Dear Sundari, Why are some emotions so intense, and run so ‘hot’? I have been through years of psychotherapy, most recently CBT, which did help to gain some objectivity about what drives this personal identity. I gave it up since Vedanta came into my life as I see how limited psychotherapy is. I have recently been applying the teachings of Vedanta religiously, especially karma yoga and mind management. Still, there are some pitfalls that I just do not know how to avoid. They get me every time. It all happens so fast, it really feels like a different person takes over. I lose all dispassion before I can apply karma yoga or guna knowledge.
I particularly like the handle you came up with at Trout Lake – go for the guna. It’s such a helpful way to short circuit or circumvent the jiva story. But nonetheless, when these big emotions are triggered, it does not help. I know very well where they come from, the story attached to them. Therapy did help to identify them. But I feel disheartened because though I am so committed to self-inquiry, and I feel that I have a pretty good understanding of the guna teachings, nothing seems to help.
I know you will probably say there is no magic wand, these things take time, ignorance is hard-wired, and I must keep applying the teachings. But any suggestions would very helpful. Thank you!
Sundari: You are right, there is no magic shortcut to freedom from and for the jiva. If you understand and apply karma yoga, and you are guna-educated, there is nothing more to do but to keep applying the teachings, thought by thought, day by day. The important word in that last sentence is ‘apply’. There is a world of a difference in having an intellectual understanding of karma yoga and guna knowledge, and truly applying it – when it counts. Easy to talk about when you are not triggered. This is no easy feat because the mind is set up to revert to ignorance. That is the way Isvara has set things up.
Biologically, here is how the mental mechanism works:
Scientifically, when the mind is seismically triggered, it’s referred to as an ‘amygdala hijack’, and it is hardwired. The amygdala is a small but powerful part of the brain that stores your emotions, also called ‘the seat’ of the emotions. The normal function of the brain is that the thalamus (the central processing system) simply takes in sensory data. From there, the data gets sent first the frontal cortex (the center of logic and reason), and then it gets sent to the amygdala. Yes, it is true: we are programmed to think before feeling.
But, the ‘think first process’ is easily overridden, especially with deeply seated unconscious programs, or samskaras, in play. We are all programmed a certain way as jivas; first, by the karmic load we come in with, which is then reinforced by our life circumstances. The problem is the amygdala also stores most of our long-term memory, which of course, includes emotional trauma. So, when the amygdala receives data from the frontal cortex, it automatically compares our present experience with our past experiences, looking for patterns. This is how the vasanas work – they are repetitive ingrained programmed ways of thinking, biological as well as psychological.
It’s the amygdala’s job to search for patterns (read- vasanas). To do so, it tends to peek over the thalamus’s shoulder (so to speak) to see if it thinks something matches an old threatening pattern. If the amygdala registers threat, it believes you are in imminent danger. So, it will instinctively spring in to action to yank that data straight from the thalamus, bypassing the frontal cortex – logic and reason. And the result is the chaos of pure emotional rajas. ‘You’ have been hijacked!
The amygdala doesn’t let you think before you feel. The mind under the whip of rajas acts immediately to protect you from danger by trying to control the situation, instead of turning inwards to correct your thinking. Your response in that case will most often be wildly (and often absurdly) out of proportion to what is actually happening. Your emotions are off the scale thus dispassion is out the window. You have been kidnapped by a force you are seemingly powerless against – beginningless ignorance – in the form of ‘your’ binding vasanas/samskaras.
When this out-of-proportion reaction happens to you — and because you’re human, of course it will — there is a simple way to soothe this overly protective fear-based (rajasic/tamasic) part of your brain. Of course, karma yoga and guna knowledge are the only permanent solutions, but if you cannot access knowledge in the heat of the moment, all is not lost.
Even if it’s too late to stop your initial rajasic/tamasic fear response, just stop and pause. Take a few deep breaths, engage the abdomen. Notice what is going on in the body, identify the feeling by going for the guna. Sit with it without judgement. When you gain some objectivity on the guna and the attendant feelings of anger, fear, anxiety, attack, defensiveness, etc., notice the tamasic voices of diminishment, criticism or disappointment in the background. You then have an opportunity to apply some (small) self-compassion along with a nice big dose of Self-knowledge.
If you simply address the current source of your anger as part of your jiva story, which actually comes from the Unconscious or Causal body, you’ll be a lot better off just knowing and understanding why you’re feeling the way you are. You did not make the jiva the way it is. Automatic fear responses, while not conducive to peace of mind, are something we all have to do battle with until Self-knowledge diffuses all ignorance triggers. That does not mean you will never get angry or ‘lose it’. Being free means you are free to feel your feelings, positive and negative. The trick is not be identified with them. Eventually, the application of Self-knowledge allows you to reign them in before they disturb the mind or cause injury to yourself or others. And if it occasionally doesn’t, the feeling storm is over almost as soon as it starts, and peace of the Self reigns supreme, untouched.
Applying the teachings thought by thought is what counts. Including karma yoga which is paramount, there are three basic steps to this (though it sounds deceptively easy and isn’t):
1. The consistent application of a questioning attitude to everything the mind presents – in light of the gunas.
2. The consistent practice of discrimination between the Self and its many forms – dispassion, mind and sense control (sama and dama).
3. The consistent affirmation of one’s non-dual identity in light of the mind’s conviction that the Self is limited, inadequate and incomplete – taking a stand in Awareness as Awareness: I am never not the Self.
Even if you feel disheartened, remind yourself that overcoming burdensome emotions is part of the normal process of rewiring your brain. What is required for this to happen is that a permanent change must take place in the Causal body (Isvara), before the rewiring is complete in the jiva program. It is really hard, and does not happen easily. It’s like David going up against Goliath, but it can be done because Isvara and jiva share the same identity as Awareness.
Keep up the good fight!
Much love
Sundari
