Mark: I couldn’t figure out how to relate to the world with such awareness. Because I understood that everyone is putting on a mask to fulfil their agenda. Also, I understood that my body-mind wasn’t under my control because there was an explosion of emotions that I couldn’t control. So somehow these hard times led me to discover non-duality. It was my only hope to be sane again. For one year I read, listened, contemplated, and meditated on almost every known so-called enlightened master. You call them Neo-Advaita teachers. All of them made me only more confused than before even though I had some epiphanies and blissful experiences. Because it was painful to seek awareness that I don’t even understand what it is.
Sundari: If everyone could be objective about the thoughts and emotions that bombard the mind every moment of every day, it should be obvious that nobody is in control of the mind. The only way to gain control is through understanding the three forces that condition the mind (the gunas), which is where most of the teaching in Vedanta comes in as mind management is the key to a happy life for the jiva. All three gunas, sattva, rajas, and tamas have very predictable thoughts and emotions that accompany them. It is quite simple to accept that you are the Self, it’s fairly logical if you think about it. But what does that mean for the jiva? You can know what it means to be the Self from an intellectual point of view but that does not mean you are free of limitation.
Freedom from limitation means freedom from and for the jiva and its habitual patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. But it is impossible for the jiva to work out what the Self is because it is the Self. The object cannot understand the subject because the subject is subtler than the object. For this, we need a means or knowledge for Awareness, which is unfolded in the nondual teachings of Vedanta. Without a proper understanding of what it means to BE the Self, that knowledge will not be of much help to you, as you have experienced. The logical question is then, who is in control of ‘my’ mind if it is not me? Who is that me? Self-knowledge, freedom, is about understanding both the jiva, the little me, and the big ME, the Self, not either-or.
The only way to sanity in the confusing world of duality is to step out of the game, and that can only be done with a valid means of Self-knowledge. A valid means of knowledge is one that stands up in any situation and under any circumstance. It does not change when things change, it is unaffected by our personal story as well as by the world at large. It is eternal and always true. The only knowledge that fits that description is Vedanta, the knowledge that ends the quest for knowledge. But, as you have found out, even in Vedanta there are teachers that do not have the whole picture. You called them non-advaita teachers, but they are called Neo-Advaita teachers.
These teachers think they can take a short cut to freedom by skipping all the teachings on the person and the world, they go straight to the Self. They claim that as the person and the world are not real, they do not exist, so why bother with either? But the problem is that while the person and the world are not real, they do exist because you can experience them. It useless trying to deny this. What does it mean to say something is not real? The Neos’ don’t explain what the definition of real and apparently real is or what means for you as a person, so they offer no way to discriminate between ignorance and knowledge.
Real is that which is always present and never changes, meaning the nondual Self, or Satya. Apparently real is everything else, that which is not always present and always changing, mithya. It does not work to impose satya onto mithya if freedom from mithya is what you are after. It is quite understandable how frustrated and stuck you are. We must bother with who the person and the world are because if you don’t understand the forces that run the world (and your mind) you will never be free of it. The kind of seeking Neo’s impose is painful because it does not work.
Mark: One night I was listening to Adyashanti’s satsang (which at that time only he made sense) and felt asleep with earphones and in my dream, I heard him saying “because it is so obvious it the most obscure.” That triggered something in me that I couldn’t communicate. After that again there was hope to be enlightened. But still, I couldn’t figure it out even after hours of meditations. I was exhausted with all these efforts. My life became worse than before and I was a worse person than before with such confusion. I felt like losing serious time while seeking.
Sundari: It is futile to ‘hope to be enlightened’. Enlightenment is not a becoming because you are already the Self. All you need are the obstacles that keep you from appreciating that as a fact to be removed by Self-knowledge. The problem with the Neo teachers is not only that they do not have the teaching on the jiva-Isvara relationship, which is central to moksa, but they also teach the Self as though it is an object to gain, which is impossible. How gain you gain something you already have? Therefore, you were more confused than ever after listening to them. They are right that you are the Self, but to understand what that means for the individual, ignorance must be removed from the mind with the dedicated application of the teachings unfolded by a qualified Vedanta teacher. You cannot work the teachings out on your own because the mind will interpret them according to its ignorance.
Mark: Then I was about to drop this whole seeking stuff with big frustration and resentment. But you know once you start seeking you cannot stop till you find it. So somehow I just wrote ‘obvious awareness’ on YouTube and clicked randomly one video and discovered James Swartz. He was talking about awareness with such serenity and humour in less than 10 minutes I felt relieved for no reason. So, I started watching him teaching Vedanta every day and dropped many misunderstandings that I got from other teachers. Sorry for the long mail but it is the first time I completely trust a teacher enough to send an e-mail and I wanted to show my seeking journey to make you understand my problems better.
