Govinda: Long time since we last communicated.
I had to recently made a bold decision to leave my wife and child and fly home to be with my mother indefinitely, who is a widow, as she was alone and my wife was not supportive of me caring for her to a point where she told me to choose between me and my mother and will not let me talk to her, will not go on holidays back home, as she felt I should not see my mother at all and I should forget her.
It was a horrible situation to be in, as there would be constant loud fights between me and my wife, and my child would get impacted. For the last six months, I was on survival mode and felt like Arjuna caught between choosing my mother or my wife and child.
By God’s grace, due to Vedanta and its teachings on svadharma, I made a list of actions that would bring me peace and realized that the bold decision to leave my wife and daughter and to be with my mother will bring me peace, as it was my true nature and I strongly feel that if I had succumbed under the pressure of my wife and forgotten my mother for my wife’s sake, her demands and her threats, I would have committed adharma and would never have been able to forgive myself.
Now that I am with my mother, I am in a much better place mentally.
Thank you, God, Vedanta and Didi.
Sundari: I imagine leaving your wife and daughter for your mother was not an easy decision. I know that in Indian culture the mother of a man has a position of great importance. On the face of things, it is not right that your wife tried to prevent you from having contact with your mother. However, I doubt that the situation with your wife making you choose between her and your mother was one-sided. I am sure if I had to speak to her, she would have her reasons.
As we mature and find our way in the world, it is natural that we leave our parents to live our own lives. You are now a married man with a child; that comes with duties and responsibilities. You cannot just walk away, no matter how good you think you feel for doing so. Who is taking care of them? And while you may feel justified in making the decision you did, are you sure you are taking a good hard look at yourself? Like I said, it is unlikely that your wife would have such strong feelings about your mother for no reason. All marital problems are two-sided.
Nobody can tell you what is right for you, and it is not my job as a Vedanta teacher to do so. Only you will know if the decisions you made are truly dharmic, not only from your small svadharma perspective, but the perspective of universal dharma, Svadharma with a big “S” as well as visesa dharma, situational or ethical dharma.
But I can tell you this: if you try to hide behind Vedanta and its teachings to make it conform to your likes and dislikes, it will backfire on you and not work. Your life must be sublimated to the truth, not the other way around. If you are running away from your duties in this world, the karma will come back to you. If you are truly interested in moksa, there is no place to hide and no shortcuts to freedom from attachment to and dependence on objects.
~ Om shanti, Sundari
