Thanks James! The Relationless Relationship satsang is exactly how it seems to me and it is so helpful to have you spell it out clearly and verify my understanding.
A deep feeling of calmness and okayness has settled over me, and I feel like I’ve somehow been restored to being healthy and normal; where normal is just simple and “right” and wonderful. I can’t really describe how good this feels. All the scrambling neediness has stopped. From this position I really want to somehow wrestle “Kenneth” around and retrain it, until his life becomes useful to God and the world, and also well cared for himself/itself, if that is possible. I hope you will continue to be a teacher for me, I would like to continue to count on you to check my understanding and help me stay on track.
I am continuing the karma yoga and inquiry practice although it does seem a little forced and unnecessary now, like there is nothing to be done and that is just how my mind works now, automatically without any effort or intention. In the past there have been times I have had this same feeling of stillness and it lasted anywhere from seconds to weeks, but without the well-being. Other times I’ve experienced a solid perception that I and all existence was one singular thing, that experience has not returned. In all cases I eventually resumed the ordinary consciousness that is founded on inadequacy.
So I want to continue to work. I don’t feel like I have anything to gain exactly, except to be useful like I said, and maybe to stabilize, and what else is there to do? Just hanging around being blissed out would be weird for me, I’d like to contribute.
James: I see you as a friend, Ken. Of course I will continue to support you. This email exposes two issues that you should consider. This sense of well-being is the result of assimilating Self knowledge. First, although, from the Self’s perspective there is nothing more to do, from Matt’s perspective, there is more to do. The impulse that caused you to say, “From this position I really want to somehow wrestle “Kenneth” around and retrain it, until his life becomes useful to God and the world, and also well cared for himself/itself, if that is possible” should be nurtured because it is definitely possible. It’s the only smart play. It is highly unlikely that the shift will unshift. I think the knowledge of what you are is firm, so your seeking i.e. suffering on that score is likely gone for good.
On the other hand the effects of the ignorance of what you are, are still latent in Ken’s karma stream and should be diligently addressed. About this stage of the spiritual life, Swamiji, my teacher, used to wisely say, “Hasten slowly.” The intention to “wrestle” the Ken object is good, hence “hasten.” But the retraining takes time, hence “slowly.” One Upanishad says, “One hundred years,” meaning the rest of your life. You need to “protect” the Ken object from the tamasic impulse not to do what needs to be done, and as such become a blessing to your colleagues and friends. You are right that a formal karma yoga practice now seems forced. But in essence karma yoga is just knowledge; the results of what we do are not up to us. So we “practice knowledge,” until it is natural to think this way, because that’s the way it is. There needn’t be anxiety about the outcome because service to God itself is its own reward. The heart that gives, gathers as it gives. So from now on there is just an ever-expanding sense of well-being because you are expressing your compassionate nature toward the person who is closest to you…Ken. His mind and body are the world, which is to say God. The outcome…a noble person…is foreordained when you serve the Lord. So you don’t get frustrated or lazy when rajas and tamas rear their ugly little heads. You just patiently bring the teaching to mind, and soldier on simplifying and purifying your life. That gleaming beautiful new motorcycle is a lovely symbol of Ken, who is the vehicle of the Lord. Ride it with pride.
In this way, you take care of the God principle, which is non-different from you, existence/awareness. It’s great because this impulse to purify your life, means that you have avoided one of the most pernicious traps for Self-realized people—enlightenment sickness, which is to say letting the ego co-opt the knowledge of what you are. I don’t see you prancing around in flowing robes proclaiming your great attainment to the world, because what happened was a joint effort. You did your bit. I did my bit. The scripture did its bit and God delivered the result. So keep in touch and tidy up around the house.
Love,
James
