Sundari:  How can you disappear?  You are never not present …

CC: The ‘crash’ came with a sort of ‘knock-out’ but was just a nice landing really. After so much energy output, physically and mentally, it had to happen 🙂 – which also resulted in a clear settlement in what these guna’s do and don’t do. 

Sundari: Guna knowledge is the game changer in living an intelligent sane life, and they work predictably so once you know, you know. Rajas and tamas cannot be separated – though what is interesting is that excess rajas inevitably ends in excess tamas, but not the other way around. Yet, once tamas gets hold of the mind, it is very hard to get out of it, but the only way to do so is with rajas.  Sattva is just not available.

Conversely, the most effective (but not easy) way to get out of excess rajas before it becomes entrenched tamas, is with sattva, again, not easy but possible but requires discipline.. Though sometimes, tamas is the first or only option, if only to sleep. Excess rajas extroverts the mind so much that the nervous system becomes fragmented, in permanent fight or flight mode.

As Ramji has been teaching the last two Sundays, sattva can also pose a big problem. It  so easy to be seduced by the idea that you are somehow special or different when the knowledge first dawns that you are the Self, the witness and not the experiencing entity. It is akin to waking up from a very deep, very long sleep and seeing clearly for the first time.  What most don’t realize is that whether you run off to India and get high immersing yourself in the sattvic peace of ashram life, which is very common, or whether you just think knowing who you are makes you different from everyone else, that is enlightenment sickness.

The golden cage of sattva traps most inquirers at some point. Luckily, there is a cure, but only if the ego is prepared to accept its demotion, and the reality check that being the Self is ordinary. That is the tricky part, and it is where ‘the rubber meets the road’ in the real meaning of moksa. It can be a tricky balancing act managing the gunas, but Self-knowledge does the job. 

As you know, a true jnani is simply the witness of the gunas, just observing the play without being disturbed.  But it is very unpleasant for the mind to be overrun by either rajas or tamas, as it is to get unwittingly caught up in the illusion of spiritual specialness. So taking the appropriate knowledge based approach to managing the gunas may be required.

CC: I often don’t know the difference anymore between Ishvara and jiva, in some sense, but they are funny – it’s all free. 

Sundari: There is no difference from the Self’s perspective. But there is a big difference from the jiva’s perspective in that their abilities are vastly different.  It’s only ‘all free’ if you truly know that.

CC: It’s like seeing jiva and Ishvara as the same, and me and making jokes amongst each other also, talking beautiful nonsense. 

Sundari: Yes, if by ‘me’ you mean the Self

CC: I mean to say that a refining of mind is going on and that this is very much like a celebration and very quiet. I would like to check some things with you on this but it isn’t in word-mode yet. But the sheer joy to be, and to not apply it to circumstance reflexively, or subconsciously.. phieuw… 

Sundari: As always, you are doing a pretty good job of it! Alway here if you need any clarification.

Much love

Sundari

Enlightenment sickness is claiming you are free when you don’t know what freedom is.  It is due to inadequate listening (sravana)and reflecting on what you have heard.  It is typical of modern spiritual teachers.  Reflecting (manana) is systematic resolution of doubts created by the teaching, “You are unborn existence shining as ever-present whole and complete non-dual consciousness.”  

Why is Reflection so difficult?  Because the ever-free Self is the mirror opposite of the self we have been told we are.  Consequently, an inquirer must change the dualistic orientation of his mind.  Beginning seekers are always fixated on changing their experience of reality rather than understanding reality as it is.  So, it is necessary to convert the desire to experience into a desire to know.  If you know What you are, your daily experience will automatically align with it.  If you change your experience of life without knowing who or What you are, the changes will not last and seeking won’t stop.   Trying to gain what you already have is called samsara. 

The Dualistic Orientation  is shifting your identity as the Self from the unknown to the known category.  If you knew What you are, you wouldn’t try to change your experience of reality.  Once you find out What the ever-present Self is, the desire to shift it to the known category arises.  But it doesn’t fit into that category because it is the knower of both the known and the unknown. 

The Self is not a new, extraordinary entity or a state of consciousness. It is the most ordinary entity, always available as the content of the word ‘I’ , ever-present existence shining as unborn whole and complete consciousness.  

What is the nature of the world/body?  (1) It is an object of experience.  (2) It is matter.  (3) It is endowed with attributes/qualities.  (4) It is subject to change.  (5) It is temporary (manifest and unmanifest).  It is only available in the waking state; it appears when you wake up.

1 . The  teacher said: If you think you know Awareness well, then you only know a small portion of It.   Therefore, limitless Awareness, is worthy of inquiry.  

A zero-Sum Conundrum.

“A small portion of it”…our primary means of knowledge, direct perception, has very a limited range.  Our secondary means, inference, expands the range of perception but is still a limited means.   It is a sad fact that at the same time, you think you are only a body/mind entity, you are everything that exists.

If I say I don’t know what I am, it means I was asleep during the teaching or the teacher was incompetent.  If I say I do know it, I run the risk of exposing my ignorance because I have just been told that the Self is not an object of knowledge.  We are always ignorant of something but nobody wants to feel stupid. 

The Solution:  I know what I know and I know what I don’t know, which means that the reflected self has been objectified.  So, inference establishes the fact that I must be something other than what I know and what I don’t know.  I must be something other than what I experience and don’t experience.  

Almost all curious people want to experience the Self once they have heard about it because knowing it as it is, is perfect satisfaction.  Nididyasana is for claiming my identity as Awareness, not experiencing Awareness.

