Dearest James and Sundari,
You posed that question – what difference has Vedanta brought to my life?
I have been thinking about it, as there is so much to say, but this is what I ended up with:
My jiva has been let off the leash!
Over this past year, something shifted, and there wasn’t an epiphany. My understanding says that it is because identification with the so-called Jo and her story shifted to being less than 50% – and after that – it was like a cascade of letting go/falling away, whatever you like to call it that loosed the leash. It began earlier in the year when I became so fed up with recurring bouts of suffering, despite self-knowledge, that I couldn’t negate without a struggle. Without going into the details, which I wrote you about at the time, a lot shifted in a short time and since then being ME is the default resting place that this jiva returns to, like a buoy on the ocean that despite being blown in all directions by the storms and winds, always bobs back, buoyant and untouched. The result is a love for ALL of it, that at one time seemed so impossible that I could only conceive of such a love in my wildest dreams. I have discovered that I am my own best friend, so much happier with my jiva and her imperfections, happy to witness the play of duality and non-duality – as you so elegantly expressed it. Some days are better than others for the jiva and her stuff and yet she doesn’t suffer any more – there is just a sense of compassion for the world of Isvara and a joy in life itself.
You my teachers have been like beacons on this journey and I am so deeply grateful. Sometimes a comment in a satsang will give me such food for thought and like a dog with a bone I can’t stop thinking about it until I get it. You are both so vulnerable about your own experience and that, more than anything has enabled me to lose the negative “guru” notion that was so binding for me. I am fortunate to have been blessed with shraddha that kept me hanging in when I couldn’t see the light.
Finally realizing that I am the Light.
Vedanta brought me home to myself.
Thank you thank you!
So much LOVE from Self to Self
Sundari: This is such a beautiful Song of the Self! I rejoice for you and with you, as the Unborn and perfect Self we are, with perfect dispassion and knowledge of the imperfect jiva appearing in Me. We all Self-actualize in the same way because there is only One Self, yet the way it manifests in the jiva’s life will be according to its nature. Which is an object known to us! While there are better days than some for the jiva, it is always, from here on in, a little dog on leash right in front of ME!
I couldn’t be happier for you, and I saw this transformation had in fact firmed when I last saw you in Trout Lake. You were a joy to be around, and always will be.
I feel blessed to know you and call you my dear friend in this life, and sister Self in the one Self
With much love,
Sundari
