Sundari: The main issue common with inquirers, is the belief that once you have understood the foundational teachings of Vedanta, you have gained knowledge, and moksa follows as a matter of course. Sadly, this is not the case, ignorance being as subtle and tenacious as it is.
Carl: Yes, somewhat subconsciously I did believe this. Not anymore. All my life I wanted nothing more but the truth, all else was secondary. From the jiva’s perspective, time-wise, jiva thought, for a while, that Isvara came late with it. But for me there is no time really; it is fine the way it seemed to have evolved, let’s say, and it isn’t over yet either. I always felt or saw a sense of timelessness, also before Isvara gave me James’ his book and explained what that is.
Sundari: I got this about you a long time ago. No doubt about your mumukshutva! It is quite natural that even dedicated and highly qualified inquirers like yourself need to work through this idea. The mind is entrained to think dualistically. Even a mind qualified for self-inquiry believes at least at the outset that it must gain something to find the truth. And that takes what it takes to fall away and to assimilate that there is nothing to gain, only ignorance to lose. When it does you are no longer a seeker but a finder.
Carl: Last Sunday I couldn’t make it on time. Perhaps I should have dropped in anyway, half an hour late. But I read the satsang and a few things really stood out; the (dis)respect/ loyal part and certainly the functionally depressed issue. I don’t know what to do about the depressing aspect specifically yet, in part because in my mind something stopped trusting that it can solve issues. After so many hurdles taken already there is no surprise of being tired of it; it made my mind indeed cynical, blurring a clearer, realistic view. Not all the time though, self-knowledge just works through it all and gives ease.
Sundari: Again, this is a natural process. Isvara does not make it easy for us. Life is always full of hurdles. Self-knowledge is not a magic wand for the mind and it will not remove or change our karma. Only how we relate to it – which will be without (as much) self-doubt, falling less and less into the pitfalls of the negativity bias and the trap of emotional reactive thinking. Everyone has to push these kinds of tamasic thoughts away. I know I do at times. They are just thoughts, they come from the Causal body and have nothing to do with me.
Remember that you can even have the thought ‘I am not the Self’ and still be ‘enlightened’ if you know you are the witness of that thought. So the mind goes through the dance of the gunas, that’s life. But you don’t go through it. You are the impassive impersonal witness of the whole crazy show. As I said in my talk a few Sundays back, don’t be too hard on yourself. Give yourself some wiggle room. The jiva is made a certain way, it has an inbuilt character that will not change that much. But Self-knowledge certainly gives you the tools to objectify it.
Carl: At any rate, I thought/ felt through this today and see it for what it is. It is strange to be free of most of it while the mind isn’t done yet – this shifting in between weight and lightness, so to speak.
Sundari: The remnants of ignorance will go when they go. The important part is that you are fully cognizant of them. So if you know they are there, even if the mind occasionally conditions to rajas and tamas, you are always free of it. You are not your mind. The mind, being a person, is so heavy. Though Ramji’s mind is fully seated in the Self, he often moans about how hard it is to have a body! Nobody enjoys tamas or rajas out of control, but they are just objects known to you.
While we are the ineffable unchangeable ever present lightness of Self, it is not always possible as the person to be dancing on rainbows. The body/mind does not disappear, and the gunas never stop changing. Sometimes the mind is bright and clear, other times agitated or dull. Just remain ever watchful of those patterns, and you will be fine. because you are the bliss that does not condition to anything.
If the mind gets stuck in a negative pattern, or gets emotional occasionally, you know the steps to get out of it. Throw the grappling hook of sattva into the turmoil of rajas and tamas, and Self-knowledge will take care of it very quickly, restoring the mind to peace. If it doesn’t, then you have a blockage. So find the thought (like or dislike) behind the emotion. It will lead you to the samskara hiding in the shadows.
When Self-knowledge is firm, as Ramji says in his new book (which we have decided will be the title) is: the world is too small to disturb the mind of a wise man. You are a wise man because you are the Self, and you know it. The world is very disturbed, that’s the nature of mithya. But though the jiva can get kicked around even with Self-knowledge, you are always the knower of the disturbed mind/world.
Carl: I would like to talk with you on zoom somewhere in the coming months about a few of these matters.
Sundari: Sure thing, I would love that.
Let me know when you would like to make an appointment
Much love to you too
Sundari