Definition of Freedom

2.  The Student said:  “I don’t say I know it, nor do I say that I don’t know it because ordinary ever-present consciousness is The Knower and I am That.  Whoever understands in this manner understands correctly. 

He knows it isn’t an object and he knows that it is his ordinary “I,” the ever-present knower of the known and the unknown.  His inert equipment, the body-mind-sense complex, has been objectified by the teaching and he is now free of it. 

The Upanishad actually ends here with the listening phase.  Reflecting is questioning what you think in light of what you’ve heard from the teacher and discarding the beliefs, opinions and ideas that don’t jibe with what you have heard.   If you don’t listen and reflect adequately, you will just memorize the answer and call yourself enlightened, to your detriment.  This inquirer passes the enlightenment quiz.

The following 3 verses summarise this teaching.

3.  The one who knows it knows it not, but the one who knows it not, knows it. 

If you think it is an experience or knowledge, you don’t know it.  If you know it isn’t an object of knowledge/experience, you know it as your existence shining as unborn whole and complete consciousness. 

The next verse is one of the most profound in all Vedantic literature 

Self Knowledge (atma jnanam)

4.  To say you know it you must know it in every state of mind.  To know it is to understand that you are immortal.  By virtue of Awareness one gains life, but one “gains” immortality by knowing It.

Summary: The Self is the invariable existence shining as unborn consciousness in the mind because of which life’s discrete experiences are possible.  I am that Consciousness.

Freedom is not an event.   It is not an experience.  It is a “non-experiencing” witness.  It is not a part, product or property of the body.  It is not an altered experience; the wise and the ignorant have the same experiences. It is not a finite entity limited by the boundaries of the body.  It does not borrow light like the mind.  It is eternal consciousness.  Once the jiva understands, its idea of itself and its attitude toward itself changes. I don’t “become” immortal.  I stop worrying because I am immortal.  I am perfectly indifferent toward what happens and doesn’t happen.  I am perfectly satisfied no matter what happens in the transactional reality. 

Chapters 1&2 are savanna and manana
Verses 1&2 set up the context for claiming “I am Awareness.”
30 Minutes savanna,  30 minutes manana. 

1.   The disciple asked: By whose will is the mind directed to its objects?  By whose command does the life breath do its duty?   Who causes the eyes to see and the ears to hear?   Who speaks through the mouth?  

What are the Qualifications?  Knowing the body is intelligent and that the world and body are the same material (non-duality)  Separating Sentiency from the Body -By Whom indicates sentiency  Only a subtle mind can claim.  

Mantra 2 metaphorically reveals the uniqueness of the Self.  Known objects do not need to be explained with metaphors.  They can be accurately described.  But the Self can’t be described because it is not an object.  Because reality includes unknown as well as known factors how can we describe everything that is?  

2.  The teacher replied: It is the Eye of the Eye, the Mind of the mind, the Speech of speech, the Life of life, and the Ear of the Ear.   Separating the Self from the senses and renouncing the world,  the wise one realizes its immortal nature.

Inquiry is Discrimination  –  Separating and Claiming

If I’m asking, “Who am I” I’m never going to know the answer.  Or if the answer inexplicably manifests, I will be unable to understand it for want of context.  Inquiry is hearing the teaching, accepting what it reveals as knowledge and discriminating the Self from the objects that present themselves to it.  

Applying the Opposite Thought 

The five features of the Consciousness Principle are opposite the five features of the material principle.  It is not an object of experience, non-material, attributeless, unchanging, always present and readily available.  Maya hides It (avidya) and focuses attention on matter (viparaya) so there is confusion.  Am I a material being or a non-material (spiritual) being? 

In this verse the intimate subjective instruments, the senses and mind, are presented as the material principle too.  This causes a problem because, although they are insentient, we think they are sentient i.e. the consciousness principle.  How can an insentient object think it is a conscious subject? The inquirer has concluded that they must be borrowing sentiency from something else.  

Reflected Awareness – Objectification of the secondary observer is Non-Identification with the Material Principle 

We can’t understand the Self because hearing about it creates a desire to experience it, since it is tantamount to freedom and non-dual love.  You hear about CBD oil and you want to experience it.  But experience doesn’t work for the Self because it is already experienced.  So we have to use logic.  If we say “You are the ever-full blissful consciousness right now” it contradicts my experience of myself.  

Understanding without Objectifying

So we call it the eye of the etc., which means that we want you to understand it without objectifying it!  Which is to say, you need to non-identify with objects.  Only identification brings an object into existence.  Where is your X when you are thinking of Y?  We only identify with objects because we think they are real. 

What is Reality?  Reality is the unborn essence of everything that never changes.  It is existence/Consciousness.  It is all there is.  

If you understand the Five Features of Consciousness you can claim it with the mind if you exclude the body and mind!  The mind, which can’t claim it because it is insentient, must claim it, because it inexplicably “thinks” it is the conscious subject. 

The Benefit of Claiming “I am Consciousness” is objectification of the body-mind-sense complex.  

Claiming involves knowledge of God  (saguna brahman).  It is dropping ownership, doership and controllership which produces a satisfied uncomplaining mind.  An iceberg (jiva) melts into the ocean of existence/consciousness.  It results in a disciplined non-dual mind. 

Claiming removes the “I and mine” concept, which neutralizes my likes and dislikes and brings peace.  It eliminates the selfish principle which creates bondage to action. 

Summary:  Vedanta provides the unarguable logic that allows me to claim “I am whole and complete actionless Awareness” without including the body and mind.  The body-mind-sense complex is just a costume.    