Sundari: It is by the grace of Isvara that you found James and Shiningworld, and grace is earned. But most inquirers who come to Vedanta have a ton of indoctrination from other teachings to work through. It’s not that there is anything wrong with other teachings necessarily, but most are unclear about what the Self is at best or are they able to explain the apparent reality, other than through their own experiences or beliefs. This leads to deeply erroneous ideas because people taken ignorance to be knowledge, they do not know the difference between them.
Vedanta is called a “brahma vidya” which means the Science of Consciousness. It is an objective and scientific analysis of the true nature of reality and your experience, based on the facts. Like any other science, it is not personal, and it has a methodology, which, if followed with great dedication and commitment, will provide irrefutable knowledge that is moksha, if the student is qualified. Vedanta is simply the truth about you. Not your truth or my truth or anyone’s truth: The Truth.
As I said to you before, Vedanta tells you right up front that you are the non-dual Self. Suffering happens because you are under the spell of ignorance, duality. It teaches you how to discriminate between nondual knowledge, what is real, the Self, and ignorance or duality, that which is apparently real, the jiva and the world.
But without all the necessary qualifications present in the mind, the mind or ego will be suspicious of the teachings, or confused, as it will not have the requisite faith in them to put aside its own opinions, biases, and beliefs. Non-duality is not theory in practice, it is not a philosophy nor is it the fabrication of teachings based on a prophet or mystic. Vedanta is also called apauruseya jnanam, meaning not the philosophy or experience of one person like a prophet or a mystic, as in the Buddha, Jesus, or Abraham. It is not a belief system or religion either. Vedanta predates all known religious or philosophical paths because it is the pathless path that underpins all other paths. It is an independent teaching or sruti, which means that which is heard. It is also called Self-knowledge.
Self-knowledge, unlike object knowledge, stands on its own and is always true because it is true to the Self; meaning it cannot be dismissed or negated by any other knowledge. Self-knowledge is different from knowledge of objects, which is object-based, not subject-based. Knowledge of objects is not knowledge unless it is true to the object. If I am looking at a dog and my eyes and mind are functional, I will not see a cat. If it is “my” knowledge, then it is my interpretation of an object (pratibasika), which is not necessarily knowledge. Ignorance (or my point of view) causes me to see or experience objects in a certain way because of “my” conditioning. People believe that ignorance is knowledge because they believe that what they experience is knowledge. It may be knowledge, but it may not be. Self-knowledge is neither confirmed nor negated by anyone’s opinions or experience.
Mark: Now my first question is I watch my body-mind as an object while I have not identified my Self as an awareness fully yet and I can see my stupid, evil, shameful, and hurting thoughts and criticisms that I wasn’t aware of before. They make my heart tight with guilt even if I see their stupidity. I know they are coming to the surface and arise on their own without my control and I observe them with popcorn. But how can I relate to these thoughts to make their impact on my heart less and forgive the personal mistakes?
Sundari: This is a nondual reality, so there is only one Self, one Awareness. You cannot identify with ‘an’ Awareness, and if you do, you are still trapped in duality. More on this below. Unfortunately, all jivas do great damage to themselves and others in their lives because of their unconscious programming, which is created by their vasana load, which in turn, is governed by the gunas. As mentioned, the gunas are the three energies or forces that govern everything in the apparent reality. Nobody makes themselves the way they are and most people would not cause injury to others if they knew better or understood the true nature of reality. Blame and guilt are only useful to rectify our karma and take appropriate action, but they are very damaging if they take over the mind.
To succeed at self-inquiry requires that we understand how and why the jiva is programmed (the nature of the environment and the forces at play in the apparent reality). It is not to perfect the jiva which is impossible anyway, and unnecessary for moksa. It is simply to understand where our thoughts and emotions come from and why they morph into actions that harm us and ‘others’. When we do understand this, we can forgive ourselves and others and commit to non-injury in every thought word and deed. Following dharma and non-injury are foundational values for self-inquiry to work.
When we do understand that all thoughts and emotions do not belong to us but come from the gunas/Causal body or Unconscious, i.e., from beginningless ignorance, we can, with dedication and the application of karma yoga, begin to free ourselves from binding vasanas. There is no way to be free of the jiva without first understanding and applying the knowledge of how the apparent reality works. Neo-Advaita jumps straight to the Self, which is all well and good, but sadly, the unhappy dissatisfied and suffering jiva is still there and refuses to go away. Freedom from limitation simply means freedom from the jiva’s bad habits, and freedom for it to live without the hypnosis of duality, as the Self. This is not easy, and for many, takes many years of dedicated self-inquiry. But do not be put off by this, because as soon as we commit to self-inquiry, life for the jiva begins to improve, assuming we develop the qualifications for sustained self-inquiry and – most important – APPLY the teachings. Please make sure you read the attached document on what self-inquiry entails as you need to be very clear on this.
