Dear Sundari
Frank: I am sorry for not replying earlier – the musaka mouse had his own ideas of where to go and it was a bit of a rodeo with work. I knew this was going on and it needed (somewhat) to be done but a little exhausting. Like climbing a hill in the smog of England in the 1950’s my mother said there was this weird thing where you can hardly see anything then suddenly your head is above the fog and in the clear but your body can still be in the fog around your body, then your knees and finally in the clear and you can orient where home is.
Sundari: I know the feeling! It has been a bit like that for me lately too. Coming to Bali is always wonderful as I have such an amazing family and grandkids, but it is a big adjustment in terms of lifestyle. Ours is so isolated, quiet and sattvic in the Andalucian mountains, it takes me a while to get my own rhythm going. Theirs is the typically busy life of parents with two kids. They are hands on parents of the rarest and best kind, I am in awe of how intelligently they relate to their kids. The result is that they are truly amazing, both of them. The whole family is leaving Bali next week for Rome and then the USA to compete in world Jiu jitsu competitions as my granddaughter is world champ in her weight division. So I will be here on my own for three weeks before the seminar starts at the end of the month. Lots of time to work!
Frank: Thanks to your and James brilliant precise teaching and the scriptures which I have grown to love, this love came much much later, it’s like a tether or line in the intellect which as long as I can touch the line in the morning and during the day in the valley I know the truth even when I don’t “feel it” or “see it”. So now it’s Saturday, the weeks are over, the duties have ended – thank you for this re-work with such care – I have read it but realise it needs more time on the hill. I know it’s going to be awesome, I know.
Sundari: I liken Self-knowledge to the ‘shot line’ deep sea divers hold onto so as not to get lost or swept away. it is a necessary part of self-inquiry to have this protection and guidance, which only comes with dedicated application of the teachings to your life. When Self-knowledge is permanent and impervious to Maya, you no longer need that line. There is no way you can ever not be ‘home’ as the Self, or get lost or swept away by the whirlpool of Maya. It has no power to condition the mind anymore. That confidence to let go and just be the Self will come.
Frank: There’s a behaviour from a good friend I have known for 40 years – decades ago we were both in a binding “cult” when we were young and escaped – it wasn’t like any of the really abusive ones just esoteric stuff and wearing tunics like in Star Trek – but going a long distracted way for nothing. We were curious and fed up with the normal world and for sure looking for something else – a decade later we crossed back into the normal world “unchanged” – all the ridiculous effort and practices we had done, all the faith in the guru leader..nada.
Sundari: It seems to be par for the course for many inquirers to pass through this passage. It is part of what Vedanta calls a ‘leading error. It’s not really an error because it was all part of the process of maturation. The point is that in your deep sea explorations looking for truth, you did find it.
Frank: Ok what else would we have been doing? it’s all good in the end, we might have been in something worse or just done a normal ten years of job, sleep, party and perhaps the only thing going for the cult was at least gave us a breather which was so crazy we could not really go back to the normal world either and ended up in a no man’s land which may in retrospect have been Ishwara’s grace and this may also happen to a lot of seekers – this is knowledge in a way, that neither the standard fare nor the esoteric fare is “it”.
Sundari: For sure. I think it is grace to be born not marching to everyone else’s drum – God knows, the world tries hard enough to get everyone to conform. Though it is never easy. I don’t think there can be a single person who qualifies for self-inquiry that was not an outsider, who didn’t fit in or was just wired differently with an overwhelming need to know. In the spiritual supermarket of ignorance where the fare is cheap, plentiful and easy – you find a very weak version of this. Sadly most ‘spiritual’ types are really just materialists looking for validation, to fit in or worse, to be ‘special’. No can do, with Vedanta. ‘Fitting in’ and being ‘special’ are not part of the deal, which is why it is not very appealing.