Hour 2  30 minutes listening, 30 minutes Q&A

3,4 . The eye does not go out on its own, nor the speech or the mind.   We do not know the Awareness behind them.   We do not know how anyone can teach It.   It is different from the known and above the unknown.  Thus we have heard from the preceptors of old who taught It to us.

Nobody knows a means whereby the Self can be known with the instruments of knowledge available to us.  So how can it be taught?  You can talk about it but talking about it doesn’t reveal it.  It only adds another concept about it to the intellect.  Fortunately, an indirect method—reasoning—works. 

If it is different from known and unknown objects, it has to be the subject, awareness.  No other option is available because it is the experience of everyone that experience is a transaction between an apparently conscious subject and seemingly real objects.  

The Fundamental Fact of Experience – The Subject is Never an Object

With the tip of the finger you can touch anything except the tip of the finger. With a hand you can wash the whole body except the hand that’s washing.  The eyes can’t see themselves.  Freedom is the intellect claiming I am awareness without including the body and mind.  You need to use the mind to claim your eternal identity, not to chase experiences.  

But claiming without understanding this teaching is enlightenment sickness and makes me a fraud.  I need to hide in spiritual clothing to conceal the fact that I don’t know what I am because claiming means disowning the claimant as myself.  If I’m not the claimant, how could I claim?  Every experience in my life has reinforced the belief that I am the claimant, a doer/enjoyer, so we are all susceptible to premature claims of enlightenment.  

5. That which cannot be expressed by speech but by which speech is expressed…know that alone to be limitless Awareness and not that which people worship here. 

6. That which cannot be known by the mind but by which the mind is known…know that alone to be limitless Awareness and not that which people worship here. 

7. That which cannot be seen by the eye but by which the eye is seen…know that alone to be limitless Awareness and not that which people worship here. 

8. That which cannot be heard by the ear but by which sounds are known…know that alone to be limitless Awareness and not that which people worship here. 

9. That which cannot be expressed by smelled by the nose but by which the nose smells…know that alone to be limitless Awareness and not that which people worship here. 

James: I get them regularly. Here is a copy of an email I sent out today to a Vedanta teacher.

Listening, the basic stage of Vedanta, is difficult, but reflecting on what you have heard is more difficult.  Had you heard Kena Upanishad, particularly Chapter 2, and done proper reflection (manana) you would not have reacted so strongly to the idea that you had Enlightenment Sickness.  Everyone gets Enlightenment Sickness (ES).  That’s why there is an Upanishad on the topic.

Even the people who won’t claim their identity as the Self (claiming is explained in Chapter 1 of the Kena Upanishad) for fear of ES have it because ironically you need to claim that you are the Self (to yourself) to transfer your identity to the Self, not proclaim it to others. If you proclaim it to those who have properly completed the three stages of Vedanta practice (sravana, manana and nididyasana) they will probably find it amusing because what else could you be? There is only one Self. Non-dual means no second thing.

But if you proclaim your identity as the Self to entry-level people who are not ready to see a teacher as anything other than the body speaking in front of them, you will only confuse them.  This is why the Bhagavad Gita says, “Let not the wise unsettle the minds of the ignorant.”  Because we are all born in duality, meaning ignorant of our unborn whole and complete nature, the duality filter persists until death in most people.  It is absurd to think that novice seekers (or even more more advanced inquirers) are going to get a complete understanding of the topic.  

It won’t sort itself out. The claiming ego has too much invested in it, particularly if they are ambitious and attract people. Somebody who has assimilated the Upanishad, which is just common-sense knowledge, needs to inform them.

You were born with the rare amazing gift of healing by God’s grace.  When you discovered it you knew what very few humans know and you possessed a power that very few possess.  You also somehow knew that it belonged to God and you became a devotee.  It’s natural, of course, because God is the primary relationship of every human being, whether they know it or not.  Luckily you know it.  This devotion, which is actually God loving God through the Cindy instrument, doesn’t belong to you but thinking that it does, you honed and sharpened that power.  Little by little, you adapted to the presence of God within you and maybe even realized that it was non-different from the Cindy instrument itself, which is the beginning of the downside of the healing power.  Everything here has it’s zero-sum downside. 

Remember, all this was going on in the Unconscious when you were young and extroverted, just out of sight of the innocent adaptive thinking/feeling entity.  The mind is so extroverted and the psyche changes incrementally in such subtle ways that the childlike entity doesn’t pick up on it.  Even if it senses it, it isn’t equipped with the objectivity required to deal with it.      

At the same time, the whole point of our life on earth is to set ourselves free of the adaptive self with the knowledge “I am the non-adaptive ordinary unborn self shining as ever-full consciousness.”  The adaptive child doesn’t know this fact because it includes its body/mind with its idea of itself instead of subtracting it, which is called discrimination.  So the mind remains confused until discrimination happens, or not.  This human child is not sure if it is an emotional entity, which is to say a material entity with spiritual inclinations or if it is a spiritual entity with material tendencies.  It is living in a cloud of unknowning.  We call it avidya, ignorance.  The popular term is denial.  It can continue for a full lifetime; the world is overstocked with white haired children, a consequence of affluenza.

Anyway, people need relief from worry.  They need to be “healed.”  And somehow, with the technique you developed, they are healed.  But not for good because it comes from the outside…from the healer and the technique…not from within themselves based on understanding.  The healing itself is only a coping mechanism.  They tend to view the healer…or the cult leader, for instance…as the source of their relief, become attached and devoted to their great leader, not devotion for God.  See the duality at play. And in so doing they reinforce their stance as an adaptive child and usually sell it to the world as a victim.  Poor me, my momma this, my daddy that….etc. ad nauseum.

