Daniella: After your session I wondered about the disaffected child which I am sure most of us, who are listening to you, have done years of work on in therapy. Anyway, I did and although I know it doesn’t go away it is much thinner less dense less painful or something like that and I see it as an object known to me.
However, I had two really upsetting, shocking dreams straight away on Sunday night after the satsang; both were about being left and neglected as children. I know what they are about, but I was really shaken up the next day, so my question is about the Advaita shuffle. I have not been much interested in my feelings for ages. I have been much quieter and more thoughtful before I act, and just happy. But now, I am not sure if I am pushing vulnerability away by saying I don’t need to feel this fragility anymore.
I have a close male friend I love who may be dying of cancer, and John has not been well either, but I haven’t felt upsetting feelings, or rather, they seem dim or far away, so I wondered if I was cutting off. So how to hold this all. I don’t feel numb, down, or flat, but I am not in my feelings much, mostly just with a sense of well-being, so now I feel confused And the dream was really a powerful reminder that the vulnerability is there. I hope this is the sort of feedback you want so we can discuss it next Sunday
Sundari: Recognizing the jiva patterns in light of the adaptive child blueprint is not about digging through your jiva psychology. It is recognizing the overhaul modus operandi of the jiva blueprint in light of the gunas. It does not require, and it is not advisable to go digging through it to resolve any of the stuff that is in the unconscious. Let it be. There is nothing you can do about it, and it does not belong to you.
Remember that freedom is not about perfecting the jiva or fixing its “past,” but only understanding it and what drives it with reference to the teachings. As jivas, we all have those deep and defining psychological programs or samskaras, it goes with the territory of being human, as they originate from the gunas. Moksa is freedom from and for the jiva, so understanding the general pattern of the adaptive child in light of the gunas is helpful to this end because that pattern remains even with moksa. But once you know it for what it is, the jiva is as good as non-existent, though it will still behave according to its Isvara-given nature.
Freedom from the jiva is most noticeable in how emotions are managed. Being dispassionate about them does not mean you are indifferent in a non-caring way. You are simply not invested in your emotions as the truth about you, which means Self-knowledge is in control of the mind. Being vulnerable is not about being fragile or the Advaita shuffle. As the Self, you are invulnerable because nothing affects you. But as the Self-realized jiva, being vulnerable means being transparent, having nothing to hide, and having no investment in your past, good or bad. Being willing to be vulnerable engenders self-confidence because life is inherently unpredictable and insecure for everyone. To live well requires courage, empathy, and creativity.
So don’t go second-guessing yourself. If you are happy and blissful for the most part, self-inquiry is working for you and you are enjoying the fruit, Self-knowledge. See the bad dreams for what they are, just Causal body stuff being dredged up, nothing to do with you. Dismiss it. As for what lies in the future, what good will it do you to suffer over the inevitable in life? We will all die or lose loved ones. That is life.
Much love,
Sundari
