Thank you for your response, which is so very helpful. I recognize what you wrote, that the hard part is to keep the glass door broken down. That’s so true!
Sundari: Yes, this is ‘the work’ of self-inquiry, and it is ongoing, until it is no longer necessary, when Self-knowledge removes the door and it cannot come back.
Otto: What I do notice is that dispassion increases now I see that everything I experience doesn’t mean anything about me at all / doesn’t define me.
Sundari: This is the process of transferring your identity to the Self. It is gradual for most people, which is probably just as well. If the whole edifice of the jiva identity crumbles very fast, it can have other repercussions. The mind is an extremely conservative instrument, and getting rid of all traces of duality is very subtle and difficult because the mind is programmed to see things through the lens of duality. Slowly, slowly, wins the race, as the tortoise found out.
Otto: Thoughts come and go and are known to me and I am always present and free of them. It’s not that uncomfortable thoughts don’t arise anymore. Thoughts of being not good enough and being ashamed – almost ashamed that I exist.., they still arise unexpectedly and still bind, but as strange as it sounds they seem to matter a little less.
Sundari: This is typical of the gradual process of transformation too. The thoughts you describe are part of universal ignorance, and all jivas suffer them. The difference is that you are now acutely aware of them, whereas before, you had probably not only identified with but also normalized them. Now you can consciously make the choice to identify with the witness, and not with the person experiencing those thoughts/emotions. The space between you and thoughts is growing thought by thought.
Otto: It’s because I know I am OKAY now.. whole and complete and that makes all the difference. The thoughts don’t know me, just as you said! and I stick with this knowledge. I had no idea that I have to make much more of an effort to constantly discriminate.. Without that I will never tackle ignorance.. I notice that I have to be very aware and will probably still miss lots and lots of thoughts that bind me, but thank you so much for showing me this helpful way.
Sundari: Yes, you have had the wake up call now – and the trick is to stick with it, one thought at a time, for as long as it takes. What price freedom? There is nothing that beats living free of the jiva program as the Self, without judging or censuring the jiva. It cannot be perfected, but as you live the teachings more and more, the jiva will improve as a side effect of Self-knowledge. It must because when you follow dharma impeccably and take a stand as the witness, the way you contact objects changes for good. You find more and more that you are just satisfied with who you are as a jiva and the way things are. There will come a time when you will no longer need to discriminate. Even that will go. Then you will just be the Self, and it will be natural to see things as they really are – non-separate from you, but not you.
Otto: Besides the practice of Karma Yoga I now tell myself (the jiva) every now and then that, since I am OKE therefore “he” is OKE as well and has always been okay. Absolutely okay with all his imperfections.. This really helps and I know this will probably take a long time to settle but I feel it’s worth trying.
If you have any suggestions or corrections let me know, otherwise I will just continue with this practice one thought at a time as you suggested so well.
Sundari: Just keep on the way you are going, trust that Self-knowledge will ‘so the work’ of removing ignorance, bit by bit, because it will. There is no purifier for the mind like it. Great work, Theo. You are doing self-inquiry right, good for you. Feel free to write any time, it is a pleasure to hear from you.
Much love,
Sundari