And from the healer’s side, he or she realizes his or her power and unconsciously (or maybe consciously) assumes a controlling role in the relationship.  Mamma knows best.  See the arrogance.  Both don’t realize that the healed and the healer are only instruments of God’s will.  As Krishna says in the Gita, “in whatever way you worship me, in that way I appear (as a healing experience, for instance) to make your faith strong.  He doesn’t mean faith in the healing or the healer but trust in God, the force that gives birth to our bodies and delivers the results of our actions.  The problem is transparency.  The healer isn’t absolutely sure that the healing is all God. “God is my co-pilot” used to be a popular meme in the so-called spiritual world back in the day.  Talk about arrogance.  At least “I’m God’s co-pilot,”  sounds a little better because it maintains the fiction that the healer is humble.  If the realization that God doesn’t need a co-pilot happens, the adaptive child fades away and is replaced with a mature non-adaptive self-actualized adult.  Wherever that person goes people are healed silently…the bus driver, the cashier, the shopkeeper…because God is fully in charge and the devotional power wakes up the devotional power in every living entity who fortunately happens to encounter the presence of that person.

It so happens that what doesn’t happen in a relationship is as important as what does.  What didn’t happen with our relationship didn’t happen because your personal devotion for me, which is excessive, is dualistic.  If it was non-dual, you wouldn’t make such a gushing ostentatious display of your devotion.  We would both just know there is no difference between us, so there would be no visible signs of love apart from the normal courtesies cultured people express.  Freedom is non-dual devotion.  It is freedom from the devotee.  When you calm down a bit you need to listen to my talks on The Yoga of Love and read the book.  This whole business is laid out clearly there.  If you did read it, you missed the message.

If your devotion morphs into true God devotion…as is starting to happen now because of this incident with Jack…you would will have a handle on the Duryodhana Factor.  It will expose your dark side, which everyone but you can see.  Chapter 11 in the Gita is about Arjuna’s failure to develop non-dual devotion when Krishna showed him that God is both good and evil.  To accept it would have meant for him to acknowledge his own dark side, which was covered up with a lot of fancy devotion for his gurus, friends and relatives on Duryodhana’s side.  He ridicules Arjuna for his “flowery” devotional speech in Chapter 2. All Arjuna wants is for his old friend to reappear and buttress inner child.

It’s painful to confront the darkness as you are now realizing.  But God won’t let you make excuses any more so It caused you to actually question your devotion for Jack and voila!…a big can of worms.  “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.  Humpty Dumpty had a great fall…”  The house of cards is falling down, as well it should.  Thank God.  Now it is important to embrace the embarrassment and convert the emotion into self-inquiry, meaning take a stand as What you truly are not the Who that loves (objects) too much, in this case Cindy’s adaptive child.  “All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty together again.”   This means that when Isvara busts you into pieces, you better stay busted.  There isn’t any healing because you weren’t sick in the first place.  It’s an imaginary fall and an imaginary splatter.  You’re good before, during and after. 

Dualistic devotion conceals the dark side.  It make the person feel virtuous, which they need to signal to others to convince themselves that they are lovable.  It is highly performative and should be embarrassing.  I don’t think you realized how uncomfortable it made me feel when you jumped in my lap at that satsang you know where many years ago. I don’t think you realized how it appeared.  People rolled their eyes.  I know you didn’t because you were so wrapped up in yourself you lost sight of the context.  I didn’t want to scold you and embarrass you in public…because there was real devotion behind it and I could see how much you had invested in your devotion for the guru, which is not all bad.  So I played along and let you act out.

I was luckier. Swamiji waited until there were two hundred people and I was stuck in the middle of the crowd so it was impossible to escape.  Then with great contempt he violently shred my spiritual ego to bits.  It was terribly painful but it only lasted a minute or two until he could see that I accepted it.  It’s the guru’s job to point the problem out, which I’m doing now, and the disciple’s job to work on it.  Dualistic devotion got you in trouble with Jack.  It allowed you to idolize him because he brought you to me, so you didn’t ask questions.  Probably you thought it was disloyal, a sign of distrust.  In this world you need a healthy dose of distrust if you don’t want to be taken for a ride.  It gave him an opportunity to take advantage of you, which he did even though he could see how much you were suffering.  Do you think he was wearing the hair shirt while you were working to pay the pay the rent and put food on the table?  No need to answer that one.

If you had seen me as a regular person, which I am, you would have exposed your doubts about the relationship with him to me a long time ago.  I’m a good friend.  I never tell a person what to do.  I make suggestions, which are always helpful.  Jack is not a bad guy.  Like you, he’s been using spirituality to avoid his Duryodhana Factor, his dark side.  He’s selfish and manipulative but he’s letting his good opinion of himself keep him from working on his bad values.  Like you, he lacks true empathy.  This is a delicate and important moment spiritually, an opportunity to take the bull by the horns and say, “I’m a mess.  I need work.  “Physician health thyself.”  Luke 4:23.  Jack has kept me at arm’s length.  He hasn’t exposed himself because he’s not confident that he can handle the dark stuff.  He’s managed to create the kind of life that allows him not to deal with his shit.  But the chickens are coming home to roost.  They always do.  God is relentless.  If you escape Him/Her a thousand times, He/she will get you on 1001.  There is ultimately no escape.

Much love,

Ram

Thanks for the support. Might we say that there is a momentum that gets us to Self-realization that some of us forget to drop upon obtaining, not realizing we have left a very dangerous string attached? The confidence gets co-opted and serves the wrong purpose.

