Sandra: Dear Sundari, thank you for your explanation – some things are hard to swallow for my jiva, who wants to enjoy its path. But there is more and more dispassion in me.
Sundari: You are most welcome, Sandra. There is no reason the jiva cannot enjoy itself – in fact the only time it can really enjoy itself is when it is free of dependence on objects for happiness. The whole point of self-inquiry is to be free of the jiva but also freedom for the jiva, once you know it is not who you are. Once you do, you understand that the jiva is a construct, a program run by Isvara, which has nothing to do with you. Although you must render all binding vasanas non-binding and negate the doer to be free of the jiva, apart from this, you accept the jiva as is. You do not try to change it and love it unconditionally because it is made the way it is by Isvara. Everything about it is mithya, and you know yourself to be satya. When you do not depend on anything from objects, you can love everything as the self, while following dharma naturally and spontaneously. Then you can contact any object happily, not for happiness. Once you are free of duality, the only vasanas left are non-binding bhoga vasanas, or enjoyer vasanas, meaning vasanas that do not stand in the way of moksa and make life extremely pleasant for the jiva. We may still have desires, but our likes and dislikes are all sublimated to the self, so it does not matter if they are fulfilled or not.
We enjoy every day and every moment regardless of what is happening or not happening because we are the joy the makes the day joyful and en-joy-able. No ego is capable of this.
Sandra: I am working now with the fear, the one that hides deep inside and makes the jiva feel tense all the time. It is in the body – the shoulders are hard and tense – and in the breath as I am unconsciously grasping for next one. I am trying to find the thought/vasana that is causing that.
By Isvara’s grace I will manage to catch the thread that leads to the ball of yarn.
Sundari: The thread that leads to the ball is always desire, based on fear. The belief that you need to follow the thread to gain something you do not have. The fear you experience is what we all “free-floating anxiety.” I am sure I sent you the satsang on this one, as I posted a long one on our website recently on this issue. This is a big samskara for everyone until it is dissolved in the knowledge.
I attached it again in case you do not have the satsang.
~ Much love, Sundari