Frank: My friend went onto a really dedicated Buddhist practice and when we meet now occasionally there is not much I can say. It’s like he needs to convince me of Buddhism – I don’t say much about Vedanta because any time I do he is visibly irritated and, being one of my best friends, I can’t say anything but just be a friend. I notice on the one hand “enlightenment” for him means an arduous path – he seems to think that only decades of practice with definite pegged levels lead to something and yet there is little change in his life – he can still get really irritated by simple things – there’s no karma yoga. It’s a dilemma of “ok there is nothing I can do – grace happens” (which makes the Jiva sad, feeling out of control, nothing to do so “I’m” screwed). One thing Buddhism has is tons of practice with levels enough for any corporation company pyramid and ignorance seems defined as the delusion of anyone, woe betide them suddenly thinking they are level 6a Jana not 3c – but on the other hand, he is working diligently and not in the basic hum drum of going nowhere which he *does* know from the past but now, to who knows where?
Sundari: Buddhism is perhaps one of the more respectable ‘spiritual’ paths, but it is a religion for doers, nonetheless. I have encountered the resistance you speak of with Buddhists as has Ramji, many times. Equally, we come across many a disenchanted ex Buddhists who finally realized they were getting nowhere. As Krishna says – ‘do not disturb the mind’s of the ignorant’! Your attitude is the only one to have – just love your friend. He is the Self, and if he is still convinced he must ‘do’ his way to ‘perfection’ to even approach the ‘special’ status of ‘enlightenment’, there is nothing you can do about it. He is no less the Self.
Frank: The dilemma of “do it or don’t” is solved like an equation in the beautiful moment(s) which James talks about when he was 25, feeling in the darkest of not right times, seeing and recognising the reflected Self comparison in the mirror, creating the burning desire to be free. This means we are free already (that *is* the most irritating thing to a Buddhist doctrine)
Sundari: Of course. Who wants to face the fact that all the searching and hard work involved to be special means nothing because there is no such thing? You can’t fit in because you are the fit. you can’t be special because you are the sought. And so is everyone else. Who wants to be ‘ordinary, ever -present, unchanging Consciousness, along with everyone else?!!
Frank And worse, this can be “instant” and powerful or, in many reminding minor moments, reflected in the mind and understood in the intellect (I have tried to assimilate this from your Sunday teaching but I may still have it wrong let me know!)
Sundari: We all know we are the Self/Consciousness. But most believe that the self in the mirror is THE Self, that the mind ‘causes’ it. With access to at least some Self-knowledge, there is no ability to discriminate or ask the simple question: if that is so, how do I know the reflection? I cannot be who I know, so who is it that knows? The subject and the object can never become the same thing. One of them has to dissolve – and it can only ever be the object that dissolves because there can be no object without a subject. The subject, Consciousness, is always prior to the object. It is the only ‘factor’ that is always present and can never be negated. Whereas all objects can be negated. Quantum physics confirms this.
Frank: It does not mean “I” am enlightened – it just means “I” as the Jiva (please feel free to correct as always) knows something new and everything I thought was real and important, might not be. Like the reverse of the awful torture moment with John Hurt and Richard Burton in 1984 where he says “how many fingers do you see Winston?” and he does not know if it’s three or four or five anymore.
Sundari: Yes, good analogy. For a human mind to wrap itself around the total insubstantiality and unreality of the material or known world is truly terrifying. Yet, it is known and incontrovertible scientific knowledge that nothing is as it seems. The fact that everything is made of atoms – yet these atoms never, cannot, touch each other EVER, not even the component inside an atom ever touch, means that the very fabric of what is taken to be real and insubstantial is not. We think we touch and holds ‘things’ people etc., but it’s actually impossible. Everything in the field is just that – a field of intelligence. A trick of light, an illusion. Without knowledge of the indestructible observer, Self/Consciousness, this is a nihilistic thought. No wonder people prefer religions and all sorts of New Age ideas to that. It’s a lot more comforting.
Frank: The mind is no longer sure now but in a very positive way that the wheel of Samsara is real – my job, my story, my spiritual path – all this will keep going on indefinitely – my spiritual path is just a thought as much as a chair over there – one is no more special from the other. At which point the Broadway New York production of “My Spiritual Path” screams “oh you are wrong!” and 20 people pirouette across the stage and I leave with my popcorn in hand.
