John: Dear David, How are you? I feel like I’m stuck with two things. I know anything “I/John” says is known to ‘Me’ (awareness), but still….
Dave: Dear John, I’m well thank you, it’s nice to hear from you. The location of objects teaching that you reference (objects known to me cannot be me) is a crucial building block in the logic of non-dual thinking (Vedanta). It seems simple, and indeed is not complicated, but the implications of the teaching are profound for the Jiva identity.
The words “but still” raise a potential flag that I think is worth mentioning to you. No step in the logic of Vedanta is more or less important than any other. The location of objects teaching reveals something very subtle that we’ve always known but was previously unappreciated, which is that I am free from objects and experiences in all forms. This teaching contains the essence of Vedanta. Properly understood and assimilated, it has the potential to end the quest for knowledge.
Not every teaching tool works for every student, but despite that it is still important as a student of Vedanta not to take any teaching for granted. The alternative is unknowingly settling for our own conclusions and opinions, which in coming to Vedanta we have already acknowledged were insufficient to deliver the results we desire.
I may be reading more into your brief statement than is there, but often our use of language reveals gems of insight that we might not otherwise be aware of. In any case, continual re-evaluation of our understanding (especially concepts that we may take for granted that we know) is always a worthwhile practice.
John: The issue is, I’m a Karma Yogi, so when I thank Isvara I do it from the Karma Yogi identity and not from the ‘John’ identity (I’m putting the John identity aside when I thank Isvara). Then, after I thank Iswara and put the John identity aside, I look at objects with dispassion, and I keep reminding myself that I am whole and complete.
Dave: The provisional identity of Karma Yogi is meant to help you depersonalize your experience, and thereby to engender dispassion. You recognize that ‘John’ is the “problem,” but that you still identify as him, so adopting the identity of a Karma Yogi is offering the idea of yourself as a doer back to Isvara. It works because it meets you exactly where you are (unlike incomplete teachings that imply you must become or experience something else in order to be fully yourself), and gives you a way to look at life from the Self’s perspective while you handle your karma.
John: My issues are:
I’m still too attached to the John identity. I want to stop being so attached to ‘John’. I recognize that what I think of as ‘John’ is made up of many things: a body, different thoughts, feelings, sensations, memories, etc., and that awareness is ‘one thing’ – that which knows all the objects that appear in the world and in this body/mind.
So why am I still so attached to ‘John’ if I see that what I call ‘John’ only objects known to awareness?
Dave: You are new to assimilating this knowledge, that’s all. Rather than being too attached to ‘John,’ you are a dedicated seeker of truth who is becoming even more aware of how tenacious ignorance is. Ignorance meaning the momentum of karma, the beginning-less belief that you are a limited entity. You (as Jiva, John) never did not believe that you were limited. Jiva is you (awareness) superimposed on an inert notion that has no capacity to see beyond itself because it isn’t a conscious entity. Understanding that can release you from judgment and frustration with yourself, because if “your” ignorance never began, then can it be yours?
You (as awareness) never know anything other than your own beginning-less presence which is self evident, requiring no outside confirmation. So, maybe change the question “why am I still so attached to John” into the observation “wow, look how incredibly powerful Maya is that it can be so convincing even when I know John is only conceptual!” Allow yourself to become fascinated by the mechanical nature of the Jiva program, and also very gentle with yourself such that you find humor in the impersonality of its tendencies. After all, you can’t “let go” of something until you know it’s not you.
John: When I say to myself that ‘I’m whole and complete’ (my true nature), I still don’t feel like I’m whole and complete. So this mind/body called ‘John’ is saying, ‘come on, you know it’s not true’. What can I do?
Dave: Being whole and complete is not a feeling, it is the truth about you. Feelings certainly do arise when hard and fast knowledge of our whole and completeness obtains, but they are effervescent byproducts. Would we desire freedom if it made us feel bad? We wouldn’t. Being delightfully just fine, content with whatever happens, isn’t really a feeling though because feelings in the way we usually think about them are caused. The “feeling” of whole and completeness isn’t caused, it is the experiential “quality” of existence shining as consciousness (you). As such, any feeling can come and go, but self knowledge does not, and self knowledge is uncaused contentedness.
What we usually don’t notice is that the reason we do not “feel” whole and complete is because of the limited conclusions we hold about ourselves and the world. Holding those limited notions is equivalent to not knowing that limitless fullness is our nature; or if we do know that limitless fullness is our nature, that our confidence in that is not yet sufficient to unhook the habit of superimposing awareness onto those limited notions.
‘John’ may not feel he is whole and complete, but you know you are. So, what you can do is what you are doing, Karma Yoga and contemplating the words of scripture. Every time you look at yourself and your life from the perspective of “I am limitless existence shining as awareness,” you are reinforcing that knowledge and weakening Maya’s grip on you. Every moment that you look at your life with grateful acceptance of what happens, and recognition that the results of action are not up to you, your discrimination and dispassion grow.
Your willingness to admit your attachment to ‘John’ and your increasing dissatisfaction with feeling caught up in the idea of him are signs of maturity and commitment, not the opposite. That voice saying “come on now, you know it’s not true” is the voice of diminishment that Sundari speaks of. It is the same exact voice that told Arjuna he was not capable of performing his duties on the battlefield in the Bhagavad Gita. You are in good company not only with Arjuna but all students of Vedanta. Karma Yoga is the attitude that gets us through all challenges, no matter who we are.
John: PS: Maybe my attention is too focused on objects and I need to train my attention to be less focused on objects?
Dave: Yes, that is a good thought! That’s all we are really doing as students of Vedanta, shifting our attention from the unreliable “reality” of objects to the stability our unchanging self. That is non-dual thinking!
