Carol: You latest satsang is certainly timely as things are quite challenging presently. Along with our beloved dog’s passing, our house sale has failed which means the new house plans are dead in the water. Stan is still dealing daily with anxiety & has a lump on his shin that has had x-rays & ultrasound and now will need to be surgically biopsied. We had days without internet due to a line being cut by the construction digging. And to top it off, the Covid monster finally got me.
I’m finding it especially difficult to apply what I know when not feeling well. There’s a tricky area of allowing thoughts & feelings, not repressing them, and sticking with the knowledge that they’re just that – thoughts & feelings, NOT REAL. Isvara must be pulling out really old stuff to deal with as of course, this all seems to threaten security, something I’ve taken for granted for a long time. The house thing will be a long ordeal once again. I worry about Stan and the stress though he has been handling things remarkably well, like his old self. He’s even quoted James to me.
Anyway, since life is a zero sum, I’m waiting for the up side as it seems we’ve had plenty of the down I offer the thoughts, feelings and situations to Isvara along with thanks as it comes to mind. Is it wrong to ask for a little relief? Any tips or if you see a flaw in my thinking, correction would be most welcome.
Sundari: I am so sorry to hear that you have not been well, and on top of it, Isvara has chosen this time to bring you so many troubles – I can understand why it is hard to see the silver lining! When Isvara wants to test us, it knows just how to throw the book at us. Knowing we are the Self and unaffected is of course the antipode of despair, but it is no guarantee of immunity from the choppy mithya waters of adversity, and those awful thoughts that come with them.
It would be wonderful if Self-knowledge could mean that the jiva never has another challenging day or bad thoughts appear in the mind, but sadly, it does not. However, the not so obvious upside is that life challenges do not mean you have to have bad days or believe bad thoughts. They are both a matter of perspective, meaning – whether we see things as a jiva or the Self. What use is Self-knowledge if it only works when things are going our way as a jiva? Isvara will make us face whatever fears we still have lurking in the unconscious, especially those we are blind to or dimly know are there but think we can get away with because we are the Self.
Ramji recently wrote so brilliantly about this in his satsang on Self-Actualization, you have probably read it. If you have not, I encourage you to do so because it applies to everyone. I have attached it for you. This is the part that is most pertinent in my opinion:
Quote: As I shared what I knew over the years I also discovered that many seekers claimed they were working hard on themselves but were still cultivating the dualistic mindset. That duality was a serious problem was only an idea that was at best partially assimilated, sometimes not at all. Consequently, here and now, duality played scot-free in their minds! When you are not ready to let go of your fears and desires any teaching can supply a rationale for hanging on to them, particularly the idea that life is a both/and, not an either or. If it’s a both/and, you can have your cake and eat it too. You can say the world doesn’t affect me because I am the Self so I will just let things be as they are, which is only good if you are more or less indifferent to your mind. (Ramji)
It is at times like this that we see just how indifferent we are to ‘our’ mind. That is the true measure of how much progress we have made on the road to moksa. The only way out of the stickiness of tough karma, especially if karma yoga fails and we cannot relate to it as the Self, is to accept the fact that life is always (and all ways) benign. This is hard to do when we are dealt horrible cards, but it is true nonetheless.
Isvara always gives us what we need to work out our karma. There are no bad results. Speaking for the jiva, in this case Carol, there is no real adversity. Feeling insecure is just a left-over jiva habit, one that most people suffer from. It’s the curse of duality as you know all too well. I know this fact does not take the sting out of the tough karma your jiva is experiencing.
But to put it in context, there will be other solutions in the works, you know you can trust Isvara on that score. You always have. When we are hit hard by a lot of karma at once, especially when ill, we tend to lose perspective because tamas dulling the mind makes everything look worse. You will pop out of this like a cork under water because the knowledge that you are the Self is hard and fast.
As the Self, you have no problems no matter what Carol faces. For the jiva there is only the problem of some residual ignorance temporarily blocking access to peace of mind. The only real issue is a remaining insecurity samskara, and this one Isvara will not allow us to hide from if moksa truly is the aim. Insecurity will be rooted out with increasing ruthlessness until we face it fully. Resistance is futile.
When Self-realization has obtained, and we are on course to actualize Self-knowledge, Isvara will step up the heat. As Ramji points out, being a seeker for many is a comforting identity, until it isn’t. There is just enough heat to keep things warm in the pot (not too challenging), but nothing is really cooking (jiva identity still protected). Well, now things are cooking and that jiva has to be dealt with!
Perhaps the insecurity seems silly because you know the fear is not real – and it feels like you never had it before. But it has always been there. James and I have both seen it but we knew the time would come when Isvara made you face it. We have often spoken of how deeply buried samskaras will come up when the time is ripe for them to do so. You even asked Ramji (Isvara) to whack you in a joking way! Isvara took you at your word – the samskara is actively showing its face to you now.
Isvara is a jealous God who asks no less than everything. So, throw in the towel and give in. Say – ‘OK, Isvara. Do your worst. So what?” All our fears are truly false evidence appearing real. But Maya is such a bitch and knows exactly how and when to hook us when one of its nasty little programs needs to be seen for what it is: a paper dragon.
The karma Stan faces must weigh heavily on you, I feel so much for both of you. Knowing the jiva is finite and you are not is the saving grace, but living with the failing body is not easy for anyone. We all have that rite of passage ahead, sooner or later. You cannot take on his karma – and I am so happy to hear that Self-knowledge is working to help Stan live life without fear of what is next. There really is nothing more powerful an antidote to all fear than applied Self-knowledge, especially when things are really hard.
I know that everything will clear up for you, and whatever is next is what is next. There will be no bad results. You will both get through this.
Thinking of you both, and sending much love
Sundari
