Diana: I/jiva am taking the ES seriously and am committed to continued self-inquiry to be free of the jiva. I/jiva did not suspect that I had ES, let alone how severe a case it was. When it was diagnosed, I was completely shocked and felt disoriented. Though, if ES was present, I/jiva was already disoriented, as in oriented to identifying with the ego/intellect and not Me. Jiva scrambled to save face, to laugh it off in an ego self-deprecating way, which is still nothing more than ego acting out. The disorientation was not corrected when it last wrote to you and the I’s in the last responses were jiva’s.
I’m taking in what you have wrote to me with vigilance toward the usurping jiva ego/intellect. The reality is I AM ordinary Consciousness/Existence shining as Awareness and I Am not affected by what the jiva says, does, thinks, feels, gains or loses, etc., all of which appear in Me, but are not real. I see how I/jiva was mistakenly interchanging Self-realization with Self-actualization.
It was the jiva thinking it had to do something/had to achieve something/get approval. I meant by “in hand” that jiva may have had self-knowledge, and “failed to wield it properly” meant that the jiva, in spite of said knowledge, didn’t actually discriminate properly that I AM Self and not the jiva. I didn’t mean to imply that the jiva was wielding the knowledge as a Vedanta teacher or that the problem was anything other than that as an inquirer I misunderstood. It was a poor use of language. I see the enlightened ego identity and how that is not freedom.
I see how I/jiva have been hearing and understanding intellectually, and then really missing the point of what was being said because for lack of discrimination and dispassion the jiva’s excitement at intellectual endeavors stood. All the I’s of my responses were the jiva. I don’t think I even tried to speak as the Self. The shock of the ES diagnosis actually made the ego worse it seems. It has been observed going through all sorts of antics trying to save itself.
I see now how the jiva has been cozy in its intellectual sheath, which is not freedom. After all, I/jiva wonder if I actually do not have a self-assured jiva, but, rather, an insecure one who relies on the intellect and well-crafted language to hide behind. In either case, the jiva is an object known to Me, so it doesn’t matter what the jiva is like.
Honestly, I wasn’t ever thinking I was beyond nididhyasana or even close to the end of it, even with the ES I didn’t know I had, but I can see how it seemed that way. I probably did move to nididhyasana too fast. I see the mistakes I made, which you pointed out. I will continue with self-inquiry, going back to the beginning.
Sundari: Well done, I am happy for you, great reply. You are right, the jiva is the jiva, and whatever its hang-ups or shortcomings, so what? It’s not real and not you, and you did not make it that the way it is. It belongs to Isvara and has nothing to do with you. The only problem with that is when the ego co-opts the knowledge, as you are now well aware. This is quite normal and as I said before, most inquirers go through this stage, it’s pretty unavoidable, Maya being as persuasive and tenacious as it is. Once the ego is ‘caught in the act’ so to speak, it is not going to give up without a fight.
But there is ZERO tolerance for self-aggrandizement if moksa is to obtain, how could there be as reality is nondual? As soon as the ego takes the credit the doer is back and so is limitation and bondage. Once the mind is purified of duality, the ego still functions, but it is not a problem anymore. It has been neutered. Humility is then the minds’ natural response to everything in its environment (Isvara) because it no longer sees ‘specialness’ or ‘otherness’. This takes so much pressure off the jiva because there is no need to perfect it or make it conform to some silly ‘spiritual’ ideal. It is just known and loved for what it is: a reflection of the Self in a mirror, which is also the Self, but you are not it.
Some advanced inquirers try the Advaita shuffle by using the teachings to avoid cleaning up the jiva under the pretext that ”it’s not me, so who needs nididhysana?’ Not me! While this is true as the Self, it is not true for the jiva unless perfect satisfaction has obtained. If Self-knowledge does not translate into the life of the jiva, freedom is not that free. There are no degrees to freedom; you either are or you are not. If rajasic or tamasic thinking still takes up the real estate of the mind for longer than it takes to negate it with Self-knowledge, perfect satisfaction does not obtain. Any remaining impurities (samskaras) will block access to Self-knowledge when triggered, and you can be sure they will be, so suffering continues. As most actions are motivated by dissatisfaction, if a Self-realized person is dissatisfied it is because they continue to act according to their jiva program, ignorance/duality is still present, and discrimination temporarily lost.
There is no shortcut to moksa, it is about ruthless objectivity, from the jiva perspective. Moksa is for the jiva, after all. As the Self, you have always been free and perfect. As I said previously, Self-realization is not moksa unless you were qualified when you realized who you are. Your response to my provocative last email to you shows excellent dispassion and discrimination, a very auspicious sign that the qualifications are present as is the driving desire for freedom. If the fruit of Self-knowledge, perfect satisfaction is firm, the jiva, the world, and the doer’s role in it are noticeable mainly by their absence.
