Well… the last few weeks have been a roller-coaster of emotion. Discernment seems to be watching me from afar these days. I know the truth but it seems impossible to apply. My marriage has been such a paradigm of my reality for so long, it would seem I folded it into what I consider to “me” when calculating my discernment between the real and unreal. It’s like ” OK, I am the unmoveable, unchanging, unconcerned awareness. Got it.” But really being married is like this: “Hey honey, guess what? WE are unmoving, unchanging unconcerned awareness! Isn’t that great! Did you take out the trash?”
My wife has been such a foundation of my reality I had no idea how attached I was to her. You know you love someone but when they tell you they don’t love YOU anymore then all of a sudden the tether is dangling and I find myself more extroverted than ever. I know you pointed out that it’s ironic from a karmic standpoint. Isvara is playing hardball now. When you sit down and pray to be released of your samskaras, you really don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. Who is this little, scared, needy person who is afraid to be alone? I guess I’m gonna have find out. What a fuck his trip is.
Ramji: God is very jealous. It wants one hundred percent of your love. Thankfully that 100% includes all sentient beings. This is the big one. When it’s over…this too shall pass…life is very easy.
