Ramji,
Greetings. I have begun Chapter 6 in the Gita. Resumed daily meditation and study as part of my early morning routine. The first few verses of Chapter 6 seem to reinforce the idea of renouncing attachment and Karma yoga as a precondition to successful meditation. I am now faced with a definitive crossroad. My meditations painfully reveal the habitual thought pattern of need for validation, either through the repetitive desire for romantic love, or social acceptance. As a consequence of Self Inquiry I have long since renounced the actions that kept me bound to social acceptance and popularity. Next I renounced the actions that were binding me to continued attachment toward women. Recently with the false attacks on my character from jealous people withing the Native community AND the my wife’s desire for a divorce, I am faced squarely with the bubbling up of desires to replace these situations with new ones. I could go on the counter attack. Restore my good name. Find a new faithful wife. All that. But as I delve deeper into my study the seed of an idea has begun to sprout. Purity. I renounce the desire itself!! Not just the actions. The idea of sitting down with a young woman and negotiating all our desires together seems like a trap. Building myself up socially and establishing the truth of my legitimacy. All these will only lead to more duties in life to perform. I know it sounds like lip service. But to ACTUALLY LIVE IT. Wow. Talk about a rebellious move. It’s one thing to walk away chasing enlightenment. But refusing to re-engage after having been released is something else entirely. I guess I was never tied down in the first place. But things are def simplifying. Can I really trust God with my life? Commit to this path 100%?! Why not ?? It seems drastic from the perspective of a normal person. But I am not a normal person it seems. Through you God has opened a door for me. It has taken years now just to get to the point of entertaining true dispassion. Committing to the path of non dual love. Nothing to get. Nothing to lose. I feel like I walked through hell to get here. But this firefly is blinking more on than off these days. I have a healthy fear of Maya now. She can easily suck me back into attachment if I am not careful. Maybe one day I will be impervious. Maybe one day the knowledge will be my reality all the time and unshakeable. Now that’s a goal worth shooting for.
Love
J….
You are a lucky man. Isvara has cleared your karma and set you up. The door is wide open. Actually, you already walked through it. Now you can renounce the renouncer. It’s the last stage. I don’t honestly don’t think you could go back to samsara. You know too much. Respect your Self. Fuck the opinions of fools. God is the only faithful wife. It knows you and loves you unconditionally. You’re not a “normal” person, thanks be to God.
A normal person praised a wise man. He said, “How great you are. You have renounced the things in this world for the truth.” And the wise man said, “Actually you are a much greater renuniciate. You have renounced the truth for the things of this world.”
Swamiji defined an enlightened person as a sane healthy person. The world is insane because it makes a big story about trivia. A fool is someone who knows life is zero-sum but keeps trying to make it work.
Don’t look back.
I love you, man.
J…..Tears of happiness. Praise to the Gurus and the teaching. Forever grateful
