Sarah: I am living alone right now. I took the opportunity to stay in the house of a family who are in France for several months. Contemplating and “bathing in” myself. Months ago we had several exchanges about relationships. Or my relationship for that matter. I read those words you wrote to me then and it seems that the words are getting deeper and deeper into me so to speak.
Sundari: Good for you Sarah, for putting the teachings into practice by taking the time to connect with and understand yourself better as a jiva in light of the teachings before making any big changes.
Sarah: Still attached to the jiva …that is what becomes clearer and being aware of it. I am taking a stand in Awareness as Awareness as much as possible (because of course there are distractions in life that keep me from a clear view).
Sundari: If you know you are still attached to the jiva, are you really attached to the jiva? The jiva is the Self, after all. However, I know what you mean. It is no easy matter to negate the jiva program entirely. Putting the teachings into practice happens thought by thought; it is not easy. Ignorance is an entrenched tyrant; it does not give up easily. Isvara’s Maya is very convincing and designed to distract us at every turn, extroverting the mind with rajas or dulling it with tamas. That is why karma yoga and jnana yoga are only useful if we put them into practice.
Sarah: The less I don’t mind about that or resist it, the better I “stay”.
Sundari: The first question here is who does the ‘I’ refer to in both instances in this sentence. I take it the second ‘I’ refers to you as the Self. And if so, that is quite correct, though the Self never leaves because it cannot. However, ignorance can obscure it. As the first ‘I’ refers to the jiva, it is true that the more we resist and put up a fight, the less connected we are with who or what we are. I wrote about this in a series of satsangs I posted a while ago, called the Durodyhana Factor. This ‘factor’ is the part of us, whatever it is, that resists Isvara, resists being one with the truth of who we are, and we are usually unaware of it. In some of us, this factor can be seen as an aggressive hard part, but it can also be seen in the part of us that tries to be too nice, meek, and mild. There are many subterfuges the mind comes up with to avoid the full reckoning with the truth of who we are.
Sarah: There is a “need” to die in this world … it is a burning desire …This also must be seen without hard wanting or pushing myself …but the ‘longing’ will be there and the letting go if I am ready. Does this all make sense?
Sundari: Yes, it makes sense, identification with the body/mind/world is the source of all suffering. Whether anyone knows it or not, everyone is seeking freedom from the oppression of duality, the dreadful pressure of desire and fear.
Sarah: I don’t see the ending of my relationship, but it seems that to stay on my own for a short while makes it better to SEE clearer… again. My partner is insecure about the outcome and of course that I understand. He asks not much and waits. It really is difficult to talk about it together. The showing on his site that he loves me without words is enough for him. The true spirit connection seems to not be there from the start.
Sundari: Anyone identified as a man or a woman has a hard time with the possibility of loss, which is of course inevitable in mithya, the apparent reality. The male program in particular has a hard time expressing what it really feels. You cannot help your husband with this, you can only understand it. The most important thing is that you do not expect more from him than he is capable of delivering and are not looking for anyone to complete you or make you happy. Only you can do that. The idea that a more ideal partner will give us what think is lacking is a trap, though it is true that some relationships lose their relevance once we start growing. It does not really matter whether you stay or not, in the end, as we discussed before. What matters is that you stand in the truth of who you are as the Self, which is free of the person and the world. That takes time and in the end, our lives may or may not look the same.
Sarah: Following Vedanta is taking me to another way of seeing and the changing in me. Karma yoga does do a good thing and is very important to go on with it, though it is also good to take a separation for a short while and see what becomes more clear (without pushing myself ) because that is what sometimes happens. “I must have answers”. I take action and God will show me the way…
Sundari: You cannot take a break from karma yoga if you understand what it is because it is the only sane way to live, 24/7. If you are harassing Isvara for answers then you do not understand what karma yoga is. If you are referring to taking a break from your husband in the karma yoga spirit, then yes it is a good thing, especially if you truly do not have any expectations or attachment to outcomes. If Vedanta is not taking you to another way of seeing things, self-inquiry is not working, or you are not putting it into practice. Karma yoga is not necessarily about acting or not acting but taking appropriate action/inaction in the karma yoga spirit. Focus on finding wholeness in you, it does not exist anywhere else.
Sarah: If you can or want to share some words about this would be nice. You and Ramji have no attachment to the jiva because your understanding is firm, still, there can sometimes be a quarrel I believe. Haha!
Sundari: There are no rules for how a free person behaves, except that they always follow dharma. If I am free of the jiva I am also free to think act and feel like a jiva because I do not identify with it as my identity. Freedom from the jiva is about embracing your svadharma and full humanity, not trying to suppress or run away from it. But it does mean that you are no longer run by unconscious impulses. You have surrendered completely to Isvara, but as Isvara is both dharma and adharma, being the Self means that you know you are beyond Isvara and the jiva. That they both depend on you, but you do not depend on them. The play of the gunas no longer conditions the mind, so the only actions you take are based on dharma to maintain peace of mind, sattva. Arguments are mostly dualistic and destructive to sattva. But sometimes, it’s ok to argue if you do so fairly, in keeping with your svadharma and are not projecting, or attached to the arguer or the argument!
Sarah: Thank you also for the video about God (Isvara) speaks. Very beautiful and to see you together was so nice
Sundari: Thank you Sarah, we enjoyed teaching together and will do so again more often.
Much love
Sundari
