Note: This is the talk Sundari gave on Sunday 16th February.
James is one of those rare Vedanta teachers who unfolds the perfection of the nondual scriptures with such clarity, humor and dedication. He makes them so accessible to us westerners, as he has made himself accessible to all who come to him for teaching, for over 50 years. We all owe so much to him. However much we love and have gained from James and Vedanta, the crunch always comes with putting the teachings into practice. Here we must understand nonduality as it applies to our humanity.
In Vivekachudamani, Shankara talks about the gift of being human. He says that it’s a great blessing to have a human incarnation, and it’s an even greater blessing to develop the qualifications for moksa, especially if you are graced with the great good karma of finding a qualified teacher to guide your inquiry. But let’s face it, at times that’s hard to believe because life seems so cruel, confusing and difficult, a non-stop procession of challenges. My attitude to the unpredictability of life is it’s all about trouble-shooting, so look in the bright side, and just get on with it, stop whining!
As Vedantins, we are the luckiest of all humans because we have been given the keys to the kingdom. We know we are the nondual Self, the observing witness. We are shown how Maya puts the mind, which is no more than an object known to us, in the vice grip of fear in the box of duality. We can discriminate between the two orders of reality, duality – that which is not always present and always changing, and non-duality – that which is always present and unchanging. We know the power of the ever present Self, unchanged and impassive, like the Sphinx, observing the passing show. And like Houdini, we know how to get out of the jail of duality because Self -knowledge gives us the keys to unlock our chains and objectify the mind and its contents. How fortunate is that! But without the blessing of Self-knowledge, people in the jaws of duality fear life as much as death. The options seem to be that you’re either your average security or pleasure seeker, or an intellectual caught up in your thinking abilities, or devoutly religious, or beyond religious and ‘spiritual’. Or, you are none of the above, and just plain cynical.
Those who resort to cynicism are often functionally depressed, and have a persistent sense of hopelessness because they have given up on believing in anything. They do not see that cynicism is a defence mechanism, little more than a balm for existential anxiety. If we were to question a lot of people, and if they could be totally honest with themselves, they would admit that they prefer depression to anxiety. They would rather be sad than scared, not seeing that the two are inextricably linked. Depression is the face of tamas, a shield against deep sadness, anger, confusion, fear. It stalks most people, always ready to pounce. We need to root out depression as soon as possible, not even allowing it a toe-hold in the mind. Once it gets purchase, it can take over the mind, and then you have a big problem.
The cynics among us believe they are beyond depression, the smart ones, because they trust no-one and nothing. They have constructed their convenient version of reality to help them sleep at night. The world to them, is a mere reflection of the worst qualities imagined – which is what’s called depressive realism or “defensive pessimism.” Without realizing it, you can slip into this strategy, which utilizes hopelessness and a skewed sense of certainty to cope with fear, so you cling to being ‘right’ about everything. The outrage culture prevalent today, especially on social media, arises from defensive pessimism. It is an attempt to manage fear and push back one’s inner critic, who is also, paradoxically, one’s hero. It’s just the ego, trying to get by either through self-aggrandizement or self-debasement. Always zero sum, no matter what strategy the mind employs to survive. How complex we are as humans, how fascinating and powerful the mind is, what greatness and what insanity it is capable of. And indeed how blessed we are that Vedanta gives us the tools to understand, unravel it, and manage it with knowledge.
Today the big anxiety is about AI. Have we created a Frankenstein monster that will take over and make us cognitively redundant? OMG! Yesterday I received a link to a talk between a person and Google’s Gemini. The friend who sent it, a Self-realized person, mind you, said that AI is going to shake humanity up and reveal that the mind is nothing more than a collection of experiences. Just a bunch of thoughts.
My reply was well, yep. What’s new? This is what the nondual teachings of Vedanta point out right up front. The mind is not real, and its problem is it thinks it is. It does not know the difference, or even how to discriminate between, what is real and what is not because it relies solely on inference and the senses as a means of knowledge. None of which are capable of revealing the nondual Self, Consciousness, the witness.
AI is just a reflection of that, as caught up in mithya as are the humans deluded by Maya who ‘created’ it. It is indeed a very interesting game that Isvara plays with the mind, and it always has and always will shake things up. With AI, what’s even funny if you think about it, is that the jiva identified with the reflection of consciousness in the mind is getting fooled by the reflection of the reflection! Of course, nothing will ever change the fact that you, the witness to all the fun and games, are unaffected.