Sundari: If Self-realization obtains, it is not moksa; it is the experiential realization of Awareness and where the ‘work’ of self-inquiry begins. Self-actualization, living as the Self free of the jiva, is quite another matter from Self-realization. No, there is not a momentum that ‘gets you to’ moksa unless you ascribe that momentum to the grace of Isvara. Moksa is not a destination, it is who you are. The string still attached to the jiva is the doer who ‘survived’ moksa and is now a confident and ‘enlightened ego’. The one who ‘forgets’ to ‘drop’ the ‘momentum’ because it thought moksa was something to gain.  It is the dropper that needs to be dropped.

Diana: Thanks for the support and camaraderie about the ES.  I’m having a good laugh about it.   Indeed, I want Moksha, so am willing to make the necessary jiva tendency adjustments. 

Sundari: ES is funny until it’s not. An ego determined to survive can be adept at faking acknowledging it has ES. But if you are truly determined to be free of the jiva there is no other way than through continued self-inquiry. The hardest and subtlest part of self-inquiry is to negate the last vestiges of the jiva. Though the jiva remains as Isvara made it, for the most part—even with moksa, and we must love it unconditionally, nevertheless, satya & mithya is duality if you think the jiva is as real as the Self. Taking a stand as the Self means the jiva is as good as non-existent. You are Self. You are not The Self and the jiva. While most self-realized people know this intellectually, actualizing it is far from simple, which is why nididhysana is usually the longest stage of self-inquiry.

Diana: I am well aware of my tendency to talk a lot and since my work requires communication, and I enjoy it, it is a challenge for me to know when to keep quiet.  It’s something I’ve been working on for years and in many cases, my discipline is successful, but not this time!  In reality, I am someone open to learning as my first emails suggested, but I outsmarted myself at the first opportunity to hear what you had to teach me beyond what I may or may not have already known.

You had already told me several times that you could not really fault my knowledge after my initial emails and the more detailed attachments I sent you, but for some reason, I overlooked that fact and just kept spewing my knowledge as if talking about the knowledge ad nauseum was what self-actualized people do. When our Zoom meeting opened, what I should have said was nothing or at most asked the question “Now what?”.  At some point, one of you asked me if I had any questions.  I said not really, but if I hadn’t been so full of myself I would have asked, “If my knowledge is good, how to proceed with my nididhyasana?”. The value of Vedanta and its teachers is proving itself, once again. My ego had its last hurrah by so blatantly making an example of itself, but now I have to prove it.

Sundari: Which ‘I’ is it that needs to prove ‘it’? Prove what to whom? Do you see the duality in that statement? Just because your knowledge of the scripture is good means nothing in itself. So what? Moksa is not about getting a Ph.D. in scripture knowledge. If Self-knowledge has truly obtained by the grace of Isvara, there is nothing to say about it and certainly, nothing to prove to anyone because there is only you, the nondual Self.

Diana: Before now I may have had the knowledge in my hand, but I was misunderstanding how to wield it.   I am grateful for your supportive and compassionate teaching.

Sundari:  What do you mean by having the knowledge ‘in hand’? And again, who does the ‘I ‘ refer to in this statement? We are not pointing out that you misunderstood how to wield the knowledge because you are not a Vedanta teacher, and nor are we trying to turn out good Vedanta students. Our job as teachers is to guide inquirers by unfolding the true meaning of the scripture so that it can work on the mind to remove ignorance. Freedom has nothing to do with how well you wield the knowledge or if you have the svadharma to teach.

You can be totally free with little scripture knowledge other than the hard and fast knowledge I AM the Self and not the jiva. Moksa as well as teaching happens if Isvara wants it to. We fulfill the service as Vedanta teachers because it is our svadharma to do so, but teaching is not an identity because only Isvara does the teaching. You are an advanced inquirer who has misunderstood what freedom actually means for the jiva. The ego identity is still alive and well.

Diana: Even though you are not telling me anything new here, I appreciate no end your telling it to me again, especially when you said how tiring it can be to have to repeatedly tell someone what you have already laid out for them.  

Sundari: You say that none of this is new to you, and that may be true intellectually.  But is it really true? I admire your honesty and the way you responded to this email, but there is still a certain glib certitude that you are speaking as the Self that is slightly off-key.  As the jiva, your communication is always impressive. But freedom is not about being an impressive jiva.

Diana: It’s beautiful writing landing in an open heart and mind. And so, the end becomes the beginning.  Now what? What are your suggestions or explicit instructions for me to carry on? Much love and gratitude.

Sundari:  Freedom means there is no more ‘now what’ for you.  You are the ‘now what’. You are no longer a ‘who’ that wants moksa. You are not going anywhere or gaining anything. You have not arrived because you never left.  You are simply where you always were but recognizing it for the first time for what it is. And it’s no big deal. 

There are no more beginnings nor ends, though there seem to be for the jiva. There is just you, and you have no beginning nor end, the ever-present unconditioned witness of the conditioned entity.  Life is something that happens for the jiva and has nothing to do with you, though at the same time, life improves immeasurably for the jiva because it is seated in the Self and never budges from there. The conceptual jiva is negated and has ‘become’ Jivatman.

The only purpose of Self-knowledge is to situate you in the I, in Existence.  And what is knowledge?  It isn’t a thing but the absence of ignorance. Vedanta doesn’t give you experiences or anything else because you already are what you are experiencing. You are what you want. There is no experience superior to being you,  Existence Shining as Awareness. When Self-knowledge removes the last vestige of ignorance, the ‘leftover knowledge’ is not the knowledge of me. If it is, moksa has not obtained. It is me, Awareness.  I have not gained any knowledge. Both knowledge and ignorance are objects known to me.

