. Swami TV says that sadhana should be joyful, but for me it’s always been about problem solving. No wonder that’s depressing. Right?
James: Right. I’m happy that you didn’t conflate depression with the I.
Because it’s endless, you know, you never get to the end of a life full of problems. I notice that it is the mind’s habit to automatically flip into problem mode. And as you say, the voice reveals it. It’s the gunas at work. I get it.
James: Good. So there’s no problem.
Okay, it feels like effort.
James: “It feels like effort” is another series of words that refer to action and seems to imply that action is a problem. But action and doership are not a problem for me, awareness. I don’t have instruments of action.
So if you can learn to think this way, you’re good to go always in every minute. This way of thinking is non-dual knowledge. It destroys the idea that life is just a bunch of problems and immediately replaces it with the direct experience of being, which is anandam, joy.
Yes. Maybe the idea that problems are the problem isn’t accurate. When I was reading one of Sundari’s satsangs I realized that there is an abiding sense of disappointment, the feeling that I’ve missed something. Owning the problem of missing out is ignorance.
James: Cool. Now you’re thinking. You’ve been victimized by FOMO, fear of missing out. You need to cultivate JOMO, the joy of missing out.
Yes. Yes. That’s good. You’re right. Yeah, absolutely. Yes.
James: Self inquiry is tracing back to the source, cause and effect. If you do, you always come to a place where there’s no problem. You can’t keep pretending that you are a feeling-thinking entity. You are purely a knowing entity that’s unaffected by what it knows. There is torture in Ukraine but you don’t feel it. You know it. It may produce an emotion but you don’t feel the emotion, which is just a sentient entity making a story about it.
Yeah, yeah, it doesn’t affect this particular person.
James: We understand how unjust, violent, ugly and evil it is and we observe our equipment feeling compassion and a sense of injustice and sadness but I am still me. I am still aware. That situation and the feelings it causes are away from me. I never cease to be me and become them.
I know I’m going back into the story, but it for me, it’s helpful. It gets rid of quite a lot. There is FOMO around spirituality and being spiritual, which is crazy because my nature is awareness and awareness is bliss.
James: Yes, even people in great pain want to live another day because life itself is bliss. Some Vedanta people are bedeviled by the fear of claiming I am bliss even though it is true. They say, “I can’t say I’m a happy person, because my feelings are telling me that I’m not a happy person.” They are afraid they will become enlightenment sick because they are samsara sick. See how they have to lie to themselves to avoid dealing with the truth. So called normal life is not healthy. To hell with feelings. They are just an opportunity to small-self obsess.
Exactly. Exactly.
James: We are swimming against the stream. We have to hide behind rocks and collect our energy before we dart out into the current and swim like hell to make a little progress.
And…?
James: It is easier to surrender to stories, which is like circling in placid eddies.
Every moment is a challenge, just staying with knowing and staying away from identifying with feelings.
James : Standing as awareness.
You see, already when I think about it, I’ve gone serious.
James: Yes. Standing as awareness is hard work and, come to think about it, sounds very vague. It’s a little too abstract for me. I don’t think I’ll stand as awareness today. And simple knowing? I’m suspicious of things that sound to easy. I think I’ll go shopping.
Yeah. Yeah. And you know what? If the Jiva shows up as serious, that’s not my problem. It’s, its problem. I’m aware of her depressions.
James; I make fun my seriousness and my dumb jokes to demonstrate the attitude of a person who knows that they’re free. Swamiji used to act like a total fool in certain situations when he felt that he would not be misunderstood. If there was somebody who had a particular idea of what swamis were supposed to act like, they would hate the swami. But all the ego’s posturing and pretending, spiritual and worldly, is funny. I get the same problem sometimes in my seminars. Serious people can be very irritating.
Every bit of Vedanta is right from the very beginning. When Sanjaya is remotely telling Dhritarashtra, the blind king, meaning an ignorant person, what’s happening on the battlefield he says. “ Krishna said to Arjuna, I have taught you the wisdom of Vedanta. Now I will teach you the wisdom of yoga, a little bit of which removes great fear.” Arjuna is all ears because he’s afraid of killing the good guys. Notice, he’s not afraid of killing the bad guys. In fact, he’s full of revenge. That’s serious for you. But Krishna positioned his chariot in front of two men he respected and who he would have to kill to win the war, instead of in front of Durydhodana, whom he hated. When Krishna pivots from Vedanta to yoga, Sanjaya says, “Krishna, as if smiling…”. Krishna didn’t smile outwardly because he didn’t want to insult Arjuna, but he was inwardly laughing. Awareness, observing the world, is always laughing. I know a comedian who is serious about comedy. If that isn’t funny, I don’t know what is.
One beautiful day a long time ago I was on the street in India in a big crowd near a temple with a gay friend who wasn’t sure if he was gay or straight, much less if he was awareness, when a woman walked up to him and said, “Why are you crying when the Lord is laughing in your heart?” As mysteriously as she appeared she blended back into the crowd and disappeared. So, you just need to know the difference between what you’re experiencing, serious or not, and who you are.
