I am writing to you to share that I found myself apparently still stuck in ignorance, or maybe others would say stuck in sattva, which sounds a bit fancier but is still ignorance.
This ID with the story of the blessed person and the rarity to come across Vedanta and having a proper teacher in life by the grace of God.
The grace of God apparently still showered on something, the person or blessed person. See the duality! God, if I could feel ashamed, I would… ha ha. Or if I was truly a Catholic, I would confess my sins now.
This whole narrative falls totally flat against ‘my’ favourite Upanishad the Mandukya, so the more reason to tuck the tail between the legs.
Also this rarity narrative like in verse 7.3 of the Bhagavad Gita: “Among thousands of people, a rare person makes effort for moksa. Even among those seekers making an effort, (only) a rare person comes to know Me in reality.”
Feeling blessed, and the story concerning rarity is all good and well and gives a humble heart full of gratitude, but this story also needs to go, in the sense that the ego had apparently built a new identity on it. It is not the kiss of death of course, as this is just what the ego is good at, building new identities, but still it doesn’t serve me. (Not that I need serving)
So thank you very much for keeping throwing these pearls at this pig of ignorance! It works, as you know.
By the way, this desire to share knowledge/love is still there. It is a natural thing I would say, some say desire is a privilege, but it has nothing to do with me. Nothing to gain, nothing to lose, life is a time pass. What a joke!
Sundari: This is such a beautiful satsang, it really hits the nail on the head regarding how subtle nonduality really is, and how persuasive and insidious duality is. Even though, or especially because, they are not in opposition to each other! It would be so much easier if you could unequivocally separate duality and non-duality – but there is no way to do that because they are not in the same order of reality. They never meet and are not in opposition to each other. Only Self-knowledge dissolves the apparent split.
As you say, there is no shortage of seemingly attractive identities on offer from Isvara’s dream, and sattva is the one of the most seductive for the ego. How it loves the idea of perfecting itself, of being special, virtuous and dharmic. And why would it not, seeing as the essence of life is auspiciousness, that which is always good. Meaning, the Self. Yet, as you point out, being stuck in sattva is as much ignorance as being stuck in rajas or tamas. In as much as there is a world for the jiva to work out its karma, the dream world would not be possible without adharma too. Isvara can only be Isvara with the full spectrum of possibilities playing out in the field of existence.
For ignorance to go everything has to go; the blessed ‘good’ person especially must be obliterated, and with it, the ‘bad’ person too. And so, God and the teachings must go. Shocking. The final renunciation. The renouncer must be renounced, even though if that is what truly transpires, there is no-one and nothing left to obliterate or renounce. That is such a huge ‘shift’ from the jiva perspective. There are no words that truly describe that because all words are mithya. At this point, assimilation either takes place or not. Often it does not. The jiva survives moksa, Self-realization, and inquirers either fall into the void, or remain stuck with their limited jiva identity, albeit a more subtle one. Enlightened as an ego, not as the Self.
It is true that few find their way beyond this, mainly because the major canyon to traverse before all is renounced, even the renouncer, is total surrender and devotion to Isvara or God. Which sounds so contradictory and dualistic, and it is! Yet, there is no fine print to that. If the jiva is not real there is no free will and no real freedom for it, only from it. The jiva identity cannot be changed or perfected; it can only be understood to be a part of the mithya dream, which is all Isvara. But Isvara is not the dream. Isvara is you, the Self, satya. You are free of Isvara associated with Maya, free of the jiva and of the dream. Then mithya ‘becomes’ satya because it always was in a nondual reality.
This is so confusing that it is where most inquirers get stuck. The both/and of it all. The deep desire for duality to somehow produce non-duality, as though it ever could. The desire to redeem and polish the jiva, and give it a world that makes sense, governed by a just and fair God, the upholder of dharma and destroyer of adharma. But that world and that God does not exist. Life is zero-sum. If you want permanent freedom from the jiva, you must accept all of God or none. Only in that way can the dream be known for what it is: only apparently real. There is only you, the Self. You are unaffected by dharma and adharma.
For Self-knowledge to assimilate God knowledge and God devotion is non-negotiable. Even so, it takes great confidence to shed the jiva identity entirely, without the need to perfect, deny or protect it. To embrace being ordinary. The jiva is fine the way it is, and it is fine the way it is not. Freedom from the jiva means accepting what cannot be changed about it without making excuses for bad behaviour or binding tendencies. It means to uphold dharma because you are dharma as the Self, and you are surrendered to Isvara not the fearful jiva. And very importantly, it means to be impervious to criticism and praise equally.
Perhaps the toughest one is to be impervious to criticism. I had an experience recently where I felt I was unfairly attacked and insulted, which hurt my feelings. Instead of being indifferent, I was defensive. Isvara revealed to me the vestige of a fear-based person who still had an attachment to the idea of the jiva being a good and righteous person who was (apparently) being unfairly treated. It is a pretty ingrained human tendency for most, and one that is hard to dismiss. But it must go. When you know you are the Self and not the jiva there is no-one to defend.
We are never not the perfect, whole and complete limitless, ordinary, non-dual Self. And when that knowledge is firm and the jiva/Isvara identity is known, both in what is the same and what is different, then and only then, you cannot make a mistake or be a mistake. Discrimination is automatic and every response to what life presents is the right response.
Much love
Sundari