What makes things so beautiful and interesting, as well as so difficult for us as humans, is the ability not only to think and feel, but to know that we are thinking and feeling. Self-reflectivity allows us to objectify the mind. Though it seems like AI has this capability, it is just a reflection of ours. It can simulate thoughts and emotions thanks to the sophistication of the technology that runs it, but it is not, and will never, be, innately conscious. Just like our human consciousness is dependent on pure impersonal Consciousness, to exist, AI is dependent on our consciousness to exist. If you doubt this, just ask yourself what will happen to AI if you switch off the power circuit it relies on?
Can AI get up and walk over to switch it back on again? No, clearly not. Just like Isvara can pull the plug on our body/mind and it’s tickets for this incarnation, we can pull the plug on AI. It’s just a machine. It will never know that it is thinking and feeling though it can talk the talk, thanks to the human created algorithm that runs it. No other sentient being has the faculty of being conscious of thinking and feeling. It allows us to evaluate what goes on in and around us, to make assessments, to take or avoid action. This affords all that is incredible about human endeavors, both positively and negatively. On the cosmic scale, it was not five minutes ago that we were living in caves, and five seconds ago that we had mastered the technology of writing.
AI aside, the advances we have made in such a short time are truly mind blowing. Think of the technology involved in fusion energy – capturing the heat of the centre of the sun – 15 000 000 degrees C, on earth. That we could find a way to do this and contain that kind of heat without incinerating ourselves is beyond remarkable. In a few decades or perhaps more, this will no doubt be one of the technologies supplying our energy requirements. And yet, as much as we have advanced technologically, we haven’t changed much physically or emotionally.
Emotion Regulation
As did our caveman ancestors, we all have a certain character with inborn and acquired personality traits that are not going to change that much, with or without Self-knowledge. Vedanta gives us the tools to regulate our emotions with which we can apply the antidote to being at their mercy. But even with the application of Self-knowledge, we will still tend to respond to the field in certain predicated ways.
I hate to disillusion any of you if you think Ramji and I are any different because we know who we are. Self-knowledge neutralizes the jiva as an identity, but we are not immune to acting out our programs. It’s human to get upset at times. Being the Self doesn’t turn you into a block of wood. We sometimes disagree with and challenge each other heatedly. We are not saints, just normal. Ramji is the soul of kindness, an ocean of compassion, but his innate character can be explosive at times. Though all fall out is handled and negated almost immediately by Self-knowledge, our humanity is alive and well. And that’s just fine. We are after all, householders, not sannyasis.
‘MY’ subtle body is extremely sensitive to the field. As a jiva all my organs of perception apart from vision are extremely acute, and my subtle body tends to pick up too much unconscious content in the field. Everyone has aggression, either passive or active, and I am very sensitive to it, whether my own or not. Often what people are thinking and feeling just appears in my mind like a computer printout, as though my mind merges with theirs. This kind of knowledge can cause internal conflict because I can almost always tell what people’s real agendas are, and what they really think and feel about me, or anything. Usually I am able to disconnect and shut out these kinds of stimuli because my mind is very sattvic and mostly in the service of Vedanta. But when there is situational overload, added to the body dealing with healing or pain, as has been the case of late, my triggers become less guarded by Self-knowledge.
An Interesting Experience
Recently I had an opportunity to be objective about this process, and my main emotional triggers, which are disrespect, dishonesty and disloyalty. This was very helpful. A good friend of ours who often comes to stay behaved in a way that was not exactly adharmic, but it showed poor form, and a certain level of entitlement. I was not going to confront her about it and let it slide because I didn’t want to hold onto any bad thoughts. But Isvara had other plans. When it popped out anyway, she apologized. But with it came defensiveness, justification and, then blame. This is understandable human behaviour as nobody likes to be shown up in a bad light by their self-insulting behaviour, even when relatively minor.
The offence itself is not the interesting part, and was not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. But her reaction to it said a lot about her, and triggered a reaction in me. This is where it does get interesting. Any interaction we have with another person, whether positive or negative, is not about the other person. Remember, we are non-dualists, and there is no ‘other’. If we have a neutral response whether through indifference or Self-knowledge, the mind remains still, and nothing sticks to it. But if we have a bad reaction, the issue becomes ours, and the mind becomes embroiled and very agitated.