Mark: I also observe my heart and it needs relief with some great understanding. I want to state that my second and third questions may be stupid but I’m asking them to clear my confusion and ride on my journey clearly.
Sundari: There is no other relief from the suffering that duality creates on the mind and heart other than Self-knowledge. You have come to the right place, make sure you understand what is required, then get on the Vedanta bus and relax. If you want freedom more than anything else, it will take you where you want to go, which is where you are already, but you cannot appreciate this fact yet due to the accretion of ignorance hiding the truth from you.
Mark: My second question is that the world is in my mind like a dream and I accept this fact. But still with ignorance now it looks like the other people are objects and for them, I am the object, so how can I leave the confusion and break the notion of others and see them as myself?
Sundari: The hypnosis of duality (Maya) turns everything on its head. Maya superimposes duality onto nonduality (called viparaya in Sanskrit) and deludes us into believing that there is a separation between us and the objects we perceive, and vice versa. Vedanta rectifies the reversal and restores non-dual vision. But first, there is work to be done on cleaning and purifying the mind, as explained above. This will not happen overnight, even when we understand the process intellectually. It takes time for Self-knowledge to scour away all the ignorance that has conditioned the mind for a very long time, so be patient, sign onto to the logic of Vedanta and deepen your commitment to the process of self-inquiry. Nobody can remove your ignorance for you. A qualified Vedanta teacher can only unfold the teachings and guide your inquiry, but we cannot enlighten you. Only Isvara can do that if you are a qualified student and commit to your sadhana. Self-knowledge cannot bear fruit if you do not do the work.
Mark: My third question is about death. After enlightened beings’ death, is awareness still awake and aware in a blank way forever? And if so if there is only one awareness all the enlightened beings share the same blank awake awareness?
Sundari: There is no death for the Self as there is no birth, how can there be if you are all there is and not bound by time and space? Death applies only to the body, which is a temporary construct or individual through which objects can be experienced, but it is not real. As stated above, real is that which is always present and never changes, the Self. Apparently real is that which is not always present and always changing, the body/mind. The teachings are designed to answer all these questions, but you need to start at the beginning. Of course, there is only one Awareness as this is a nondual reality. If there were a separate awareness for every jiva then duality would be the reality and there would be no escape from suffering.
Mark: And my last question, which is the main problem, is that the awareness I am is the only awareness which is aware.
Sundari: Awareness is just Awareness. The words ‘self-aware’ imply duality, a Self, and something for it to be aware of. But that is impossible because Awareness is non-dual. There is only Awareness, one without a second. This may still be a bit advanced for you, but while we say the Self is self-aware in the beginning stages of self-inquiry, which is not strictly true. The Self is the only knower when Maya is operating. Remember, reality, the nondual Self, is unborn, non-dual Existence/Consciousness. It is not a knower unless Maya provides objects. Maya is the material principle, which is not sentient. It seems to be sentient because Awareness pervades it, but it isn’t. When Maya is present it seemingly deludes Awareness (the jiva) into thinking that it is incomplete, provides a world of attractive objects, and convinces it that it can remove its sense of incompleteness if it gets the objects it is attracted to. At the same time, it deludes the Awareness into thinking that it is a desirable object, the attainment of which will set it free, which is impossible because it is already free and because there are no objects in Awareness to attract Awareness. So, when the words of the scripture/guru are heard, they are only heard by Awareness since it is the only sentient being. If you subtract Maya, you cannot call Awareness sentient. You can only call it Existence/Awareness.
Mark: So, I know it cannot be realized as an object because it is me. But how can I fully admit this fact because seeking my Self while I am always here is quite funny and yet mysterious? What can I do to inquire in a most simple way and give an opportunity to make this shift happen? I’m just like a little kid now who waits to get his chocolate with excitement. Because it is me who is looking at this text yet is not sure totally that it is just awareness. There is a kind of excitement to get it soon. Thank you so much I’m grateful for your teachings and if I took time with this complicated e-mail sorry again and please accept my gratitude.
Sundari: I fully understand your excitement, no worries! Self-knowledge, Vedanta is counter-intuitive, thanks to the deluding power of Maya on the mind, which is conditioned to think and ‘see’ a certain way, through the filters of its vasana load or conditioning. The least mysterious thing about you is that you are really the nondual Self and not the jiva, but that is difficult to assimilate at first. As you say, it seems so ridiculous, how could we be so deluded? The answer is Maya is very powerful, but lucky for us, not more powerful than Self-knowledge. As excited as you are because you understand the value of what you have found, there is no way for you to jump ahead if you really want to be free. You will have to start at the beginning and follow through on all the steps required for self-inquiry. Don’t try to go too fast because you intellectually grasp the teachings, that is a mistake many intelligent inquirers make. Go slowly. I recommend you do all three courses we have on the website, starting with the beginner’s course. Feel free to write it you get stuck.
Om and prem, Sundari