The subject/object split is totally dissolved, never to be seen again. There is the appearance of a subject and an object that is produced by ignorance, duality, but you know it is just a mirage and it does not bother you at all. You are not steering the life and body of the jiva. Isvara is steering the whole show for the jiva. You have an extremely self-assured jiva, which is great. But I think where your inquiry ran short is in understanding Isvara/Maya, and what that means for the jiva. It is the key to moksa. If you have not read the Mandukya Karika, I would advise you to do so.  Also, Inquiry into Existence. Both are advanced texts specifically unfolding the very subtle teachings on the Isvara-Jiva identity.

But what I think may have happened is that you skipped some of the foundations of self-inquiry and moved too fast into nididhysana. It could also be that you think you are finished with nididhysana, and that is not the case.  Nididhysana is about requalifying, going back to the beginning, and starting from scratch, first with the qualifications, motivations, values, etc.  We have all three stages of inquiry on offer for free on the Shiningworld website. I have attached a satsang James wrote on what we call the 5-10-15 rule.

Much love

Sundari

Diana: I had a feeling I may have gone overboard, and knowledge boasting is never cool.  It’s embarrassing. I admit I got excited after our meeting. After I sent the email, I even thought to myself, “sometimes a cigar is just a cigar” and analysis of everything all the time isn’t necessary or helpful.  Unfortunately, it was too late, I couldn’t unsend.  I apologize to you and James. 

Sundari: No need to apologize, I understand where you come from and appreciate your honest response. You have a good brain, a refined intellect, and the self-confidence to match, which is true of most Vedantins. Self-knowledge confers the ultimate self-confidence, and we are often accused of being elitist and arrogant when the opposite is true. One advanced inquirer we know was recently referred to a specialist because he had no more problems. He was way too happy with his lot, too self-confident, imagine! The ‘specialist’ questioned him at length and came up with a diagnosis: solipsism syndrome! Apparently, it’s actually a thing in psycho-parlance.  It would be really funny if it weren’t so bizarre.  They are of course referring to the wrong self, being completely unaware of the Self. The power of Maya to reverse the truth is truly compelling!

At the same time, this confidence can lead to intellectual hubris, as I am sure you are aware. There is nothing more powerful than Self-knowledge which gives you 20/20 vision and total clarity about what’s transpiring in the Isvara playing field. Though you may not be omniscient as the jiva when Self-realization obtains, nonetheless, understanding the Isvara mechanism and the gunas as the Self, you know how everything works in every circumstance. There are no more mysteries for you, no more confusion, and no more self-doubt. For most jivas encountering someone with firm Self-knowledge can be somewhat intriguing, not to mention pretty foreign.

But the mind-blowing heady freedom of Self-Realization can result in what we call Enlightenment sickness, or ES. Most inquirers experience it at some point so don’t feel bad. It’s pretty normal, just the residual detritus of the ego identity which tries to co-opt the teachings. For this reason, James added ‘ordinary’ to the definition of the Self: Whole and complete, ever-present, unchanging ordinary Awareness. ES is not a problem necessarily unless you are unaware of it.  Fortunately, you seem to have objectivity about your jiva program and you have the honesty that comes with the knowledge of what it is and how it functions. Knowing that there is never any reason to censure the jiva. It is what it is and you did not make it that way. All the same, if we want the jiva to be happy we may need to adjust certain tendencies. Being enlightened as an ego is not freedom.

In listening to you talk during our zoom chat last week, which was basically a monologue, what was immediately apparent was that you were more interested in what you had to say than hearing us. It was hard to get a word in, and I suspect this is a pattern in your contact with people. You are an accomplished communicator, and we could not really fault your knowledge. But even so, I was a bit surprised because in our email exchanges you came across as someone who is open to learning. However, you seemed more intent on letting us know that you know it all. 

We don’t have a problem with that, nor do we judge you in any way. We simply observe what goes on in mithya as the unconditioned Self. But as Vedanta teachers, seeing as the ostensible reason you approached us was for clarification on your progress, it would be remiss on our part not to point out how this tendency impacts your freedom from and for the jiva. After all, Self-knowledge is not about gaining anything, there is nothing extraordinary about it, no degrees, honors, or kudus for being so smart. It is simply the return to normality.

As you know, Vedanta requires a good intellect as the teachings are so subtle. But it is not the intellect that removes ignorance. It is just an object known to you, the Self. Self-inquiry requires training the intellect to think differently, to want different things. The problem with very smart people who ‘get’ the teachings of Vedanta very quickly is who is it that gets it? The mind (ego) has a slippery tendency to claim to be enlightened when it is actually only the ego that is ‘enlightened’. Discrimination between Jiva’s experience of Awareness and the Self’s experience of Awareness is essential. How to tell and what is the difference?

As I think I pointed out to you before, the Self’s experience of itself is qualitatively different from the jiva’s experience of the Self as an object or as objects. The realization “I am Awareness” does not give you the experience of Awareness or make you Awareness because you always have been Awareness. It negates the idea “I am the jiva.” When you know you are the Self and the knowledge is firm, first and foremost is the negation of your primary identity as the jiva, discrimination between satya and mithya is automatic.  With this comes the recognition (re-knowing) that there is nothing special about being the Self. Self-knowledge is reality, it is what is true. Everyone has only ever been experiencing Awareness consciously or not.

For the jiva, the mind is functioning properly for the first time because the reversal that Maya imposed on it with the hypnosis of duality has been removed by Self-knowledge.  The ‘veil’ that covered the mind is gone and you are free of the jiva program. The jiva who is free does not change except in the way it contacts objects, which of course, indirectly greatly improves life for it because it no longer chases objects to complete itself, has no need for validation or to impress, and does not fear loss.

