G: Thank you for this long email. I will take time to read and think about it. The issues with physical pain helped with right understanding. I had the oldest thing happen after the teachings on Sunday night. Maybe the third type of pain you speak about.
I had such an acute pain in my ankle, so bad that I could not stand. I thought I must have had an accident and I got very fearful because I would not be able to do my jobs the next week then in the night the pain had gone and the next morning it was as if it never had happened.
I was so destabilised by the pain I was lost again. I needed some discrimination, but the fear was so strong. I hope we can have some time to talk about the consequences of pain. It would be really helpful.
Sundari: The body is indeed a strange thing, something we don’t have to think about when it’s working and not giving us trouble, it hardly exists. I added the nondual perspective to my reply yesterday knowing you know most of it, but all the same – when the body is struck like lightning by pain, or ill health, it can be very destabilising. The consequences of pain will be that it brings up any latent fear of aging and death. Aging is bad enough, but it’s the bits and pieces that fall off and/or stop working that requires great dispassion.
We all must say goodbye to the idea we have of what our capabilities are when the body/mind is younger. This is a great opportunity for you to see just how dispassionate and disidentified you really are with it. Isvara was probably just testing you. Who knows what’s next? You can be certain that Isvara has more of that in the pipeline as the body approaches the end of the line. But you don’t end, there is no ‘line’ for the Self. We must greet and enjoy each day as though it is our last, if not alive, then possibly, the last with good mobility and good health.
G: But for the rest I totally understand that there is no karma for the self it would be impossible. And I am beginning to understand how the causal of body is in charge of my life as a human because I have seen the oddest inappropriate tendencies arising in me that have been there all my life sometimes quiet sometimes noisy and I smile at them now and think how silly they are and how badly behaved I have been when I have acted on them. I think that is what you mean by them arising and falling away.
Sundari: Yes, this is what I explained in my talk on Sunday and in my reply yesterday. The jiva is the jiva, it is made a certain way, and it can be such a bother at times. With Self-knowledge, we observe it play out and become mostly porous to the effects of mithya, the jiva’s conditioning. But there will still be times when we see old tendencies arise and even mildly act out. But it’s all dissolved very quickly in the knowledge, and we do get to have a good laugh about it! What a gift.
G: Anyway, this is a very good conversation really helpful thank you so much
Sundari: You are always welcome, dear friend. It’s just the fear of death and old age, what to do. We must all dance our last dance sooner or later. And as the Self, we will observe that last dance, knowing it is actually an eternal dance because you never die.
Much love
Sundari