Sundari: You have a flair for the dramatic! Just note – the wheel of samsara is a ‘thing’ but it’s not a real thing. It can only grab and suck the mind into it when it is under the spell of Maya. ‘Your’ story will go on indefinitely as there is only one story in mithya, and with some personal variations, everyone is living the same story, more or less. It’s called beginningless ignorance. You are lucky that you are well aware of that personal narrative and are objective about it. But most importantly, you know that the story is stitched together by the one and only factor that is not ‘in’ the story but knows it, that which is truly continuous and unchanging – The nondual Self. And you are THAT.
Frank: In a corporate job it’s similar – there’s only 3 possible reactions from the bosses with suits to a thing anyone does: “that’s great!” which some men especially will work 20 years for this pat on the head. Then there’s “that’s bad!” which may mean even colleagues will suddenly distance themselves like kids in a playground which can be pretty tough until it just doesn’t matter anymore. But the third is both the best and worst depending on perspective: you get in the glass elevator and a board member walks in. You’ve seen them many times, perhaps even presented some big thing in the past and they look at you and say “Er, who are you again?”. This for the Jiva is far worse than “that’s bad!” – it’s like not even getting any attention or recognition – indifference laced with derision is worse than “that’s bad!” (but at least Daddy gave me attention…)
Sundari: Ah, yes. That’s as bad as being ‘cancelled’! Ouch. Major trauma for the poor ego! Off to therapy immediately…
Frank: But this indifference is perfect – to slowly disappear is how it really is anyway, from the Self’s view point – it is beautifully indifferent but with love – this is not negative like the board member or distorted like in 1984 – but perhaps as the Jiva mistakes this kind of attention for reality outwardly as something to be desired (rather than reality itself being non-dual and reflected) is maybe why so many people crave it.
Sundari: All jivas who are identified as such crave validation because they believe that they are incomplete and flawed. They are looking for the Self, but don’t know it, so will chase whatever shiny object they think might give it to them, no matter what it is – relationship, money, power, prestige, recognition, whatever. There is a kind of satisfaction to be had in achieving goals and living a good life, but it pales in comparison to SELF-validation. The kind that can never be lost, increased or decreased.
Frank: And maybe, Jivas just have to extract the knowledge from all permutations thousands, perhaps millions of times until there is with grace and the scriptures and teaching recognition where in moments we reflect at another crossroads with another Yellow Brick Road ahead promising something so different but oh, it does look the same with just different clothes on – deep red robe or suit. The heresy!
Sundari: Yep! That’s just the way the mithya game is set up.
Frank: Daily, regularly with the teachings in the intellect reflecting into the mind, like a wise Heron bird looking at fish in the water and correcting for refraction (the fish looks to be where it is not with no effort by the fish itself, it’s just the bending of light in the water like mistaking the rope for a snake) – this desire for knowledge I have had I need to remember (I know that sounds odd) when I am in the fog. I know the fog is not real even when “I” am in it.
Sundari: Yes. It’s like tending to a beautiful garden when we keep a pure mind. And though the sun does not always seem to shine on our garden when clouds appear (the gunas and their permutations), we know that the sun is always there, and it is who we are.
Frank: Symbols and statues, prayers – are no longer like some trinket shop in my living room to show visitors how spiritual I am – they become reminders, lights of the light, little lighthouses on the hill. We can see them from the valley and there is no distance between there and here – this is what I cannot tell him, at least now. Even touching the idea seems to threaten to throw all his effort and the sad thing is, it seems to me like the Samsara of when we were in the esoteric cub scouts wearing silly outfits and ringing bells all over again but it is not for me to disturb it – I have no idea what Iswara has in mind.
Sundari: It is never possible to do the dharma of another. Maya is the best teacher, leave it to Isvara. When the time is right for your friend, Isvara will make sure the right trigger comes along. For now you can only shine your light, live and demonstrate the confidence of the Self you are, and he is, too.
Much love
Sundari
