Question: I KNOW I’m not the mind. I am not my body, my feelings or my thoughts, I just experience them, I’m aware of them. So why am I still acting as if I’m identified with my them?
I understand I have to understand this notion beyond the just intellectually, but what does it actually mean to not identify with the mind if I know that I am not my mind. I don’t say experience a scary thought and then think “oh no “I’m a scary thought”, I understand I can easily believe the thought or react as if it were true, but that feels different to thinking I am my thoughts…
Sundari: Discriminating the knower of the mind and whatever thought/feeling appears in it requires more than just intellectually knowing you are not your mind or ego-identity, as you point out, though that is a big step in the right direction. The point is, what is the mind/ego, where do your thoughts/feeling originate from, and why? This requires a valid and independent nondual means of knowledge that is capable of addressing these questions. For the nondual teachings of Vedanta to assimilate, we need to be properly qualified and taught by a qualified teacher. You cannot read your way to freedom because your subjective filters will be interpreting the nondual teachings, which are very subtle. Vedanta is a progressive methodical and valid means of knowledge that meets the true inquirer at every stage of their inquiry, and resolves their doubts, assuming they are qualified and dedicated to moksa.
Vedanta teaches us that the mind is the most powerful instrument we have with which we can accomplish all the goals of life; it is so primary and powerful, that it has the unique capacity to convert heaven into hell and hell into heaven. A person with every convenience can feel miserable and a person weighed by so many negative things can feel so happy. The quality of our life is dependent on the most powerful organ, the mind.
But, the powerful mind has a serious problem in its nature. It has the nature of producing/generating continuous thoughts without permission from us. Without our will, permission or involvement, the mind which is supposed to be our instrument – we are the owner—acts on its own. The mind can produce thoughts of our choosing but its nature is to produce thoughts continuously. The involuntary thoughts are happening all the time, and never stop. This generation of “continuous involuntary thoughts” is a very serious problem with many adverse consequences because involuntary thoughts kidnap the mind. And this means the mind is not available for my use.
Even though Isvara has given me a wonderful mind, I am deprived of the benefit. Like I buy a car for my use and all the family enjoys it. I want to come to the morning class and the car is not there! The most powerful gift God has given us but these involuntary thoughts encroach upon it, like squatters who take up residence. There is a property dispute which we are not even aware of, which is, who is the owner of the mind? Involuntary thoughts means I don’t have the mind for my use most of the time. I do all the actions as an absent minded person, a mindless person living in absentia. I go through my entire life with a mind that is inefficient. I make many mistakes as forgetfulness is a problem. I cannot even enjoy a beautiful experiences due to the involuntary thoughts the mind produces without my permission. I fail even as an inquirer because I don’t listen as the mind is not behind it. It is engaged elsewhere.
Involuntary thoughts are our greatest enemies and we do not recognize this, most of the time. The second problem when these involuntary thoughts is that they also produce disturbing involuntary toxic emotions like worry, anxiety, fear, depression, regret, hurt, guilt. These too come and encroach on my mind. Even if I see them and I ask them to go, they don’t go away. The problem of emotional disturbance is a serious one. When these toxic emotions stay for a long time, I lose my health, both physical and mental.
Many of our modern diseases are caused by a stressful mind. Stress means involuntary thoughts/emotions are continuously running very fast in my mind. I own a mind that I don’t really own. I am stuck with a mind I cannot set away, it comes with me wherever I go. Owned by whom, actually? Involuntary thoughts and emotions! Swami Paramarthananda calls them “FEDEREL” problem. Fe means fear, De for depression, Re is regret and L is loneliness.
The only answer to your question is understanding the origin of thoughts – which requires knowledge of where they originate from, the three forces that govern reality – sattva (clarity/intelligence), rajas (fear/desire/action), and tamas (dullness/depression/denial). Each of these three gunas produce predictable thoughts and emotions.
To value a controlled mind is to understand the way the mind thinks and to bring it in line with the way the Self would think if it was a person living in the apparent reality. It means that although the mind is capricious I need not fulfill its fantasies and yield to its caprices. It means that I am the boss, not the mind.
There are four basic ways of thinking, three of which are necessary to understand and master if I want to prepare my mind for Self-knowledge.
1) Involuntary and Impulsive. Unexamined thoughts born of instincts dominate the mind. I do what I feel without thinking about it.
2) Mechanical. Thoughts of which I am conscious but have no power to control because they are produced by binding vasanas.
3) Deliberate. Thoughts subjected to discrimination that are accepted or dismissed with reference to my value structure.
4) Spontaneous. Without evaluation my thinking automatically conforms to universal values and my actions are always appropriate and timely. This kind of thinking only applies to those for whom Self-knowledge has destroyed binding likes and dislikes (vasanas) and negated doership.
If my thinking is impulsive, conditioned or deliberate I am not a master but by deliberate thinking I, the doer, can gain control of the mind. Relative mastery is simply alertness (sattva) and involves deliberately submitting all thoughts and feelings to rational scrutiny and substituting the appropriate Vedantic logic whenever ignorance-born mechanical thinking dominates the mind. If I am conscious of my mind I can learn from my mistakes and exercise choice over the way I think, allowing me to fulfill my commitments to my goal in the face of various distractions and to change my behavior so that it conforms with universal values.
Control of the senses and single-pointedness are qualifications for inquiry. In this discussion we present them also as values. Here, mind control is discipline over one’s thinking at the level where the thoughts arise, sense control indicates discretion at the level of the senses and single-pointedness is the consistent capacity to stick with the teachings in the face of unhelpful thought patterns…applying the opposite thought, for example. The first two make the mind capable of single-pointedness
So, when it comes to negating the ignorance of my true nature, which keeps me stuck identifying with my thoughts/feelings and binding likes and dislikes, you need to be properly taught, as I said above. When the nondual teachings are unfolded and worked on my mind, I am able to negate the mind and its repetitive thoughts/feelings with Self-knowledge, which means I start to own my own mind. That does not mean that the mind stops thinking or feeling; that never happens because of the nature of the field of experience – duality. But when I can discriminate and take the position of the witness, dispassion develops and I am not affected by what appears in the mind. I learn to think deliberately. Self-knowledge will ‘do the work’, if we stick with self-inquiry with unwavering self-honesty and commitment.
Om, Sundari
