Ron: I feel I need a little help. All this “doing” stuff regarding this house we’ve moved into is causing me to localize/identify with little Ron and his very rajasic mind with all its consequential suffering.
Sitting in the morning, and that seems to be the only time that there is any serious attempt to see beyond all the “stuff”, the mind becomes quieter/more sattvic and with the repetition of the identity mantra, Sat/Chit/Ananta, there is an “idea” or thought of being localized, as such, as isness or am ness and a disassociation with little Ron. I do try offering all the doing up to Ishvara but it is hit and miss so to speak.
Yes, there is the knowledge of the Self and a sense of witnessing Ron but my question is, is this witnessing identity “merely” the reflective self and that is all that should or can be expected?
I think it could still be still a “wanting of an experience of the Self’ that is happening and that it is being created by the ego/Subtle Body because Ron doesn’t like having his sleep disturbed by intrusive thoughts of renovation decisions. HOWEVER, there is some witness watching Ron and consequently, I/he doesn’t take his character and actions quite as seriously as one might expect.
My question still stands but as a follow-up to my email it does seem to be the reflected Self that is being identified with and it gets skewered by the gunas working on the SB. If that is the case, then is it not Ishvara/Maya but that I need to rely on the teaching, continue to practice discrimination as well as karma yoga, and repeat my identity mantra, Sat,Chit, Ananata?
Sundari: You answered your own question, Ron. You have the knowledge; discrimination is working, and you are applying the teachings to your situation. Disruptive events in the life of the jiva can throw a bit of a curveball into our comfort zones and it can feel like Self-knowledge wobbles, but it is only a temporary disturbance. Sattva is the nature of the mind, so we never really have more or less of it, but rajas and tamas out of balance with sattva obscure it and it can feel like access to Self-knowledge is blocked, so confusion sets it. Hence it feels like our boat (Subtle Body) is going through some choppy waters, and the troublesome and troubled jiva is back. But you caught the thought and applied the knowledge to it. Good for you.
With a little bit of mind-management, send out a grappling hook into sattva, while simultaneously trusting Isvara to take care of the turbulence, i.e., karma yoga. You as the Self never go through anything as you know, only the transactional jiva appears to. Hang in there and remember to laugh about it all, even when you cannot sleep at 3 AM! Lack of sleep can be torture, I do sympathize.
Ron: Anyway, sitting this morning, still with an old house needing work, nothing is really different in Ron’s world from yesterday yet the SB is much more sattvic and there is less identity with the movie it seems. But there is still disturbance from lack of sleep. Why is that tamasic negative thoughts seem so much more powerful at night when we cannot sleep? I need a little help here; poor little Ron is not sleeping well.
Sundari: The spiral thinking that rajas and tamas create are worst in the wee hours of the morning, and we are prone to picking on our (not) selves. Thoughts at this time are often distressing and punitive. Our worst tendencies, bad decisions, and the difficult events in our lives seem magnified when we can’t sleep because the mind gets caught in what can aptly be called ‘barbed-wire’ thinking. We start to catastrophize everything as our voices of diminishment are at their worst. If we get caught up in the tamasic thinking, even if we know who we are, ignorance is back, albeit temporarily.
From the mithya level, around this time in the sleep cycle, we’re at our lowest ebb physically and cognitively. From nature’s viewpoint, this is meant to be a time of physical and emotional recovery, so it’s understandable that our internal resources are low. But we also lack other resources in the middle of the night. Our social connections, cultural assets, all coping skills are unavailable. With none of our human skills and capital, we are left alone in the dark with our thoughts. So, the mind becomes our worst enemy, though it is partly right when it concludes the problems it’s generated are unsolvable. At 3 am, most problems are not. Even though there are no problems for the Self, and even if the jiva is challenged in some way, most problems are not problems!
But even we might think we are problem-solving by mentally working over issues at this ungodly hour, this is problem-solving’s evil rajasic twin – worry. Worry is identifying a problem, ruminating about the worst possible outcome, and neglecting the resources we would bring to bear should the non-preferred outcome actually occur, i.e., karma yoga. It is useful to remember that almost none of the things we worry about ever happen. But it is hard to put dispassion and discrimination into practice when worry takes over during times of no sleep. And yet, these concerns vaporize in the daylight. Once the Sun’s up and all normal activity resumes, our 3 am problems can be put into perspective and seem so silly, which proves that the 3 am thinking is completely irrational, rajasic, and unproductive, tamasic. If we allow these thoughts to take hold, things can loom large and play out like Hollywood productions of hell in the mind, so best ignore to nip them in the bud!
Have you noticed that the 3 am thoughts are very self(ego)-focused? In the quiet dark, it’s easy to slide unknowingly into a state of extreme egocentricity and deep identification with the small ‘I”. Circling round the concept “I” is a return to ignorance and always generates painful backward-looking feelings like guilt, shame, or regret (this happens even when awake, please note). When we cannot sleep these negative feelings are vastly amplified. And we make them worse by turning our tired thoughts to the always uncertain future, generating more baseless fears. The trick is to catch the tamasic thinking and simply say no to it in no uncertain terms.
As Vedantins, we know we are the knower of the mind and the gunas as they play and prey on it. So, mind management means we do not condition to the gunas. We need to rely on the teachings to work out what is going on for the jiva psychologically to get to the root of the problem. And the root of the problem is always free-floating anxiety, universal fear, beginningless ignorance, identification with the body/mind. Discrimination between the stressed person and the Self sorts out the problem.
Isvara decided that sunrise and sunset are so important that they must be predicted (hence the circadian system). Everyone actually wakes up many times each night, and light sleep is more common in the second half of the night. When sleep is going well for us, we are simply unaware of these awakenings. But add a bit of stress into the mix, and there is a good chance that waking will become a fully self-aware state. And often, it becomes a very bad vasana or habit which can take root and cause havoc in our lives. Not surprisingly, there is strong evidence that the pandemic is a big sleep-disturbing stressor.
So, know that your early hour barbed wire waking moments are not only induced by the changes going on in your life. It’s also part of the larger disturbance in the field. After all, the jiva is part of it and so, has a symbiotic relationship with it. Stress hugely impacts insomnia, where in addition, people become hypervigilant and stressed about being awake. This becomes a negative feedback loop because concerns about being awake when we should be asleep result in more insomnia, anxious wakefulness. After all, you can’t do your way to sleeping because the doer, as always, is the problem. The doer must disappear for the mind to enter the sleep state.
Discrimination is the first go-to of course, but what also helps is to bring your attention to your senses, specifically the sound of your breath. When the negative thoughts arise, say no to them firmly, then gently bring your attention back to the sound of your breathing (good tip: earplugs help you hear the breath and get out of your head). Sometimes this meditation works. Sometimes it doesn’t. If you are still caught in negative thinking after 15 or 20 minutes, it’s probably best to get up, turn on dim light, and read, but preferably not on a tablet or other device. Though I do and it works for me. Ramji gets up and works, but for me, writing Vedanta generally makes my mind too sattvic, which is another problem. It is sometimes harder to get back to sleep from too much sattva than too much rajas. The mind is just too high and will not find the tamas thought.
The gunas are the gunas and they do what they do. So What? There are no bad results. As long as discrimination is working, this too will pass. Loss of sleep is quite normal in disruptive times, try not to dwell on or stress about the stress of not sleeping. Pray to Isvara for tamas when you need it and when you find the tamas thought, stick to it like glue.
Much love
Sundari