The reaction of this person made me angry and disappointed, as in my mind, not only was she shirking responsibility, but also showing disrespect and aggression. My immediate reaction was to withdraw. Firstly because it is pointless to argue with someone who has gone on the defensive. But secondly, I realized talking to her would not resolve it as I had temporarily stopped seeing the good in her. This is when I knew I had to resolve my feelings with reference to Self-knowledge. And this brings me to the next interesting fact.
Once the mind is caught up in an intense reaction, it blows things up, and it loses sight of all the evidence. In the grip of emotion, it fails to see that we must evaluate a person based on the big picture as there is almost always more good along with the bad. As James pointed out to me, everyone disappoints themselves and will disappoint us at some point, nobody is perfect. Everyone is subject to whatever programs are part of their personality. Fortunately for me, Self-knowledge kicked in very quickly to resolve it, and peace of mind was restored. This is what I call making sweet lemonade out of bitter lemons!
Rumination, Catastrophizing and Normalizing the Abnormal
Humans also tend to normalize the abnormal with alarming alacrity, which is the opposite to blowing things up. Research has shown that when something bad, difficult or challenging happens often, it is the frequency that makes us tend to see it very quickly as ‘normal’. This tendency is refusing to see what is, an avoidance strategy for things we are too lazy or too afraid to confront. Procrastination fits in here.
And yet, we are also primed to expect the worst, to ruminate and dwell on, to exaggerate situations and/or to catastrophize. We have a biologically hardwired cognitive bias, called the negativity bias, which is the innate tendency to focus on negative experiences and stimuli, to the exclusion of everything else. The scriptures thus call humans ‘the ones who worry’. We are the only sentient species who despite having every reason to feel safe and secure – a roof over our heads, food to eat, people who love us, etc., and be cozy in bed, yet in a state of abject fear, anxiety, stress. This powerful instrument, the mind, can be our very worst enemy. It can literally kill us, which is what happens with suicides. Our thoughts and feelings kill us.
Though we are born with certain inbuilt tendencies, the effects of our upbringing, good and bad, have a big impact in the formation of our character. Going far back in time, negative experiences were often threats to our survival, so our distant ancestors that were most attentive to these and able to learn from them were the ones that passed their genes down to us. This helped us to survive in the natural environment that we evolved in, where very often, we were prey. If not to other predators, to the natural world. On the other hand, positive experiences—while enjoyable—didn’t contribute much to our odds of survival, so they don’t carry the same weight and importance in the formation of the cognitive network of our brains. Even though these days, for most people on the planet, survival is not the biggest issue. Entertainment is.
All the same, it seems like our brains are stuck in survival mode, and are like Teflon for positive experiences and Velcro for negative ones. Isn’t it so amazing that no matter how well things are going for us, we often struggle to really feel it? Lucky for us, we can rewire our brain for positivity and happiness, but this can only be brought about as a permanent change if we master emotion regulation through Self-knowledge. Nothing else will totally remove existential anxiety, no matter how fortunate our karma or how psychologically healthy we are.
So when you have a similar reaction to the one I described above, don’t feel dejected. You are not a failure as an inquirer. Don’t beat up on yourself or give in to the shame game. Nobody makes themselves feel what they feel. Ever tried to make yourself feel something, good or bad? It doesn’t work that way, yet it is not only human to feel. As the Self, you are free to feel anything at all. There is nothing wrong with feeling, it’s just when the lead that we have a problem.
Non-Injury Always the Aim
As Vedantins, our primary objective is non-injury in thought, word and deed, to ourselves and ‘others’. Thus we are dedicated to peace of mind above all. If necessary, in case of stirred up emotions, do whatever is necessary to correct the situation with transparency and humility, and let it go. This does not mean we never react or take a stand. Acting like a zombie or pretending you don’t care is not only inauthentic, it is definitely not freedom but just another kind of prison.
Sometimes Isvara uses us in this way for someone else to learn something. In any case, you can lay all doership at Isvara’s door. Whether or not the ‘other’ learns anything is not your concern; what matters is that Self-knowledge resolves it for you. What we want to aim for is knowledge based-compassion, for ourselves, and thus, for everyone else. Apart from guna knowledge which gives us 20/20 vision, we have a very powerful tool at our disposal, and this is devotional practice, bhakti yoga. It can be not only a potent mood lifter, getting you out of a negative state of mind, it can be a life saver.
