James: Hi, Mary.
I’m as fed up with this issue as you are. I thought we laid it to rest six months ago, but these deep samskaras have ways of living to fight another day. That is why we have the idea of nididyasana. Swami P. says that the jiva should do five years in sravana, 10 years in manana and 15 years in nididyasana. Of course that assumes that an inquirer is not highly qualified when he enters the sravana stage. In our conversations I always test to see if you are ready to move from shravana to manana, and the lights go on for minute or two, but then the resistance comes and I understand that you need to remain in the sravana stage a while longer.
Another way to put this is in terms of moving from karma yoga, which you pretty much have a lock on, to jnana yoga, which is difficult for you. Jnana yoga is about satya/mithya. There is a lot of tamas in your mind, and it causes you to resist it. I’m not saying that you consciously resist it. I’m saying that unpurified tamas clouds your intellect and you just can’t get it, even though it is a very simple idea. A highly qualified person will not need karma yoga and will get satya/mithya in a very short time, sometimes the first time she hears the teaching.
You may recall a conversation about the perfection vasana you picked up from your mother, who you told me was the “most judgmental person in the world.” You “got it” at that time and were grateful for the imput, and then tamas came back and you “un-got it.” This is totally common.
Reading scripture is one thing, reading life is another. The proof of one’s knowledge is in how it impacts on the jiva in mithya. If the jiva doesn’t grow, what is the point? It’s not that you’re a tough nut – you are “rightly resolved,” as scripture calls it, meaning you have strong mumukshutva. You’ve been seeking a long time and doing Vedanta for five years. But tamas is a tough guna, and you need to recognize tamas-think and not buy into it.
See how pesky duality is! The whole “perfection” teaching is this: only the self is perfect, the jiva is never perfect. Moksa will not make the jiva perfect, although it will purify the jiva. There is no perfect worldly guru. Isvara is the perfect guru. So if you can see that Isvara has been teaching you all along, then you can cut the guru some slack. He can never live up to your expectations, just like you could never live up to your mother’s expectations. That’s the whole purpose of the svadharma teaching. People are what they are, so what use is control? The reason it is important is that if you don’t project your expectations on others, then that energy can be used for something important – your inquiry.
~ Much love, James