But if even though your primary svadharma is self-inquiry, and you know you are the Self, yet are not experiencing the radiant guilt-free happiness that Self-knowledge implies, then you are not following your nature properly and self-inquiry is incomplete. You are close, but still no cigar. Many advanced inquirers are stuck here. You may be level-headed, honest, and objective about your jiva self (as you are) and not hiding anything from yourself, but there can still be something is hidden fromyou.
The ‘hidden’ factor is what taking a stand in the Self as the Self actually means. It is common for inquirers to fail to see that though they know they are the Self, they are still ‘outside’ Self-knowledge. The Self is still objectified because they have not made the connection that though the jiva is just an idea, an object known to the Self, the eternal Jiva is the Self, Jivatman. This is a tricky one, and the most subtle part of the teachings because all along you are taught to negate the jiva. But, which jiva is negated? The conceptual jiva.
If you look at a photograph you don’t see the camera in it, yet the picture doesn’t exist without the camera. There simply cannot be a Jiva without the presence of the Self. This presence is completely ignored in most people’s narrative, yet it is the Self with a big ‘S’, that makes the narrative possible. Once moksa obtains, the Jiva that the narrative focuses on is not an actual person; that person is known to be an abstraction, a story. A mirage. It seems to exist but is as good as non-existent. The conceptual identity you previously took to be real is completely subsumed and has ‘become’ what it always was, the Self, Jivatman. They are one and the same; this is nondual vision. Nididhyasana is making sure that your life as a ‘small’ jiva is synchronized with your identity as the limitless ever-present Existence/Awareness, the eternal Jivatman.
So, the penultimate stage of enlightenment is taking a stand in Awareness AS Awareness, no fine print. How else is the Jiva going to reclaim its true limitless nature? The Jiva—the eternal individual—is non-separate from the Self; that is the non-dual teaching. Obviously, in the story, jiva can’t claim anything because it is just a conceptual person. But the sentient person, the eternal Jiva who is telling the story, can own up its true identity and gain the fruit – perfect satisfaction – if he/she does their svadharma i.e., applies Self-knowledge. What does this look like? You got it right.
It looks like dismissing the limited notion of yourself with the correct notion, which is, “I am not jiva; I am limitless unborn non-dual unconcerned actionless ever-present Awareness.’ In other words, including your Self, dharma with a big “D”, along with jiva and her story, which is just a bunch of thoughts. The Self thought should be the dominant thought. It is hard work and why we say that eternal vigilance is the price of freedom.
Even after moksa, the jiva will still have a particular way of relating to Isvara, which will be unique to its Isvara-given nature. But because there is no longer a doer, no projection survives but is instantly dissolved in Self-knowledge. Whatever unfolds for the jiva is immediately seen in the light of Self-knowledge, the default position of the mind. As the jiva is a product of the gunas and is always subject to Isvara, the jiva is never going to be perfect nor expected to be. Nothing is in mithya. The jiva improves by default when Self-knowledge obtains, but that is not the aim of self-inquiry. The aim is to remove ignorance and so end suffering.
As Awareness, you are free of the jiva so there is no longer any necessity to unpick anything about its conditioning. All is known and understood for what it is, just the play of the gunas. Any guna imbalance automatically Self-corrects. Life makes sense, and it is possible to experience perfect contentment and see beauty all the time, even when things are not pretty. In this way, we do not create any new karma but keep it like a little dog on a very short leash, right in front of us. Duality is never a problem for the Jivanmukta, it is understood and appreciated for what it is—enjoyed even. But as you are whole and complete, nothing is expected to deliver happiness.
A truly free person always stands out because they have genuine (not ego-based) self-confidence and peace of mind. But the scripture says that is very hard to tell an enlightened person from an unenlightened person because they do not necessarily behave differently, on the outside. The difference is all internal, not outwardly visible. A free person being unlimited is free to feel and do anything, or freedom would not be unlimited. There are no rules regarding the behavior of a free person; you are free to behave as the person Isvara made you be even though you are free of the person.
Discrimination not behavior is the mark of a free person. A free person does nothing for happiness but does everything happily and never breaks dharma, neither personal nor universal, always responding appropriately in any situation. Free people automatically follow dharma because they are dharma with a big ‘D’. Enlightened people also differ in the nature of their karma–their lives are simple, peaceful, unemotional, drama, and stress-free. Desire is still there but all desires are in line with dharma, i.e., known to be Isvara’s. No attachment to desire, no problem, no karma. Isvara takes care of everything and there are no bad results.
That is what freedom looks like. Until then, keep up the nididhysana. Remember that even though nididhysana is not complete, you are still inwardly free because you are always the Self. The steps to get ‘there’ are the qualities of ‘being there’.
Much love
Sundari