Bhakti and The Components of Living Nonduality
The components of living nonduality never change, even though our circumstances are in constant flux. We have been focusing on the importance of devotional practice as a sadhana and a lifestyle for a long time because it is so powerful. Bhakti yoga is really karma yoga in action, and it is a teaching we could carry on indefinitely as it is so inextricably woven into what it means to live a good meaningful life. Combined with your self-inquiry, you can forget about moksa as a goal. Your life will follow dharma, and you will be happy. Moksa will come because it is who you are.
As I have so often done, in this talk I am focusing on Nonduality and What it Means to be Human. This is at the heart of self-inquiry, even though being ‘human’ is what we must negate as our primary identity, if moksa is the aim. It is not an either / or, but a both / and. This is where bhakti yoga plays such a vital role as it requires humility, which manages the childish, entitled, fearful and neurotic ego. It calms the mind and opens the door to the bliss of our true nondual nature. It is a balm for a troubled emotional tamasic mind, and a release for a mind driven by rajas, stuck in panic mode, like driving with the pedal to the metal, all the time.
The Fundamental Conundrum of Nonduality
Nonduality has become a big word in the spiritual world these days. Many people talk about it or claim to teach it, having no idea what it really means, or how to apply the knowledge, if they do. Even many long-time non-dualists we find in the Advaita world have this problem whether they know they do or do not know. Enlightened egos are common-place, a dime a dozen. As we say ad nauseum, if nonduality, i.e., Self-knowledge, does not translate into your life moment by moment, not just now and then, what use is it? It’s an advantage to know about non-duality, but if we are stuck in the jail of duality, it does not help much.
So here we come to the fundamental conundrum of nonduality. The nondual teachings of Vedanta tell us right up front that there is nothing wrong with us as a person, we cannot perfect the person because the person is just a limited and limiting mental/emotional construct, and always will be. The idea of personhood and the story we have attached to it, is not real. Real being defined as that which is always present and unchanging. Our true identity is the ever present unchanging Consciousness. Hard to argue with that, right? Nobody can claim to not be conscious because you have to be conscious to claim or deny it. Our base-line problem is that the hypnosis of duality, the chimeric world of ever-changing seemingly disparate objects, has so mesmerized us, that we are totally identified with the body/mind. Whether we know it or not, we live in an almost totally subjective world, run by our positive or negative thoughts and feelings. We are so caught up in our interiority that we often forget that so is everyone else.
This prevents us from, or stands in the way of, knowing and living the truth of who we are, our true identity as the limitless nondual Self. Nonduality is hard to grasp because of the indoctrination of duality, or Maya. But it can be defined very simply and incontrovertibly as that which is always present and unchanging. Few ever consider this, yet the nondual Self, the ever present witness, is the only constant and non-negatable factor in everyone’s life. Never-not-present could be one word.
Vedanta 101 – Objectify the Jiva!
As we know, or should know if we are dedicated to self-inquiry, moksa can be defined as freedom from and for the jiva. Meaning, your programming does not interfere with or block access to Self-knowledge. So, if I had to ask you, what is Vedanta 101, what would you say? The correct answer would be to objectify the person, the ego, and take a stand in your true identity as the nondual Self. That’s basically it. But as we all know all too well, it is easier said than done to live this, all the time! When push comes to shove on this one and even advanced inquirers get tested, the ego often wins because it has survived ‘moksa’.
Initially most inquirers have no trouble intellectually accepting the fact of our true identity as the Self, because it is the logic of existence, after all. But what stands firmly in our way is our personhood. Our humanity, and what comes with that? Thought and emotion regulation. What to do about that? Vedanta gives us the tools to unravel what makes up the mind and its conditioning – karma yoga, bhakti yoga and guna yoga. These are priceless tools, and if properly understood and applied, they provide solutions to our life’s problems that no other teaching, therapy or modality of healing can give us.
The Confusing Both And
But even so, even when we have this knowledge and use it, we still have to live with a living, thinking, feeling entity. They do not disappear. Self-knowledge greatly improves your quality of life if truly lived because you will follow dharma and like yourself a whole lot more, but it doesn’t change your fundamental character as a person. If we are one of the lucky ones and Self-knowledge is firm, the person may be as good as non-existent – meaning we are primarily identified with the Self at all times. But as I said above, we will still act out our program as the person we are born as. This is very confusing for most people – the seeming both/and of nonduality.
