Sarah: Thank you for referring to the Duryodhana Factor, it is a beautiful satsang and most interesting! I also recognize that the more I stick to the teaching and am devoted, the more my ego seems to disturb. Then the saying of Ramji ” when the rubber meets the road ” is when the ego hits, to just not take that and not trust it. I keep telling you how important your (Isvara) work is and feel blessed to hear it from you and Ramji that explains the teaching so clearly. Again, thank you
Sundari: The ego, which is that part of the mind that is identified with action, the enjoyer of pleasure or the sufferer of pain, does not like hearing that it is not real, that it must be dismissed. It creates your false identity as a jiva, and it is never happy, even when it is happy! There is always a remnant of dissatisfaction even when things are going your way and the ego is getting what it wants. The reason for this is that the ego knows it is not in control of the objects, so it is always worried or disturbed that it might not get what it wants or lose what it thinks it owns. And because nothing ever stays the same in the apparent reality, it’s a zero-sum, there is reason to be worried if you are identified with the mind/ego. We all lose as much as we win.
Everyone chases happiness because everyone knows they are the Self, even if they don’t know they know. But it is a certainty that if you chase happiness, you will never find it. Happiness comes down to one simple decision: Am I the Self or am I the jiva? I cannot be both. If I think I am the jiva I identify with its problems and I am unhappy. I either deny what’s transpiring or project and blame someone or something for my unhappiness. If I am the Self, there is nobody but me and I dismiss the jiva for what it is: a toxic thought. I throw it out of the picture and totally ignore it. It is not me. I simply have no problems and refuse to have any problems, always, not sometimes.
To make that choice is always a possibility, and if you choose your true nature, any situation can be transformed in an instant. You just acknowledge the patterns, see where they are coming from and let them go—meaning, you give it back to Isvara with the karma yoga attitude. Unless it is adharmic, then karma yoga does not work and to be true to yourself you must make appropriate choices that are in line with your true nature both as a jiva and as the Self.
What became clear to me with the discovery of ‘my’ Duryodhana Factor was a big revelation. I know I am the Self. I have inquired deeply into the nature of life and the jiva long prior to Vedanta, most of my life in fact. More so with reference to Vedanta, so there is no doubt about my true nature as the Self. Self-knowledge is firm and my understanding of the jiva program is too. I was well aware that the jiva had developed a hard part, a ‘warrior vasana’ in response to the challenges of life, which played out in reactive blunt honesty. I just accepted this as ‘not me’. And it is, of course, not me as I am the Self. As I know that I am a deeply kind person as a jiva, I reasoned that the hard protective part of the jiva that is too direct sometimes causing conflict was simply ‘the way it was made’. Nobody makes themselves the way they are, life (Isvara) does. Again, this is true.
What I did not realize was that I had not properly inquired into how that part impacted me as a jiva, and ‘others’, the price in terms of peace of mind. As the primary value of life is non-injury, we need to understand how our conditioning injures not only ourselves but those we come into contact with throughout our lives. If we are injuring any part of life, and all parts are me, the partless Self, then that must be rectified. There is no way around this. To be free means everything about the jiva program must be seen and addressed. Though freedom is not about perfecting the jiva, it does mean that harmful vasanas must be rendered non-binding. This is how Isvara’s lawful universe works.
While it is absolutely true that I am the Self and not the jiva, if there is still some residual part of the jiva program operating, freedom is not that free. Even the smallest bit of ignorance has a big price tag in terms of my happiness. A tiny bit of ignorance can and does trick the mind into identification with negative thoughts which are always projected onto others whom we see as the problem. And the result? Unhappiness. But there is never a problem outside of our thoughts. We are the problem if the jiva has sneaked back into the picture.
How other people are towards us does not matter at all, unless, of course, there is adharmic behaviour, which can never be excused. Though nobody is a problem if I see everyone as me, the Self, that does not mean we should remain with people who injure us in thought word, or deed, or in a relationship with someone we do not love. That is not fair to us or them. Once we have taken stock, we must make our decisions based on what is best for both.
As you know only too well, nobody can advise you on what course of action is best for you. If there is still love and mutual respect between you and your husband and you can live with him accepting him as he is, that can work, if you truly accept it and apply karma yoga. Nobody makes us unhappy or happy. The only unhappiness is not knowing who you are and acting like the world needs to conform to your likes and dislikes.
Read this satsang below, it was sent to us recently by a woman who has been inquiring for a long time. Like you she was unhappy in her marriage and left her husband for an exciting lover. For a while she was behaving adharmically with her lover, not telling her husband about her affair and feeling bad about it. But she did tell him in the end. I am not sure if she ever actually left her husband, but the affair burned out as these things often do. She did not resume a married relationship with her husband though they chose to stay together as friends, I think for the sake of their children. She then went very deeply into her inquiry and now, desire no longer leads her by the nose, she is free of it, even though her husband now has someone else in his life and she is alone.
The Self Speaks
I do not have anything special to share and at the same time: I do!
I am FREE. Who is free?! Did I say free like FREE?! Yes! I am free of the one who is writing. The writing is being written. The jiva is being “lived”. How cool is that?
I feel quiet, relaxed, content. Often blissful. Mostly just “content”. Wow! Really cool.
The “rush” stopped. The searching, the need to grasp more of the teachings, to study MORE, the wanting, the idea of moksa (and all other the ideas), the big spiritual experiences seemed to have stopped. Even the idea that something needs to be said, shared, or explained is not there anymore.
I read Vedanta every day with great joy. I do not “need” to read the scripture. It’s beautiful and very enjoyable to focus on the truth though. I enjoy the silence, walking in the forest next to our house, a cup of tea, and my own presence. I enjoy seeing life unfold, without feeling the “pressure” that comes from thinking that I am responsible for the happening. What a relief!
Life is mostly quiet and harmonious. The kids are good. They are happy, enjoying their lives. I do not have much to do anymore. Just accompanying the kids as they continue to grow up. Incredible how perfectly everything accommodated for my little jiva. Life has been so generous to my “me”! Finding Vedanta and you were incredible. I ask myself how the life of this person without these teachings would be. It would be miserable!
I am. That’s it. As simple as that. Suddenly it is just clear. Nothing “happened” and this impacted everything else. What changed?! The fear, the anxiety, the expectations are not there anymore. I am unaffected by the “apparent happening of life”.
The standpoint changed. From being a person to being reality/existence, containing the jiva and everything else appearing “in me”.
The person, the doing, the happening are still “occurring”. Because that’s the way things are for the person. Once the ball starts rolling, it rolls all the way down the road, until it eventually stops for good. The life of a jiva could be compared to a snowball being affected by gravity. It rolls and rolls until it hits the basis of the mountain. Then it stops and that’s the end. That’s it’s end.
The thoughts appear in the mind. I see them. I am neither the mind nor its thoughts. How cool is that?! That’s so freaking enjoyable. To see how the mind goes to all those different places and I don’t. I don’t go anywhere. I contain all those processes, but I am not them. I don’t get contaminated or mixed with any of them.
I am not the happening either.
“Playing to be jiva” gets to be funky at times. Sometimes really funny! Sometimes the mind identifies with something. That’s ok. I watch the identification and it disappears.
Everything remains the same in “my life” and yet I am free of my mind, thoughts, feelings, time, events…
The apparent limitations and the suffering, the struggle and the wanting, the binding desires… All that seemed to have stopped. Ramji, this is so cool.
I am shining, love, forever.
I love you. Thank you for all these years of love, light, patience, and these wonderful teachings.