Freedom is huge for the jiva at first, but it does not feel like anything because it is not a feeling. It is hard to describe the Self as the witness who does not condition to what it witnesses. Perhaps what comes closest to describing the indescribable with the inherent limitation of words is this:  it is permanently being the observer ‘in’ the ‘place’ between feeling and not feeling. It is neutral, but far from uncaring. It is an ocean of compassion. It is caring and infinitely compassionate but never invested.

Much love

Sundari

Hi Mary,

Nice well-written story.  It’s not uncommon in the spiritual world.  I’ll cut to the chase.  First, you probably missed it in your study of the Gita and you finally figured it out on your own, however it bears repeating.  Several times Krishna says, “let not the wise unsettle the minds of the ignorant.”  So this inner stuff needs to more or less stay hidden because as you know, the world, well-meaning as it is, invariably calls the little men in white coats with their bag of pills and the results are generally not pleasant, as you also know.  One of the most important disciplines is speech discipline (vak tapas.)   I had a case of messianic enlightenment sickness too but Swamiji busted me right away and when he realized that I actually understood how silly it is, he mentioned that he was pleased to discover that I could keep my light hidden under a bushel.  Shortly after my realization I became a scavenger on the streets of San Francisco and kept my mouth shut, although I could have babbled enlightenment to the heavens and experienced no blowback one way or the other, in so far as I fit right into the world of crazies acting out their stuff.  Everyone is well aware of the price Jesus paid for dabbling in miracles and publicly claiming to be one with God.  The yoga sutras make a big point of dismissing siddhis and the sense of inflation that comes with it.  And honestly, Mary, nobody has a way of verifying one’s story, nor do people lay awake nights thinking about what other people experienced or are experiencing inwardly because nobody has access to anyone else’s thoughts.  Experience and knowledge stay with the upadhi. 

The next point is that this feeling doesn’t belong to either to the Self or to the jiva.  So if anything is going to come of your realization Isvara will manifest it…or not.  So, I wouldn’t trouble myself with it.  If Mary is meant to save the world, the world will come to her and when it does she should get the request in writing in triplicate and let it sit on her desk for a couple of years while she thinks about it.  It’s just another thought object known to you, existence shining as consciousness.  Let it die.  When Mary is totally satisfied with herself as she is, in spite of the attendant insomnia and pain, this idea won’t be attractive.  

The perfect satisfaction that is self-actualization is simply the appreciation of the bliss of self-knowledge, which is non-different from the bliss of existence itself.  It doesn’t have any mithya based ramifications.  And it’s not really about the jiva because there isn’t any jiva.  We only say that to keep jivas doing sadhana for a long time to make sure that enlightenment sickness doesn’t take root and their minds become worthy vehicles for the dharma.  At some point the knowledge is assimilated and the doer disappears.  Instead off thinking that you got something special, it’s best to think that you got rid of something unspecial i.e. ignorance, tuck your spiritual tail between your legs and slink off into obscurity.  The doer seems to have survived the firm knowledge “I am the Self” so it needs to get rid of that notion too.  Nothing actually happened except that ignorance unhappened.  There’s nothing romantic about it.   

However, it is natural to want to ring the bell and call the faithful to church and you do have something to share, are a good person and very articulate, but I’m saying think twice about it, which it seems you are since you are asking for my views.  If I was in your shoes I’d work on my health and build up my energy patiently and gradually.  In the course of your life Isvara will send people your way who are attracted to you and once you have established a loving connection you can teach them. 

I don’t know if you realized it, but I didn’t write Mystic by Default because I was trying to get famous.  I wrote it about 30 years after I was freed from the idea that I was James to simply save myself the trouble telling it to people who wanted to know.  I was bored to death with the whole spiritual business and refused to talk about it so I just recommended the book for those who wanted to know.  It’s a useful book but will never  be a bestseller.  In the intervening years between 1971 and 2010 when I wrote How to Attain Enlightenment and gained a certain degree of recognition, I basically went fishing, dabbled in small things, travelled the world and enjoyed being nobody.  Pray to the God of Small Things.

Finally, it would probably be beneficial to ask yourself what you think you are actually going to gain by “not playing small.  It’s going to be a while before your mind calms down.  Your obsession with Vedanta generated so much sattva that it suppressed the tamas and keeps you up nights.  I’d say forget Vedanta, sit in the  sun, eat good food, exercise your body so it gets physically  tired, cultivate the sleep vasana, do your art and play life very small.   Slowly the energy will return.  Slowly the bliss of existence will take over and the doer will dissolve and the future will disappear. 

Mary:  Thanks James, that was exactly the perspective I needed, time to settle down and relax. 

James:  Yes.  Take it easy.  Go fishing. 

Mary:  Can you please clarify the “there is no Jiva” point? My current understanding is that in Reality there is no Jiva because there is just Awareness but in the apparent reality there is Jiva (awareness plus the 5 sheaths). 

There is only one Self, Mary.  Do you experience your self as two or more?  No.  You are just one conscious sentient being.  You exist and you are conscious.  This much you know.  This much everyone knows.  It is innate knowledge.  Nobody ever asked you what the word “I” means.  If you only say the word “I”when you meet a stranger that person knows what you mean because he or she is the same I. 

Now the question is: do you know that you are full and complete?  Do you know that you are limitless, meaning that you are unaffected by the discrete experiences that present themselves to you in the waking and dream states?  Are you aware of the constant current of bliss that is your fundamental experience, the reason why you want to live another day?  If so you are the Self. 