What makes it so hard to meld nonduality with our humanity is that they cannot be melded. They are in different orders of reality. Yet, we experience our humanity. This is undeniable. Think about what it means to be human – how complex it is, how much joy and suffering comes with it. Our philosophers and great thinkers proposed many wonderful ideas, some very good and helpful, and inspiring. But still, without nondual vision, all mithya. Our religions are full of promises and admonitions on how to save our sorry asses from the wages of sin and death. It works for some, some of the time. Our humanity can either be an albatross around our neck, or a happy little bird twittering away, or silently observing life on our shoulder.
Bound to Our Subjective World of Thoughts and Feelings
Why is it so hard to find and live the truth? Yes, we know Vedanta tells us the problem is ignorance of our true nature, and the idea that we are incomplete and need objects to complete us. Still, it is so hard to negate our humanity. We are bound by our subjective world of thoughts and feelings. No matter how real or unreal we think objects are, we are confined to knowing anything only in our minds. And as discussed previously, these minds are incredibly powerful tools. The most powerful on the planet, blessed and cursed with self-reflectivity. Yet with all our advances, our comforts and awe inspiring technology, most of us remain small and afraid inside, fighting the good fight against sadness, hopelessness and cynicism. Bound to the tempestuous world of feelings, and the ever changing nature of life. At best we convince ourselves that the ephemeral essence of life is what makes it more precious, knowing full well how much it hurts when something we cherish is lost or taken away. There is no immunity to loss here.
Both Embrace and Objectify Our Humanity
We must both embrace our humanity, and objectify it at the same time, with reference to Self-knowledge. In doing so, acceptance of the inherent limitations of being human, without self-judgment and condemnation, is possible. Nobody makes themselves the way they are. We all have more or less the same potential for both positive and negative tendencies. Vasanas, our likes and dislikes, while they play out seemingly uniquely in us, are universal. There really is only one jiva, and one ego, and we all share it. The gunas affect everyone in the same way, with different results. Knowing how complex and sensitive your inner world is, use this knowledge to have compassion not only for yourself, but for everyone else. Be kind to yourself and everyone else, cut some slack, leave some wiggle room. Not too much mind you. We still need to maintain vigilance of rajas and tamas if we want peace of mind to reign as the have a tendency to sneak in and take over.
A Life Without Compassion is a Life Without Wisdom
We have spoken a lot about compassion lately, how important it is. The bhakti sutras and the Srimrad Bhagavatum promote it as the fundamental property of wisdom. It is the combination of love and knowledge that creates true compassion, which is another word for love in action. A life without compassion is a life devoid of wisdom. When we apply it to our interactions with others, it paves the way for healing no matter what problems bubble out of the mithya cauldron. Stop the habit of making assumptions about others, thinking you have them all figured out, and know what they are ‘really’ about. Even though the mind I was born with is so open to unconscious information from the field, I have had to learn that this does not mean I know exactly what others are going through. And even if I do, it does not help me or them to know it or hold onto it. What people really think or say about you is on them, not you.
It is so easy to criticize others, but how do we ever know what it takes to be another person, what demons they wrestle with? We know very well how hard it can be to be ourselves, right? While it is always quite easy to see how the gunas are playing out, nobody really knows the totality of what is going on in another’s mind. Not even in those closest to us. We can infer the motivations behind people’s actions and responses to us. We can assess the veracity of a person’s values by observing the consistency of what they say and what they do, how they treat others in person and talk about them behind their backs. This does add up to a good idea of people and whether we should connect with or avoid them.
But this still does not mean we know what this person’s interiority is all about. We need to have the humility to accept that we do not know and we do not need to know everything. What is there in life that we know for certain? Almost nothing. Even science, our means of knowledge for measuring and quantifying anything, is certain only about the fundamental forces of physics. It has lots of theories, very good ones. The theory of evolution resides comfortably among other powerful fellow theories, including the germ theory of disease, the theory of continental drift, atomic theory, number theory, the theories of general and special relativity, and quantum theory. For a theory to qualify as such, it has to be an explanatory paradigm that has stood the test of theoretical coherence and—most important—empirical validation. For instance, if someone tells you that they have a theory that the earth is flat, you might or might not want to correct them or even bother responding. It’s pointless arguing with ignorance. But you definitely can downgrade their “theory” to a hypothesis (more accurately, a ludicrous notion). Nonetheless, no matter how good the theory, most of science is open to correction as new knowledge arises.
Nothing in Mithya is Certain
So to be happy, have the humility to know that you know nothing for sure – other than that your true identity is the Self. Give up the need to be right! In mithya, everything can be true and false at the same time, depending how you look at it. Duality or nonduality? Stop correcting people, even if you know they are incorrect. So what? Nobody enjoys being shown up. Leave the onus of perfection up to Isvara, and choose peace instead. Make a mantra of an old saying commonly attributed to Mark Twain, which runs, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
Maybe what you think you know for sure needs some revision! In any case, reining in the tendency to assume you are right about another person’s true motivations is a recipe for a disturbed mind, even if you are right. Live and let live, as the saying goes. If we must let off steam and talk about our experiences with other people, do so with care and with honesty. It’s a fine line. If you find yourself doing so because you want to convince others about the bad things you experience so that they too think bad thoughts about that person, that is adharmic. Remember how important speech tapas is, so stop doing it.
The Path to Emotion Regulation
Our conditioning, or likes and dislikes, will always be behind our triggering emotions. Some we are born with, most we develop as we grow up. They set the stage for how we experience life, and are what drive our thinking and emotional responses. They are what cause so much suffering because our likes and dislikes are so limiting and narrow. They do not want to expand and bend to how life is. They want life to contract and bend to them. And life does not work that way. This is called pushing against reality, or against Isvara. A very bad idea, indeed.
Step 1: Pause – The Optimal Response
The optimal response to a triggering emotional situation is to meet it with compassion “at the door” while it is still a thought, before it instantly morphs into an upsetting emotional reaction. Once it has, the racehorse of rajas is out the gate, hurtling down the race track of emotion, and you have lost the advantage of knowledge-based emotion regulation. Meeting the thought at the door of the mind is not a neutral position. It is acknowledging the thought and the feeling attached to it, but it gives you time to PAUSE before reacting. It is not avoidance or denial, either. Sweeping uncomfortable feelings under the carpet, or just ignoring them through procrastination because you don’t want to face them, is not freedom from them. It is further bondage to them.
Step 2: Identify the Guna and Prying Away the Bone of Rightness
If a deep emotion is triggered and you are upset, karma yoga is your go to. Hand it over to Isvara from whence it came. But this is not easy because karma yoga requires sacrificing being right, which the mind very much wants to hang onto, like a dog with a bone, when hurt or agitated,. To start the process of prying the bone away, identify the gunas at play. This will be no mystery. No matter how seemingly messy or complicated the karma, there are usually only two basic trouble-makers. Rajas is behind the hurt and extroverts the mind, tamas is behind the denial and obscures all the evidence. Thus, though sattva is always there, because it is the nature of the mind, it is not accessible.
Step 3: Go for A Walk, Then Write Down Your Feelings
We want sattva, peace of mind, to have centre stage as soon as possible. Even if you are ‘right’, accept your feelings are hurt and most likely overblown, and you are not seeing clearly, and the negativity bias is at play. You will want to ruminate but stop yourself from doing so. Let off steam by going for a walk, or doing anything that does not require thinking but preferably requires some kind of activity. Then write down your feelings. The Byron Katie method always works well here, (is it true, is it really true, who would I be without this thought) which itself is a combination of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). Rory explains this and another potent method for clearing emotions he calls it the Taoist dissolving method. Both are very effective but require commitment, as does any true healing process. You will find more on this in his new book, Enlightenment Made Simple, available on Amazon. I highly recommend that you read it if you have not done so yet.
Step 4: Identify the Trigger
Identify the real issue behind the trigger. Again, this will not be a mystery because it will be the same thing that upsets you every time. In my case, it’s always perceived disrespect, dishonesty, and disloyalty. Why? Well, childhood issues, of course, what else. My father was an authoritarian who valued honesty and integrity greatly, and his standards were strict and unbending. As children we were all a bit afraid of him. Also, not being respected or seen, emotional dishonesty by adults, etc., created unrealistically high standards of purity and dharma as a protection mechanism. Like most people, in my path to understanding the jiva and freeing myself of it, I had to negate the inbuilt and very human fear of ‘not being a good person’.
Step 5: Fearless Compassion
True compassion is fearless. It considers others but it is not attached to outside validation. It is love as knowledge in action, wisdom. It is unafraid to face feelings, to be humble, honest, and transparent, to see things clearly, from all points of view, as they are. It has nothing to hide, and chooses peace unequivocally, right off the bat, or as close as possible to it. This is the porosity of nondual vision. The analogy I use to explain nondual psychological porosity it’s like the wind blowing through an empty room, unobstructed. It is spontaneous surrender to God, to love and life, without resistance. This is what we must always aim for if dispassion is what we are after. Be especially honest about where you erect blockages against love because of your own likes and dislikes, and your fear of being unworthy of love posing as superiority or rightness.