If you don’t you are also the Self that doesn’t know.  The scripture says the Jivatman and the Paramatman, the self in you and the self in everyone, are non-different.  If you don’t understand that, it is because you include your body and mind when you say the world “I.”  The “I” is the Self always.  There is no other option.  But it looks like it is limited and subject to change because you are including the body/mind when you think of it.  So you have to subtract the body and mind when you think of yourself.  When you aren’t thinking of yourself you are just Awareness thinking of something else.

Mary:  Also I’m a bit confused at this point about how I should place my relationship to Isvara, lately it has been feeling a bit strange to pray to Isvara because it’s clear that reality is non dual, so who am I praying to but myself? Is this me and Isvara, Father and Son type relationship notion an erroneous idea that I need to drop? If there is no Jiva then there is no Isvara? 

James:  Assuming you think you are Mary, a body/mind entity, Isvara is the power that created you, sustains you and will remove you from the body. It is the factor that delivers the results of your actions.  So if you think you are a body and mind, then you need to have a good relationship with that factor or you won’t succeed.  I find it hard to believe that you have been through the whole full set and missed the karma yoga teaching.  It is the most important teaching because you won’t get the steady bliss of self knowledge if you haven’t purified your vasanas. 

If you are the Self, then you don’t worry about your karma, life and death, etc. because Isvara has no impact on you.  Yes, if there is no jiva there is no Isvara.  They are both mithya, seemingly but not actually real.  Knowing this is freedom.  Freedom from what?  From Mary, the body/mind entity. 

Mary:  And finally when you say “the future will disappear” what do you mean by that exactly/practically speaking?

James:  You will be happy as awareness.  There is no future or past or present for awareness.  They are all only thoughts in you.  You expressed enthusiasm for a new way of life.  For whom?  What’s wrong with the life you have now?  How would a different life make you different?  If you understand Isvara you see that whatever is manifesting in you at every moment is perfect and you don’t want it to be different. 

Much love,

James

A deep feeling of calmness and okayness has settled over me, and I feel like I’ve somehow been restored to being healthy and normal; where normal is just simple and “right” and wonderful. I can’t really describe how good this feels. All the scrambling neediness has stopped. From this position I really want to somehow wrestle “Kenneth” around and retrain it, until his life becomes useful to God and the world, and also well cared for himself/itself, if that is possible. I hope you will continue to be a teacher for me, I would like to continue to count on you to check my understanding and help me stay on track. 

I am continuing the karma yoga and inquiry practice although it does seem a little forced and unnecessary now, like there is nothing to be done and that is just how my mind works now, automatically without any effort or intention.  In the past there have been times I have had this same feeling of stillness and it lasted anywhere from seconds to weeks, but without the well-being. Other times I’ve experienced a solid perception that I and all existence was one singular thing, that experience has not returned. In all cases I eventually resumed the ordinary consciousness that is founded on inadequacy. 

So I want to continue to work. I don’t feel like I have anything to gain exactly, except to be useful like I said, and maybe to stabilize, and what else is there to do? Just hanging around being blissed out would be weird for me, I’d like to contribute. 

James:  I see you as a friend, Ken.  Of course I will continue to support you.  This email exposes two issues that you should consider.  This sense of well-being is the result of assimilating Self knowledge.   First, although, from the Self’s perspective there is nothing more to do, from Matt’s perspective, there is more to do.  The impulse that caused you to say, “From this position I really want to somehow wrestle “Kenneth” around and retrain it, until his life becomes useful to God and the world, and also well cared for himself/itself, if that is possible” should be nurtured because it is definitely possible.  It’s the only smart play.  It is highly unlikely that the shift will unshift.  I think the knowledge of what you are is firm, so your seeking i.e. suffering on that score is likely gone for good. 

On the other hand the effects of the ignorance of what you are, are still latent in Ken’s karma stream and should be diligently addressed.  About this stage of the spiritual life, Swamiji, my teacher, used to wisely say, “Hasten slowly.”  The intention to “wrestle” the Ken object is good, hence “hasten.”  But the retraining takes time, hence “slowly.”  One Upanishad says, “One hundred years,” meaning the rest of your life.  You need to “protect” the Ken object from the tamasic impulse not to do what needs to be done, and as such become a blessing to your colleagues and friends.  You are right that a formal karma yoga practice now seems forced.  But in essence karma yoga is just knowledge; the results of what we do are not up to us.  So we “practice knowledge,” until it is natural to think this way, because that’s the way it is.  There needn’t be anxiety about the outcome because service to God itself is its own reward.  The heart that gives, gathers as it gives.  So from now on there is just an ever-expanding sense of well-being because you are expressing your compassionate nature toward the person who is closest to you…Ken.  His mind and body are the world, which is to say God.  The outcome…a noble person…is foreordained when you serve the Lord.  So you don’t get frustrated or lazy when rajas and tamas rear their ugly little heads.  You just patiently bring the teaching to mind, and soldier on simplifying and purifying your life.  That gleaming beautiful new motorcycle is a lovely symbol of Ken, who is the vehicle of the Lord.  Ride it with pride.

In this way, you take care of the God principle, which is non-different from you, existence/awareness.  It’s great because this impulse to purify your life, means that you have avoided one of the most pernicious traps for Self-realized people—enlightenment sickness, which is to say letting the ego co-opt the knowledge of what you are.  I don’t see you prancing around in flowing robes proclaiming your great attainment to the world, because what happened was a joint effort.  You did your bit. I did my bit.  The scripture did its bit and God delivered the result.  So keep in touch and tidy up around the house.  

Love,

James