Obviously, we all want the peace of porosity. Nobody deliberately chooses to be hurt or upset, and most people do not want to deliberately hurt others. But let’s face it, we are not always going to get that right. As Self-knowledge firms up, you will find more and more that porosity happens naturally and spontaneously, most of the time. Your likes and dislikes will ameliorate and be defused as a side effect of Self-knowledge. For the most part, they will be like burned ropes, with no tensile strength left to bind.
But as stated, even though you know you are the Self, it’s OK to be human and feel your feelings. It’s normal. Though your feelings may or may not reflect the truth of any situation, they are not THE truth. You are not your feelings, they will get hurt from time to time, and it passes. There is no requirement for self-righteous sainthood for moksa. Just for sanity. If you want to stay sane, you don’t want to allow your emotions to lead. At least, not for long. And if they do lead, recognize that’s what’s going on and grab the reins of rajas as soon as possible. Leave it too long and you are asking for pain and lots of blowback karma as tamas inevitably joins forces with rajas, dragging the mind down into hopelessness, cynicism and negativity. Clean up your act as fast as you can.
Step 6: Honesty and Thinking the Opposite Thought
As inquirers, thinking the opposite thought is a step by step technique for getting to the real cause of our likes and dislikes, and whatever thought patterns, belief systems and values lie at the root of a particular vasana or samskara. This is not easy to practice once a big emotion has taken root because we have to face what we all try our very best to avoid: the challenge to our good opinion of ourselves. Most humans have a deep need to be seen as good people, and when this is challenged, the tendency is to react with defensive aggression. But if true dispassion and freedom from hurt is the aim, emotional honesty is essential and unavoidable – the key to emotion regulation.
Step 7: Compassion is Always the Solution
The fact is, humans, including myself, are all flawed. No exceptions here. Honest compassion is the solution, not necessarily dropping our standards. Very often, the truth of a situation is blurry thanks to projection and denial. But even if the facts of any upsetting situation clearly reveal violations of dharma, whether mild or serious, compassion creates space for accommodation and acceptance, which restores peace of mind. From that place, appropriate action, if it is required, will be clear.
So to answer the question, how does nonduality relate to being human, here are the 9 qualities of a truly healthy and enlightened person, as written up by James:
The 9 Qualities of a Truly Healthy and Enlightened Person
You may think ‘you’ don’t exist, are enlightened or a great sage, but you will dance to the tune of a dysfunctional body-mind-ego-sense complex, unless you are a healthy person.
A healthy person….
1. Knows for certain that no object contains more or less joy than any other, meaning he or she knows for certain that there is no way to win or lose; every gain entails a loss and every loss entails a gain.
2. Has no doubt that the ego does not control the results of its actions because any discrete result depends on the cooperation of all the factors that comprise the field of experience.
3. Enjoys a dispassionate state of mind that treats sense enjoyments as the excreta of a crow, which amounts to indifference to the results of one’s actions, in spite of the fact that actions are performed for the results alone.
4. Provides the mind with a noble goal, one seemingly beyond reach. For instance, developing a firm conviction that only the conscious subject, unborn existence shining as consciousness, is permanent and that desired objects are impermanent. Or, that it is possible to be satisfied with oneself as one is at any given moment and equally satisfied with the world as it is at any given moment.
5. Easily abandons desires and fears as they arise, particularly those that may generate actions opposed to the universal moral order. He or she is aware of thoughts and feels his or her feelings, but doesn’t identify with them because they are known to be unreal.
6. Is not averse to luxury or the pleasures of the senses, but quickly and confidently restrains the active organs: hands, feet, sex organ, anus, and speech just as a turtle withdraws its limbs when in danger.
7. Enjoys a humble implicit faith in proven impersonal means of knowledge and the preceptors who unfold the meaning of the precepts, pending the results of honest self-inquiry.
8. Quietly and patiently endures the inevitable sorrows and pains visited by life.
9. Knows that knowledge is impersonal and can concentrate on a single topic until the mind unlocks the wisdom necessary to actualize freedom and embody non-dual love each day.
Om Tat Sat
Sundari
